Lost

Author : lillypuff

Email: lilly_puff22 (at) yahoo (dot) com

LiveJournal: http://lillypuff.livejournal.com

Characters From : Saiyuki

Pairing : Gojyo x Hakkai, Sanzo x Goku

Theme : (30Kisses) Kappa List (Water) - #07, Lost

Complete: 4 of 30

Rating : R (CH 1-5) to NC-17 (CH 6 & 7)

Warning(s) : Angst, swearing, mild m/m sexual content  

Summary : Early on in the journey, the Ikkou gets lost & has a run in with an interesting entity. Cursing, loving and the occasional silliness ensues.

Disclaimer : Sadly, Saiyuki does not belong to me. I wish it did =) Don't sue me, I don't have any money anyway.

PART - 1 of 7

"For the love of all things sanct upon this sweet fucking earth!" That's Sanzo, no doubt.

This is going to be a long day.

 "Relax Sanzo, it's not that bad." Only Hakkai could remain that calm with Sanzo's full fury raining down upon him. "I just need to figure out where we went wrong and…"

"Not that bad? NOT. THAT. BAD. We're lost and THAT'S all you can say?" Fucking Sanzo. It's not often he unleashes his full rage on Hakkai like this. I wonder if I should step in?

"We've been roughing it for a couple days now and that fucking monkey back there is going to eat us out of the rest of our supplies in no time if we don't find a town soon…"

"I'm hungry." Goku, right on cue.

"SHUT UP."

*WHAP* *WHAP*

Fan…

"Seriously though, it's not like this is difficult, we are going west. So just go…FUCKING WEST!"

"Well, that's pretty much what got us lost in the first place. These maps we picked up are next to useless." How the hell does Hakkai keep so calm?

"Saaanzo, don't yell at Hakkai, it's not his fault." You'd think the monkey would have learned that whining only provokes him further.

"Didn't I just tell you to SHUT UP?"

*WHAP* *WHAP* *WHAP*

Fan…

 "Look Hakkai, I don't give a flying fuck what you do, just get us un-lost, NOW!"

Alright, that's it…

"Look MONK. I've been sitting back here trying to keep out of this because one, I'm nursing the hangover that might finally kill me, and two, because I KNOW Hakkai hates it when I think he needs rescuing, but you are crossing the line. Now I don't know if that monkey finally got around to shoving his nyoi-bou up your ass and just forgot to take it out, or what, but seriously, CHILL THE FUCK OUT."

*CLICK*

Gun…

"Kappa, follow the Monkey's shining example and shut the fuck up. Hakkai, drive."

Fuck it…I'm only making things worse…

"Pervert."

Shut up monkey…

*WHAP*

Fan…

*****

"Are you OK?" Gojyo whispered.

It had been over an hour since any of them had last spoke. Gojyo eventually leaned forward until he was up against the driver's seat, resting his chin on Hakkai's right shoulder, making sure his face was mostly obscured from Sanzo's view by the seat and Hakkai's head.

"I'm fine Gojyo," he whispered back, "we'll talk about it later."

"That's fine, I just wanted to check," Gojyo replied as he placed a very discreet kiss on the youkai's neck. He didn't have to see his face to know that Hakkai smiled.

"I appreciate it, kappa." Hakkai reached his hand back and quickly ruffled the red head's hair, "How's the hangover?"

"Better. Must be the view." Gojyo leaned forward peering into Hakkai's lap. That got a chuckle out of him, which made Gojyo feel much better.

Gojyo had to fight the urge to stay in that position where he could smell Hakkai so clearly. He wanted to reach between the seat and the door and wrap his arm around his lover and steal and quick grope, or two…or three. But in the end he knew that that would only lead to him getting shot, considering the mood the monk was in, and he sure as hell wasn't about to die horny…not if he had anything to say about it.

He leaned back with a sigh, and turned to look at Goku, who was staring longingly at the back of Sanzo's head.

Gojyo hoped like hell he had never looked that lost and dejected in the days before he and Hakkai hand finally confessed their feelings for each other. 

Poor monkey. I know how you feel kid, all too well.

*****

By the time Sanzo decided it was time to stop for the night, Gojyo had managed to shake loose the lingering hangover and had started picking on Goku. It was really the only way he knew to get the kid to stop his obvious pining.

"Alright Monkey, let's see you get out of this one."

