- Title: I Wish
- Author: Meicdon13
- Pairing(s): Sanzo x Goku
- Rating: PG
- Summary: Sanzo was never really one to look back at the past but everyone has their moments.
- Website: http://meicdon13.livejournal.com/
- Warnings: Deathfic

I WISH


It wasn't really right that he had been the first one to die. Everyone had expected him to be the one to live the longest, the one to live forever, actually, and his death was a huge blow to the remaining members of the ikkou.

Because Goku had been the one filled with the most life and happiness. Compared to the three of them, he had the most to offer to the world.

Sanzo stood there; leaning against the rock they had used to mark Goku's grave, a jug of sake in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He drank straight from the jug, unfocused purple eyes looking straight ahead of him. The tip of his cig glowed a dull red, a pinpoint of light in the dark night.

Hakkai and Gojyo had gone back to their camp to go to sleep but the monk had refused to budge after burying their fallen comrade. He had simply settled down on the dirt by the improvised grave and had ignored all protests from the healer and the kappa.

Sanzo took a swig from the jug and swallowed, the sake making its way down his throat. "Stupid monkey," he muttered in the still night air. "I wish you hadn't gone charging into that fucking throne room."

Another swig. Then a drag from the cigarette. Sanzo let the nicotine course through his system, numbing him from the ache in his chest. "I wish you hadn't taken off your fucking limiter and tried to take on Gyumao by yourself."

But that had been a sight to behold, hadn't it? The Great Sage Equal to Heaven, fighting against the Bull King. Sanzo snorted. He was one of the few people who had survived something so…awe-inspiring and had lived to tell the tale.

Right. This is how I lost my lover. The monk shook the sake jug and listened to the liquid sloshing around in it. He reckoned that there were still a few gulps left and brought the jug to his lips once more. He intended to be totally drunk by the end of the night.

"I wish you hadn't thought that sacrificing yourself was the only way to win," he muttered. "It's not like the three of us are totally useless…Scratch that. Gojyo's useless."

The night grew colder and the stars slowly blinked into existence above him. Sanzo ignored their cold beauty and wishes he could be staring into bright golden eyes instead.

Sanzo wishes that he hadn't shouted at Goku every time the brunet started whining for food. He wishes that he had been more patient, more caring, more…more like Komyou Sanzo. He wishes that he had been more understanding. He wishes that he had been a lot less short-tempered.

Most of all, he wishes that he had told Goku how he really felt before they had gone into Houtou Castle.

The alcohol and nicotine slowly combine in his system, bringing the blond to the brink of unconsciousness. Before he completely passes out, he says softly, "I wish you were here so I could hit you on the head and call you an idiot."

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