- Title: Let's Play Pretend
- Author: Meicdon13
- Pairing(s): Kougaiji x Sanzo/Sanzo x Kougaiji, mentions of Kougaiji x Yaone and Sanzo x Goku/Goku x Sanzo
- Rating: PG-13
- Summary: When we can't have what we want, we can pretend that what we have is the thing we want.
- Notes: Written for san_kou (15. Masquerade). Beta by TwinStar and purpleicicles.
LET'S PLAY PRETEND
He wraps the black length of cloth you use as a belt around your eyes and you can't see anything anymore. There are hands moving across your skin and you can feel his breath ghosting across your chest but you can't move; he's tied you to the bed with what feels like scarves. You can feel him shifting above you and you think, It's easier this way.
This way, you can get it over with without seeing his face, without being afraid he'll look into your eyes and see. This way, it's easier to pretend that it's not him but someone else, someone with golden eyes and a ready smile and a voice that calls out your name like you're the most important thing on Earth.
The first time you fucked each other, both of you stopped because it was too wrong. It was too…exposed. You couldn't bear it. You turned him onto his hands and knees and went on. It was easier that way. You came with a harsh cry and a name that wasn't his. You don't know if he heard you.
The next time you fucked each other, you turned off all the lights and drew the curtains so that only a sliver of light could enter the room. The shadows changed everything and blurred everything and it was easier that way too.
During the day, it's as if there's nothing between you.
Sometimes when you tie him up with the sutra, it leaves what looks like burn marks on his skin. He's never complained but you can tell from the careful way that he carries himself that it at least makes it difficult for him to move.
When he gets too rough with his kinks, you never tell him. You keep quiet and think that the pain's a good thing; it keeps you grounded. That's what you tell yourself when you rub chafed wrists and sore limbs.
Sometimes it's hard to pretend. Especially when he's too close to your ear and you can hear him breathing or when you can feel his heart beating against your skin. You've never known what he would be like in bed but you've imagined and it's nothing like what you experience.
Tonight, all the lamps are off and there's only one small candle on the bedside table. He's moving and you groan, instinctively pulling against your bonds. Then he's coming and through the thundering of your own heart, you hear him say, "Yaone."