Gojyo put the now riled up Goku into an iron grip head lock, sat down on a large rock, and tried to think about what was going on. His gaze passing from Hakkai to Sanzo…Sanzo to Hakkai…Hakkai to…Hakkai.

Damn it! I am as addicted to looking at Hakkai as I am to smoking…speaking of which…

He tried to fumble his smokes out of his pocket, but the monkey was struggling so much that he ended up dropping the pack. 

Fuck it. I'll just feed my other addiction.

Which is exactly what he did, while remembering to occasionally egg on Goku, still trapped under his arm.

After a couple minutes of watching Hakkai unload the Jeep, he began to think that maybe he should help out, give Hakkai a break, considering how the day had gone.

Gojyo let out a loud chuckle as he released Goku from his struggles.

Damn man, first you can't stop looking and now you want to help with chores. When did you become so whipped?

"Finally," gasped Goku, a bit overdramatically, "I thought I was going to suffocate under there."

"Stuff it Monkey," replied Gojyo, "not my fault you couldn't get out on your own."

In a fit of childish abandon, he stuck his tongue out at the boy, who merely plopped down on the rock Gojyo has just left unoccupied, and stared, obviously amused. But amusement was quickly replaced by a phrase they all knew too well.

"I'm hungry, when are we going to eat Hakkai? And where is Sanzo?"

Well, can't say I didn't try to distract him.

"I'll start working on dinner in just a few minutes," Hakkai paused in thought for a second, "and I believe Sanzo is standing behind that large tree behind you and to the left."

Gojyo heard the unmistakable sounds of Sanzo grumbling in frustration coming from behind said tree, followed by the rustling of a robe. He saw Sanzo's arm dart out from his hiding place, fan in hand.

"Don't even think about coming over here. I am going for a walk," he curtly called out, stepping from behind the tree, staring at the three of them, his eyes almost daring one of them to move.

Gojyo heard Hakkai emit a sigh before speaking up.

"Sanzo, perhaps you shouldn't go wondering alone considering we know less about were we are then usual."

I'll never understand why he gives a damn about that selfish monk, Gojyo thought with a bit of anger and quiet possibly, jealousy.

Hakkai turned to Goku, "Why don't you go with him Goku? See if you can find anything edible that we can add to our diminishing supplies."

Goku said nothing, only looked at the monk to gauge his reaction to this suggestion.

Gojyo watched this exchange in utter amazement as the monk's shoulder sagged, giving into Hakkai's suggestion. Now that was unusual. Sanzo actually complying with someone else's wishes. There must be something really bothering him.

The monk nodded at Goku, "Come on monkey, let's go hunt and gather for our womenfolk."

"OK Sanzo." Goku replied. Compliant as ever our Goku, Gojyo thought as he watched the two walk further into the woods.

"Wait a minute?!" Gojyo shot a glance at Hakkai, "Did Sanzo just call us women?"

Hakkai couldn't hold back his laugh. "Yes Gojyo, I believe he did."

*****

Gojyo and Hakkai spent the next hour unloading the Jeep (which took only a few minutes) and preparing dinner. They took advantage of Sanzo and Goku's absence, touching, teasing, and kissing in away that they rarely could without being confined to a small inn room.

Gojyo was tempted to tackle Hakkai to the ground for a quickie, but he decided against it. With his luck the monk, or worse, the monkey, would come back in the middle of it, and he didn't want to ruin the semblance of normalcy that had half returned to the group since they stopped for the night. 

When Hakkai looked like he had everything under control, Gojyo returned to his rock and lit a smoke. As he sat and smoked he continued to watch Hakkai, not knowing why he was so captivated by him. He must of zoned out at some point, because he suddenly found himself staring eye to eye with Hakkai. 

Hakkai reached out, placing a hand under his chin and brought his lips to the red head's. When he withdrew from the kiss, Hakkai tilted his head and spoke, "You alright Gojyo?".

"Yeah, I'm fine, just zoned out," he replied, "long day I guess, though I imagine yours was longer."

"Well, all that yelling probably didn't help your head."

Gojyo hadn't wanted to get into a real conversation for fear of it being interrupted, but before he know it, the words were coming out of his mouth:

"Why do you stay so calm when he yells at you like that? Why do you put up with that shit?"

"Someone has to."

