- Author: Meicdon13
- Pairing(s): Sanzo x Kougaiji/Kougaiji x Sanzo
- Rating: PG-13
- Summary: Be my reflection. Be my image. Be what I cannot be. Sanzo and Kougaiji need one another because they're so much alike and yet so different. It's a mirror they stare into yet they see the other one instead.
- Website: http://meicdon13.livejournal.com/
It was actually quite strange. The two of them were enemies, both wanting the opposite of what the other desired, both wishing the other would just die or disappear. Both wanting something that the other could not or would not give. So why did they have so many things in common?
Sanzo was drowning. The darkness was engulfing his mind like the cold water caressing his body. He knew how to swim, yet his body refused to respond to his thoughts. He was going to die in this illusion conjured up by some manic youkai. All he could think about was how dark the water was becoming.
Then there was light. An image surrounded by light flashed by and he was rising up. Hands broke through the surface and he heard…a voice. It called to him, his master's voice; calling to him from out of the illusion, seeming to guide him with gentle words as he shot Zakoru and watched the youkai die.
Kougaiji was suffocating. Even when he opened his eyes, there was nothing but darkness. He couldn't move, couldn't think straight, couldn't do anything useful. He lay there, listening, trying to make sense of what was happening. He felt oddly disoriented, like he had been asleep for a long time.
A voice was speaking…it belonged to one of the two brightly-lit images that appeared out of the darkness like a picture slowly coming into focus. Words that swore loyalty gave him the strength to make a move, to be the leader that his two followers wanted him to be. So he stood up and fought.
He wondered why he ended up with her. She was a mere child; surely she was better suited to fight with Goku? But she seemed to favor him and he could do nothing except frown and offer her another nikuman to keep her busy.
As usual, he paired off with him. According to the monkey, he had a debt to pay. It never failed to surprise him how much his adversary reminded him of Lirin. Full of life, and energy. Full of fight. He would not let him win.
What was he trying to prove to himself anyway? That he was worthy of inheriting his master's sutras? That he wasn't the weakest member of the group? He had stopped caring after a while.
After all, did it really matter?
What was he trying to prove to himself anyway? That he was strong enough to bring back his mother? That his title of youkai prince actually meant something? It stopped bothering him after a while.
After all, nobody really cared.
They were fighting again. He shot at him and he evaded the bullets. He summoned another fire demon and he chanted his sutra. It was a dance with steps that were so intricate that one mistake meant certain death.
And like all dances, their partners were of great significance.
Their eyes would meet and they would be shocked to see themselves mirrored there. Eyes so similar to one another it was almost as if there was no actual difference.
Self-hate. Self-pity. Doubt. Hope. Anger. Pain. Everything in between.
Maybe that was why they would collapse into each other's arms at night. The simple comfort of being held was enough because the person who was holding them knew what it felt like to have an unbearable burden on their shoulders. What it felt like to have someone important to live for.
They were both unwilling leaders of their groups. Both of them were proud and stubborn. Unyielding but weak inside at the thought of failure. The fear of waking up the next day with nothing left; not even the reason why they continue living.
They both knew how it felt to have people watching them, waiting for them to make a single mistake. Waiting for them to fall. Because they would fall, one way or another. And they would fall and crash and burn and fail because of the very person they were holding in their arms.
They were opposites. They were enemies. Human and demon. Light and dark. Good and bad. Holiness and damnation. Yin and yang. A marble sculpture and a bronze statue. They complement each other the way conflicting things do.
One cannot exist without the other because without one, there would be no way to define the other.
How can you define what is human unless you have something which is not human? How would you know what darkness is unless you have seen the light?
They are so much alike and yet they are the representation of everything that the other opposes. They constantly fight and battle and hurt one another because that it was they are supposed to do. And yet they comfort one another as well with covert glances to make sure that no serious injury has been inflicted and open arms at night along with the calm reassurance that there is somebody else in this cruel world who can share their pain.
They are like the reflections of one another; Sanzo and Kougaiji.
Reflections are so much alike at first glance. They move as you do, make the same actions as you do. But they do it in reverse. Raise your left hand and they raise their right.
And that's the only way they can define what is between them for they refuse to call it a relationship or bond because they share these things with someone else.
They are the mirror image of the other. Like shards of a broken mirror that show a glimpse of something more in its depths.
Be my reflection
Be my image
Be what I cannot be