Title: Together Again
By: Phoenix Dayze
Email: cloudnzack (at) yahoo (period) com
Warning: Implied mpreg. Dark themes.
Gojyo sucked the bitter smoke through the end of the stick as hard as he could, almost fanatically, possessively. It stung his eyes, but he didn't care. The cursed things insisted on watering anyway. Damning liquid streamed down his cheeks, despite what he claimed to feel, falling down to spatter against the upturned earth at his feet. His crimson gaze followed the trek down, and he swallowed hard. Such a small grave...
He probably should have told Sanzo, but at the time it had just seemed...preposterous. And now...well, there wasn't really much point. Gojyo doubted that Sanzo knew that little bit of trivia regarding half-breed demons and the hazards of allowing their bodies to be penetrated, so it was unlikely that he would ever uncover the reason for Gojyo's sudden abandonment of their group, or his extended disappearance. So there was no reason to tell him. Gojyo eyed the tiny grave again. No. No reason at all.
Fresh tears pricked at his eyes, and Gojyo hastily swiped them away with his sleeve. Sha Gojyo was not sentimental! He was not weak And he certainly didn't care that...that... Gojyo dropped to his knees, clutching his arms to his chest, his cigarette falling away, forgotten, as he let loose the dam. Why? Why did this happen? I've risked my life to save other people's children, but I'm unable—I'm not good enough—to save my own! He reached down and sifted his fingers through the loose earth. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to give you the chance at life that you deserved." He closed his eyes, his voice falling nearly silent. "And I'm sorry you got cursed with me for a parent."
"You shouldn't be."
Gojyo jumped, whipping his head around to find himself face to face with the last person he wanted to see. He angled his head, letting his hair shield his face as he tried to nonchalantly smear away any evidence of his tears. He cursed silently as the too familiar footsteps drew closer. He wanted to disappear, wanted the ground to swallow him up and erase Sanzo's words. He wanted to rewind time. He wanted to die. But the moment remained. Sanzo's voice scraped over his raw nerves.
"Don't ever be ashamed of who you are, Gojyo. You might be an asshole, a whore, and a slob, but..." and here Sanzo's voice changed. "But you're a good man." There was a long pause, as though Sanzo were contemplating, gauging his words. "Any child would be lucky to have you for a parent."
Gojyo scoffed, but he couldn't stop the sob that broke free with it. He clenched his fingers in the dirt. "I don't know about that."
Sanzo knelt down next to him, the wind mingling their scents. "I do." Reaching out, he laid a tentative, unpracticed hand on Gojyo's shoulder, nearly recoiling when he felt the man stiffen. He swallowed and took a slow breath. "Gojyo...why...why didn't you tell me?"
"Would you have believed me?"
Sanzo bit his lip. "Probably not at first, but I wouldn't have made you leave!" He stared at Gojyo, his searching gaze sifting through the strands of red that separated him from Gojyo's eyes. "Why did you run? What were planning on doing? Never coming back? Giving the child away? What?"
Gojyo hesitated. He hadn't really known. He had just...run. From Sanzo. From the truth. From parts of himself that he didn't want to face. "I...I don't know. I didn't get that far."
"But, Gojyo," Sanzo spoke softly, but there was an underlying hurt in his tone, a betrayal, a misery, that Gojyo wouldn't have expected. "Didn't you ever think that...that just maybe...I might want to know I had a child? That I might want it? I mean, I've never...had...family..."
Gojyo choked down a wave of intense emotion as slim, pale fingers joined his in the earth, stroking against him as they caressed the dark sand. He looked up, and was shocked to see unshed tears glittering in Sanzo's usually hard violet eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I..."
"No." Sanzo interrupted. "I'm sorry. I should have let you know that I cared. About you. About us. You shouldn't have had to go through this alone."
Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Gojyo laced his fingers through the monk's and squeezed, and felt a cold thrill run through him when Sanzo squeezed back just as tightly.
They sat there for a few minutes in aching, companionable silence, then, "Are you in much pain?"
Gojyo shook his head. "Not too bad. Being half demon...the wounds heal pretty quickly." He sighed, a light frown creasing his brow. "I'll have another scar though..." Just what I need. Another shitty reminder of pain I'd rather forget. He squeezed Sanzo's hand again. "Hope that won't make me any less of a man in your eyes."
Sanzo didn't reply. There was a faraway look in his eyes, and a stillness possessed his body. After a moment, he leaned down and smoothed his fingers over the tiny grave again. "Did you name her?"
Gojyo blinked. "What makes you think it was a girl?"
Sanzo shrugged. "It just...feels right..."
"Sha Kourya." Gojyo said quietly. "I wanted to name her after you, and with me being a water demon...it...seemed appropriate. I hope you don't mind."
"Kourya..." Sanzo rolled the name around on his tongue, letting it sink in, tasting the sound, the feel, what it represented. Then, with tears wetting his cheeks, he turned and sealed his mouth over Gojyo's, thanking him and seeking comfort in one furious, desperate kiss.
They broke apart, breathing heavily, their hands wiping the tears from the other's face. Smiling weakly, Gojyo directed their attention back to their daughter's grave. "Hey, Kourya, say hello to your father. He's a little crabby at times, but...he's also uptight." He traced a hand over the light scowl flickering over Sanzo's features as he continued. "And I love him desperately. With everything that I am. Which isn't much, but..." Gojyo ran his fingers through Sanzo's hair, their eyes meeting, locked and serious. "I was hoping, that it would be enough."
Sanzo shook his head, trying to dislodge the humiliating knot of emotion that had him wanting to smile and cry at once. He settled for an insult. "You're such an idiot!"
"That's not exactly up to par there, Sanzo." Gojyo jibed. "But I guess that's okay by me." He wrapped his arm around Sanzo's shoulders and pulled him close, warmed clear through when the monk didn't resist, and instead, let himself be snuggled into Gojyo's side. "Finally," he whispered, "we're together again. The whole family..."
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