Title: Changing Perspectives

Author: Teltarma

Warnings: none, a light one for language perhaps.

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sanzo/Gojyo considered, Hakkai/Gojyo implied

Summary: Sanzo speculates on what it might be like to experience life through someone else. Hakkai has an opinion too.

disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. Just playing.

Word count:: 1577

My Beta: Mark

Official Tomenter: Adam

Sanzo POV

I watched them roll in the dirt. I hadn't said anything yet but any second now I was going to threaten to shoot them, hell maybe this time I actually would shoot them. I could feel the promise of it in the way my pulse was beginning to pound in my ears.

"Stupid Monkey"

"Stop calling me monkey, you stupid cockroach!!"

Their high pitched voices grated across my already raw nerves. I couldn't believe they were literally tumbling through the dirt…

"OW!" that from one that should know better but never did…what the fuck were they actually pulling hair?

My hand was sliding into my robes, reaching with deadly intent for my gun when they suddenly broke apart. I paused wondering what could have brought about such a miracle. They were both covered in the road dirt from head to toe. Gojyo was sitting firmly on top of Goku about to pound his head in with a rock if the frozen tableau was to be believed but they had stopped.

"What's that smell??" Goku's eyes were huge.

"Hakkai's cooking…something…" Even the kappa looked intrigued. The scent reached me and I frowned, what was that? I understood why the fight had stopped.

"Lemme up I wanna see!" Goku demanded and Gojyo let him go without protest. What fun was there in tormenting a monkey who wasn't paying attention? I considered whacking both of them. This proof of how purposefully they baited each other annoyed me almost as much as their constant bickering. The show was over. I was rarely very interested in food but I considered going see for myself what Hakkai was doing that smelled so enticing but I didn't. I stood in the shadow of a rocky over hang and watched the half demon instead. He had to be the most annoying individual the gods had ever put on this earth. I was convinced he had been sent on this journey for no other reason than my constant torment but in spite of those things there was something about him that often drew my eye, even when I wasn't aiming my gun at him.

I watched now as he got up and ambled over to see what Goku was making such a fuss about. The monkey was practically worshipping at Hakkai's feet so the smell must be exactly what it seemed to be, chocolate cake. The stupid monkey would eat himself into a stupor in no time if Hakkai allowed it. My attention did not remain on Goku for long. I watched as Gojyo spoke to Hakkai with an easy familiarity, a hand on a shoulder and Hakkai did not move away. Gojyo made him laugh with a careless ease that was somewhat astounding there wasn't much that broke through Hakkai's façade to unearth an honest emotion. A strange smile quirking his own lips the half-demon accepted a plate from his friend and finding a rock far from Goku settled down to eat.

They all ate and I sat alone and watched. I watched how at ease Gojyo seemed to be in his own skin and I wondered what that would be like. He was a damaged as the rest of us but he still seemed to be able to embrace life, to find some form of joy in it. He seemed, young somehow and I didn't understand it. My failure to understand him was the basis for a great deal of my animosity towards him, that and the fact that he was so fucking irritating. I would never experience life like him. That thought bred another one that haunted me more often of late the idea that perhaps I could experience life through him.

This was not a new thought to me. I didn't dwell on it; I never did the impossibility of it defied reason. It would be easier to believe that I could somehow become cheerful. It was not the half-breed that hindered such interaction; to the contrary Gojyo had flirted with me often enough that I was confident that should I approach him he would not turn me away. It was true that he flirted to rouse my temper. He had an almost suicidal fondness of pushing me over the edge. One day I would aim my gun at his head instead of wide and the game would be done. He was going to push too many buttons too hard and I was going to forget that I needed him, the quest needed him. Perhaps if we ever managed to complete our quest I would reward myself by shooting him in the fucking knee. The appeal of that action nearly made my lips curl into a smile. I lit a cigarette and drew a deep breath of smoke into my lungs savoring the image, perhaps I would shoot him in both knees. Despite my decidedly unfriendly thoughts I still watched the red head. He had finished eating and was digging around in the back of jeep for something.

I pulled myself from the daydream and returned to the matter at hand. The fact was that despite the kappa's seeming death wish shadowing his eyes at those times was the truth that he wasn't completely joking. It was that dark vulnerable truth that told me I could indeed experience life through Gojyo if I ever chose to. I watched as he found what he had been looking for and moved to a patch of grass just past the fire to lie down. He stretched out his lanky body, and lying on his side, his head propped in one hand and his cigarette dangling from his mouth he proceeded to leer at the naked women who filled his magazine. Disgusting. Still I didn't turn away.

"You will never know." I hadn't sensed anyone approaching and I whirled gun in hand to face Hakkai.

"Fuck." I spat, "Do you want to get shot?" I put the gun away but my eyes were fixed on his face. He was staring at something over my shoulder. He was following my previous line of sight, I didn't have to turn around to know what he was seeing. Gojyo. Fuck.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said rudely but I didn't leave, he turned back to me and I found myself pinned in place by his emerald gaze. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as he coolly accessed me.

"Is that so?" his voice was still calm. He wore that damn little smile that didn't mean anything. He wore the same expression when he was killing something. That thought sent a slow trickle of sweat down my spine and I wished I had kept my gun in hand. I blinked. What the fuck was that about? This was Hakkai, but he was acting weird even for him and Hakkai in the best of times was one scary bastard. He turned his gaze back to where Gojyo was reclining. My eyes followed his and I saw that Goku was slowly approaching him from behind, the short peace was about to be broken.

"He's mine." This interesting bit of information was delivered with no more inflection than anything else he had said but a second drop of sweat followed the first and I reached inside my robes to wrap my fingers around the comforting grip of my gun.

"EWWW! Pervy Kappa!!!" Goku's voice broke the silence; he grabbed the magazine and ran.

Gojyo was on his feet in an instant bellowing for the stupid monkey to bring back his magazine. He went after the kid in a full out run. His legs were much longer and it would be interesting to see if the monkey made the trees at the edge of the water before the half breed caught him. There might be a slaughter if he didn't. Crimson hair streamed behind Gojyo and he ran as if his life depended on getting that magazine back. Hakkai and I stood silent watching Gojyo embracing life in a way that would exhaust any three other men.

"I'm going to fucking kill you." He screamed as Goku reached the first tree and scampered up. The kappa would never catch him now but then his shakujou appeared in his hand and the blade bit deep into the flesh of the tree. They were far enough away that it was more interesting to wonder if they would manage to kill each other this time than it would be to go kill them myself. I was completely aware that Hakkai still stood just behind my right shoulder. He was impossible to forget or ignore.

"Yours?" I questioned watching as a tree fall. Goku shrieked and Gojyo cursed; "Does he know this?" I felt a hand on my shoulder. Hakkai who never touched anyone if he could help it squeezed hard and I imagined I felt the prick of sharp claws, or perhaps I didn't imagine it. I didn't turn to look. How many of the limiters did he have to remove before he got claws? I didn't want to know. More shrieks were heard though we couldn't see them any more. If the pervy Kappa did get his magazine back I seriously doubted it would be in any condition to be read.

"That is of no consequence." Hakkai answered my question without heat, "The fact remains, he is mine. It is enough that you know it."

The end.

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