Warnings: Kissing and light allusions to m/m
Pairing: Sanzo/Goku, mentions of Gojyo/Hakkai
Summary: Goku wants to know why Sanzo hides their relationship.
The rain was cold, a lot colder than the air around us, though the temperature had dropped considerably since we had dined outside two hours ago. I walked alongside Sanzo, listening to my boots squish in the grass and occasionally splash up to wet my ankles.
He looked to me with slight surprise behind his eyes, nodding. "Fine."
"The rain still makes you sad."
He looked as though he were about to say something, but nothing emerged. His lips parted as if to taste the rain, and then closed again in a thin line. I nudged him gently and changed his stride, slowing our pace. We were just out of Hakkai and Gojyo's yard, beneath a thick-limbed tree. I could see inside their bedroom through the glowing square of the window, fringed with green curtains. It was empty for the moment.
"Let's just wait under here until it slows a little bit," I leaned into the dry bark and folded my umbrella with a little sigh. Lightning startled me into looking up, and I was quickly distracted by the fair-haired man beside me. I couldn't help admiring the way the ivory cameo of his profile stood out against the dark shadows in the distance; his sharp cheekbones and straight nose gave him an aristocratic appearance, but his lips were joined in a fine line, brow tensed along his chakra. I touched his arm, and the muscles of his face slackened a bit, as if in relief.
"You look beautiful like that," I said quietly. He scoffed, rolling his eyes at me and muttering something about how Hakkai's sentimentality was rubbing off on me.
"Maybe." I tugged at his sleeve again, moving to balance my weight on the tips of my round-toed boots. Leaning into Sanzo, I pushed him into the rough, dry bark of the oak behind us. Arms slid up around his neck, and one hand flicked at the ends of his hair, grasping mostly air. He obliged, tilting his head down and pressing his mouth against mine with a little "mmnf."
I didn't mind straining my calves, and I would have stood like that all night if Sanzo would just continue kissing me. He brushed a palm through my hair and let another slide down my back, drawing me closer to him. When we broke for breath, I beamed up at him, cheeks flushed. His were too, and more noticeably so because of his complexion. I observed the tension of his brow had eased.
"If I kissed you like this at Chang'an, would you be mad?"
"Saru, we do more than this at Chang'an all the time."
"I mean, if I kissed you in front of someone else there, would you be mad?"
"What do you think?"
I grinned cheekily, arms still slung about his shoulders, mouth brushing his collarbone through the thin silk of his robe. "I think you'd be mad." He ched and pressed his lips to my forehead. I craned my neck upwards. "Is it 'cause you're embarrassed of me?"
We had been through this once before, when we argued over whether or not to tell Hakkai and Gojyo about our relationship. He hadn't wanted to so do much as provide them with a hint, and I wanted them to know right off the bat. It was important to me because they were my friends. Keeping our love a secret at Chang'an had never really bothered me because I didn't know many of the monks well enough to need to tell him. (Though if it were my decision, everyone everywhere would know how much I love Sanzo.) Fortunately I got my wish without having to go against Sanzo's to do so; Gojyo's peeping finally culminated in something useful to more than just him.
But lately unwelcome thoughts had been creeping into my head, and I just had to know for sure. If he didn't want me to, nothing would change. Really. But that didn't mean I wanted to be kept in the dark.
"We've never told anyone, or kissed where anyone could even hear, much less see us. Is it 'cause you're afraid of what they'll think of you for kissing me right there in public?"
"No. It's not as though I don't want them to know, but rather that I choose not to flaunt it. Unlike the dirty kappa," he plucked gently at my hair, straightening it a bit, "I don't have to advertise what we have to the world to be content with it."
I began to read between the lines—after so much time with Hakkai, how can a body not start doing this out of habit?—and I sensed sheer possessiveness. I knew there was logic there too; he didn't want to rile the others and risk any more "suggestions" that I be removed from the monastery for good. He didn't want to make trouble for me or himself, but moreover, he didn't want them to see that side of me. I began to understand it then, and I have a much better grasp on it now; Sanzo isn't a private person. The majority of his secrets aren't secrets at all, but those few he holds dear, the few he hides away, ought to be his to do with as he chooses. Our intimacy seems to be one of those things, and I don't mind it at all. It tells me he treasures what he has with me as much as he treasures the memories of Koumyou, and nothing could make me happier.
So I leaned back on my heels, smiling up at him, and let my hands trail down his arms. "Okay, Sanzo."
He grinned and dipped his head to kiss me again, arms slipping tightly about my body. "Because you are mine you know, saru," he whispered.
"Yeah," I breathed back, damp hands trailing through his hair, down his cheeks, to rest on his chest. And I thought I would like nothing better.