- Title: (Forgive me father) For I Have Sinned (And do not feel like repenting)
- Author: Meicdon13
- Pairing(s): Ukoku x Hazel
- Rating: R
- Summary: Since his master won't teach him how to kill monsters, Hazel decides to ask Ukoku, confident that he'll be able to get what he wants from the dark Sanzo.

- Website: http://meicdon13.livejournal.com/
- Warnings: Shota
- Notes: Set in the Sunspot extra in Reload volume 9. This fic also contains dialogue from said extra and Saiyuki volume 9. Obviously, those bits of the fic aren't mine. Translation of Sunspot from saiyuki_manga, translation of Saiyuki volume 9 from
Manga City. I don't usually write these two so there'll probably be mistakes.



(Forgive me father) For I Have Sinned (And do not feel like repenting)

"Don't you know you have no worth?"

Ukoku's hand is surprisingly warm against his cheek and chin. Hazel looks up at the foreigner, his eyes wide as Ukoku continues to speak; his words ringing in Hazel's ears. He doesn't want to listen to this strange man—this man who has a nasty way of speaking, who reminds him of a large raven, who is somehow disquieting, whose sardonic smile makes you feel like he knows something important that only he is privy to.

"People's sentiments change turbulently, according to the ups and downs of subjective thought. Worth is determined arbitrarily based on someone else's subjective view."

The smile on Ukoku's lips seems to mock Hazel. The clinical words make him want to cover his ears.

"At this very moment, an elevated rate might in one second turn negative, and the reverse is also true."

Then Ukoku's hand moves and his thumb presses against the corner of Hazel's mouth. He's seized by the strongest urge to snake out his tongue and lick the pad of Ukoku's thumb. The moment passes when the priest's next words reach Hazel's ears.

"In other words, you and I...and all living things have no inherent 'worth'," Ukoku says, pressing a bit harder against Hazel's lips before pulling his hand away and straightening. He takes a drag from his cigarette as Hazel slowly regains his wits.

To be told that he has no worth—that his master might think of him as worthless—that is what drove Hazel to prove himself to this raven-haired foreigner. Who was Ukoku Sanzo to lecture him about the value of things when he is only a few years older than Hazel? He is probably just repeating words from his master. Hazel's blood is pounding in his ears as he turned around to face the ravens, determination etched onto his face.

A few minutes later, face-down on the ground and panting for breath, Hazel watches as Ukoku annihilates the rest of the birds with a careless sweep of his hand and can't help but feel in awe of the power Ukoku wields so effortlessly.


When Hazel wakes up, he's lying down on his bed. Afternoon sunlight spills into the room through the open window and he can hear someone talking outside. It sounds like his master. A voice Hazel identifies as Ukoku's says something in response and laughter drifts into his room.

He hates the sound of it.

Hazel tries to roll over onto his stomach and cover his head with a pillow but he's still too drained from the exorcism to move much. Instead, he focuses on the wilted flower and the spilled soil on the floor of his bedroom. He remembers shouting accusations at his master; calling him a liar. The memory makes him feel small and stupid and he wishes that he'd never done something so disrespectful towards the man who'd taken him in as his own.

There's a knock on his door and he turns his head, a smile forming, thinking that it's his master. His smile disappears when he sees that it's actually Ukoku standing there, a tray of food balanced on one hand.

"May I come in?" he asks while stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him, not even waiting for an answer.

Hazel doesn't answer but instead looks at the dark priest warily. He's tempted to be rude but he knows that his master would not approve of such uncivil behavior and simply stares at Ukoku. Then he realizes that staring is rude as well and focuses his attention on the wilted flower again.

Ukoku motions for Hazel to sit up and places the breakfast tray across the boy's lap. He walks over to the chair beside Hazel's desk afterwards and sprawls there, for lack of a better word. "You've still got a long way to go," Ukoku says simply, his usual sardonic smile in place. "Though I must say that what skills you have now are quite impressive." He leans forward and places his chin on his hand, elbow propped up on his knee. "I find it hard that you learned all of that from books."

Hazel glares at Ukoku, his bright blue eyes narrowed. "I already told you; my master won't teach me."

"I know, I know," Ukoku replies, waving a hand carelessly.

Hazel snorts derisively and concentrates on his breakfast. Maybe the annoying man will leave if he doesn't pay any attention to him. Hazel takes a bite out of his buttered bread, drinks his juice, and frowns at his sheets as he chews. He can feel Ukoku's eyes on him the entire time.

When Hazel's done, Ukoku picks up the tray. "Filbert told me to tell you to rest." His smile widens as he closes the bedroom door, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Sleep tight, little angel."

Hazel spends most of the afternoon lying in bed and staring at the ceiling.


If he were honest with himself, he would admit that Filbert reminded him a lot of Koumyou. But he didn't want to be honest with himself. He just wanted to wrap his hands around Hazel's slender neck and maybe choke the life out of the little boy.

