Author: TJ Dragonblade
Summary: Gojyo has learned that Hakkai is not immune to jealousy. 1st Person, Gojyo POV.
He'll never admit it; but Hakkai's just a little bit jealous. Even though he's generous in letting me do as I please; even though he understands this *need* I have for casual meaningless sex. That jealousy, it's still there, mild and low-key underneath his smile.
How do I know?
He has lots of tells, I've learned; too many to really get into here. Little things he'll do, a certain look in his eye. But what really betrays him is...
Well. There are times when he won't let me get him to the bed, even; when he pulls me down to kneel in the middle of the floor and he kisses me, and his hands are all over me and we're naked and I *want* him and he's so damned unhurried about it all that it makes me crazy. He knows exactly how to work me up, and he takes his sweet time proving it. And just when I'm ready to shove him over backwards and finally finish things, then he'll make his move.
He'll kneel up, taller than me, and quietly tangle his fist in the roots of my hair, tugging my head back as far as he can and covering my mouth with his own.
Now I've had my share of rough sex over the years, and I'm definitely no stranger to hair-pulling. What he's doing here--it's a violent and aggressive move, yeah. Usually it's a matter of dominance, of proving who's in control. But when Hakkai does it...he does it so gently, so softly, with such *care*--it turns into this gesture of tender possession and suddenly I'm wondering just when I gave him so much power over me.
He kisses me, with my head pulled back; he kisses me like he'll never have the chance to do it again. His mouth is urgent, where his touches were not; and it's all I can do to match him. The way that he kisses when he's like this just makes me come completely undone. He is Hakkai, and he wants me; and I've never wanted anything so bad in my life as to give him what he needs in that moment.
Mine, those kisses say. Mine.
And I can't protest; because belonging like that suddenly sounds so very *good*.
He lays me down, still gentle as you please, and takes me without a word. And takes me, and takes me, and *takes* me, until I think I might die from the glorious beauty of it. I can't call it fucking. Hakkai just doesn't do anything so inelegant as that. He takes me, there on the floor in this impersonal rented room; and it is long, and slow, and relentlessly intense. I want to groan, to sob; to beg him for mercy, to beg him for more. But all I can do is clutch at him, move with him, choke on his name again and again while he kills me with such sweet perfection and somewhere in the haze of my overwhelmed mind I'm thinking that *this* must be what people mean when they talk about making love.
Through it all, he never says a thing, at least not in words. But his eyes say more than enough. His fingertips across the scars on my cheek say plenty. His fervent kisses speak more eloquently than that voice of his ever could, and the soft panting of his breath against my shoulder keeps time with his silent mantra.
Mine, his body whispers, trembling as he loses himself inside me, Mine. Mine. Mine, mine, *mine*--
And I am.
I'll be his, if that's what he wants.
Damned if it's not what *I* want, anyway.
He lets me do as I please, do as I must, be who I am. But he also lets me know where I belong when all is said and done, where I'm most wanted, where I'm most appreciated.
Is it any wonder, then, that I keep coming back? That I give him whatever he asks of me, that I do anything to please him?
That I sometimes think that maybe I don't need the women so much as I used to, even?
Yes, I'll admit it. I am a man possessed.
But honestly, there's no one I'd rather belong to than Hakkai.
EDIT: 4/12/05 Revisions made. Voice...better. I think. ^_^;
EDIT: 5/7/05 Finalized.
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