It was kind of sad that for his entire life, he apparently needed to fight against little brats to get any attention.


manipulation: exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage

As much as Hazel doesn't like Ukoku, he can't help but admire the man's skill at slaying monsters. The drive to know more—to improve enough that his master will take notice of him—makes Hazel hunger for the chance to learn Ukoku's foreign spells. The techniques in Hazel's books haven't exactly failed him but he is still far from mastering them. If he can learn what Ukoku did...maybe he'll be able to make up for his lack of mastery.

These thoughts run through Hazel's mind as he tries to calm himself down. It's difficult to do that while Ukoku's looking at him like he's something mildly interesting that the older man just happened to come across.

Finally trusting himself enough to speak, Hazel asks, "Why won't you teach me?"

Ukoku tilts his head to one side, leaning back on the sofa. "Filbert asked me not to."

Hazel's sure that the shock and hurt are clearly seen on his face but he finds that at that moment, he doesn't care whether Ukoku knows what he's thinking or not. "What..." Words are trying to make their way out of his throat. He feels betrayed, somehow. That his master would even prevent him from finding a teacher...

He feels the sting of tears in his eyes and fights them back. "Did he say why?" he asks. He feels his hurt turning into something else—indignation—and tamps it down as well. Maybe he can still talk Ukoku into teaching him. He just has to stay level-headed.

"Not really. No."

Desperate, Hazel leans forward earnestly. "But master only asked you not to! You could still teach me if you wanted to!"

Ukoku looks a bit taken aback at what Hazel said, as if he hadn't thought about that. For a moment, Hazel harbors the small hope that the dark priest will actually agree to take him on as a pupil. A thoughtful look crosses Ukoku's face and Hazel practically holds his breath, waiting for his answer.

"Why should I?"

It's not the response that Hazel expects and for a moment, he simply ends up staring at Ukoku. "What?"

Ukoku sits up straighter and looks Hazel in the eye, and elaborates. "Why should I teach you anything? Filbert asked me not to and I have no reason to go against the wishes of my host." Black eyes travel down the expanse of Hazel's body and suddenly, he feels exposed.

He ignores the sudden feeling of vulnerability and manages to keep his voice even. "Maybe you just don't want to teach me because you're not really that good." It's a weak jab but it was the best Hazel can come up with at the moment in the face of Ukoku's scrutiny.

Ukoku raises an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge, little angel?"

"What if it is?" Hazel raises his chin.

There's silence between them for a few seconds until Ukoku says, "Tomorrow. Three in the afternoon. Near the old cemetery." The older man stands up and walks out of the room, his robes brushing against Hazel as he passes by him. "Don't be late."


"Ukoku-han, I thought you said that you would leave Hazel alone."

"Actually, you asked me if I could try to leave him alone and I didn't say that I would, did I?"

A laugh. "I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am." A grin. "I'm seldom wrong."

"You certainly are...confident."

"Don't worry, Filbert. I'll make sure that nothing happens to your precious Hazel."

"...he's special to you."

"Of course he is."

"I'm jealous."


"You may know a lot of spiritual attacks but when it comes to the physical, you're pretty weak."

Ukoku easily dodges yet another poorly-aimed punch from Hazel and reappears in a swirl of black robes behind the younger man. He taps the side of Hazel's neck with the tip of a finger and Hazel crumples to the ground; body completely paralyzed from the neck down.

The priest squats down in front of Hazel and grins cheekily. "It's important that you be strong in body, too. If you aren't and a monster gets close enough..." he trails off and then shrugs. "Then it'll be bye-bye, angel."

"If I still can't get the hang of this, then I'll just have to get a bodyguard, won't I?" Hazel says flippantly as Ukoku presses the same pressure point in his neck. He doesn't help Hazel as he stands up, just watches the teen with an amused look on his face.

"A bodyguard?" he asks as Hazel brushes off dirt from the front of his shirt.

"If I don't get the hang of this," Hazel clarifies. He drops back into the fighting stance that Ukoku showed him earlier, the muscles in his arms and legs aching from their long sparring session. It is almost time for him to prepare dinner but Hazel was determined to at least land a hit—no matter how insignificant.

They stare at one another for a few moments and then, Hazel moves. He tries to kick Ukoku but once again, the older man is too quick for him. Then the world seems to turn upside down and Hazel suddenly finds himself pinned to the ground; Ukoku's knee on his back and his hands keeping Hazel's immobilized.

Hazel pants for breath, cheek pressed against the rough dirt. Somewhere in front of him, he can see the dim shapes of the cemetery's tombstones in the quickly waning afternoon sunlight.

"You need more practice," Ukoku says, his breath feathering across the back of Hazel's neck. Hazel shivers, not knowing why, and squeezes his eyes shut. For a moment, Ukoku's knee presses harder against his back and the foreign priest's grip tightens. Then Ukoku's pulling away and standing up.

Hazel hears the shifting of robes behind him and lies panting on the ground for a few more seconds before getting up as well.

In silence, they make their way back to the church, Hazel walking a bit behind Ukoku.


manipulation: the action of touching with the hands (or the skillful use of the hands) or by use of mechanical means

It is just another regular training session with Ukoku up until the point when Hazel finally manages to knock down the older man.

Ukoku lands on the hard ground with a grunt, Hazel falling right on top of him. The teen pants, hands fisted in Ukoku's robes, trying to catch his breath.

He finally landed a hit! And not only did he land a hit, he made Ukoku lose his balance and fall! Never mind the fact that the only reason that happened is because Hazel also lost his balance as he swung his fist, bringing them both crashing to the ground.

Hazel grins fiercely at Ukoku. "Looks like I won't need a bodyguard after all," he remarks cockily.

Ukoku raises an eyebrow. "Aah. But from here, an enemy can still do a lot of things." Suddenly, Hazel feels strong arms wrap around his waist and he's flipped easily. Ukoku smirks down at him. "Don't assume that I'm helpless just because I'm on my back."

Hazel's eyes widen as he stares up at the dark priest. Ukoku simply looks down at him, still smirking. Just to wipe the annoyingly superior look on the older man's face, Hazel strains up and kisses him.

Ukoku's entire body stiffens and Hazel congratulates himself for catching him off-guard again. Then there's a horrible jolting sensation and when he looks around them, he sees that they're lying on the floor at the back of the church.

Thankfully, the place is empty but that doesn't stop the blush that makes its way up Hazel's cheeks. "How did we—?" he begins but Ukoku's pulling him up to his feet and shoving him inside the nearest confession box.

The door closes behind the older man with a definitive click and in the semi-dark room, Hazel is suddenly overcome by a feeling of claustrophobia. There's barely enough room inside the booth for them to move and all his senses are completely overwhelmed by Ukoku's presence.

"Are you ready for me to defile you in the house of God, little angel?" the priest purrs, running a hand up Hazel's side and hooking his fingers in the collar of his shirt.

"Don't say such things!" Hazel hisses, cheeks still reddened. He tries to ignore the stirring at his groin. The kiss had been a mistake; a spur of the moment whim. Something to throw Ukoku for a loop. They weren't supposed to end up in a confession box, about to do unspeakable things.

But he is also so tempted...

Ukoku laughs at Hazel's discomfort and runs his hands down to the teen's pants. He makes quick work of the button and zipper on Hazel's fly and snakes his hand into the opening, his lips latching onto the side of Hazel's neck.

Hazel moans loudly at the feel of hot lips and tongue against his skin, his eyes glazing over with lust. "You have to be quiet," Ukoku whispers against his skin. "People might hear you. Filbert might hear you."

Hazel clamps a hand over his mouth, the other one rising up to fist in Ukoku's robes. Nimble fingers stroke over sensitive flesh, coaxing him into full hardness. Hazel whimpers as he feels Ukoku's mouth travelling up to suck on his ear, his hips thrusting into the narrow channel of Ukoku's fingers.

"Turn around," Ukoku says softly, hand squeezing Hazel's erection for emphasis. When Hazel doesn't immediately comply, he simply places his hands on Hazel's hips and spins him around, maneuvering the teen carefully in the small space.

Hazel braces himself against the wall and bites his lip in an attempt to keep quiet. Behind him, he can feel the movement of silk against his bare thighs as Ukoku opens his robe, hears the zipper on the priest's pants being pulled down.

He spreads his legs on instinct when he feels hands running up and down his sides, bunching his shirt up under his arms. Hazel's surprised when Ukoku says, "Keep your legs together," nipping at the back of Hazel's neck.

Hazel does as he's told, pressing his legs together tightly. Then, something hot and hard was slipping between his thighs, pressing against his balls, sliding along his own length. Behind him, Ukoku stifles a groan against the nape of his neck and begins moving.

The hot slide of skin against skin forces another sound out of Hazel and he tastes blood as his teeth break through his lip. Ukoku slides a hand up his front, under his shirt, and he starts nibbling the teen's ear. Hazel barely manages to refrain from crying out.

There's no sound in the booth except for their ragged breathing and the sound of skin against skin. Hazel shudders as he feels Ukoku moving against him, behind him, between him. Nimble fingers trail fire across his chest, a thumb rubbing against one nipple repeatedly. Hazel twists his head to one side and bites down on his own arm in an attempt to keep quiet.

Then Ukoku's hand is moving down his front and wrapping around both of their lengths. Hazel's cock slides along Ukoku's as he thrusts, blood pounding in his ears and arousal flooding through him.

"Come," Ukoku whispers, lips moving against his ear, and that's all it takes for Hazel to fall off the edge. He can feel his teeth almost breaking through the skin of his arm. Then Ukoku's coming as well, his semen mixing with Hazel's on the wall in front of them.

Ukoku withdraws and Hazel's grateful that it's too cramped for him to fall to his knees or collapse.


"Dear God, please buy me."

He looks down at the kid clutching his robes—white ones; he'd changed now that he was near Kinzan.

Raucous laughter surrounds them. "A monk wouldn't buy someone!" a man jeers.

The kid reminds him of Hazel. And Kouryuu.

Ukoku asks him, "Hey. Do you believe in God?"

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