"That's bullshit and you know it. You're not his rag doll. You don't have to take his abuse."

Hakkai chuckled, "The way I see it, it's the ones who talk back to him that end up getting abused by his Holy Fan of Doom."

Gojyo had to admit he had a point there. "But doesn't it bother you?"

"It does, but Sanzo is, well…Sanzo. I can't change what he is and how he acts. So I turn my thoughts to other things and it goes away."

"What other things?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out. Maybe."

Gojyo grinned. They shared a moment of comfortable silence staring absent mindedly at each other. It was Hakkai who broke the quiet.

"I'm worried about him Gojyo."

"Who? Sanzo?"

"Yes"

"You're worried about Sanzo? "Mr. I Walk Alone", regardless of how many people happen to be walking beside him? Why?"

"I don't know. But something's not right and I don't think we can afford to have these sort of problems these days."

"Well, I agree with you there, but like you said, 'Sanzo is Sanzo', he'll work out is own problems just like always. Besides, if there is anyone you should be worrying about, Mr. Mother Hen, it's Goku."

"Goku? Wait a second, you find it odd that I worry about Sanzo, and yet you are worried about Goku?"

Heh, he got me there.

"Seriously though Hakkai. Have you ever seen how he watches Sanzo? It's bordering on sick and I can't help but feel sorry for him. He worships the ground that stupid baldy monk walks on and yet it falls on deaf ears, or something."

"I wouldn't say that. We notice, don't we?"

"Well yeah, but I don't see how that helps." Gojyo paused for a second, "Wait a minute, is that why you wanted Goku to go with him?"

Hakkai shrugged.

"You sent him out there with Sanzo, who is more pissed then I've seen him in a while, in hopes of what? That they would fuck?"

"No you stupid Kappa," Hakkai said through a chuckle, "Good lord, do you ever think of anything else?"

"Well, no, not when you are sitting right in front of me."

"Indeed. I wonder how many ladies you used that line on before me." Hakkai displayed a broad grin that was, well, almost frightening.

"None actually. I was saving it for the right woman." Hakkai let loose a genuine laugh at that, and Gojyo laughed along.

"So what are you playing matchmaker now?"

"I just figured they could use some time alone together, in a non sexual way. Besides, I cook, I clean and I keep things together, and if Sanzo is going to start calling me a woman, I might as well go all the way and start trading in gossip and trying to fix up my friends."

"You are a strange man Cho Hakkai," Gojyo said through a grin.

"Yes, that I am," he replied as he stood up and walked over to the red head. He sat on the big Kappa's lap, straddling his long legs, starring deep into his blood red eyes, "But isn't that why you love me?"

Gojyo felt himself being lost in the youkai's green eyes.

"Yes Hakkai, I believe it is."

To be continued……….

PART - 2 of 7 

"Goku, where'd you go?"

No response.

"Goku?"

This is not the time to be losing each other.

"Damn it Monkey, you better answer me."

Still nothing.

*****

Goku had followed Sanzo into the copse of trees where they had stopped for the night, content in the thought that at least he would get to be alone with Sanzo for awhile. He wasn't sure why he wanted to be alone with the monk though. Sure, Sanzo was a bit different towards him when they were alone, but it wasn't really that much of a change. He was less angry sometimes, but he didn't say much more, and he didn't seem like he cared anymore.

Goku's stomach suddenly growled and it reminded him of why he had been sent out with Sanzo in the first place. He, Goku, was to gather food, if he could find any. So he kept his eyes peeled, looking for bushes and plants that might yield fruits he could bring back to Hakkai, whom he was eager to please, because unlike Sanzo, Hakkai would say "thank you" and pat him on the head, or ruffle his hair and smile at him.

Lost in his thoughts, Goku didn't realize he had walked away from Sanzo as he searched for something edible and it wasn't until he stumbled across a patch of strawberry bushes that he was fully jerked from his thoughts.

"Hey, Sanzo, look what I found."

No response. Oh well, it's not as if neither of them could take care of themselves.

Goku reached out and plucked a strawberry off of the bush. He sniffed it. It smelled fine, looked fine, as far as see could see in the lingering light, felt ripe. He took a bite.

Delicious! These would be great. Sure, they couldn't live off 'em if they remained lost for awhile, but Goku thought it might cheer everyone up to have some fresh wild strawberries. He popped a few more into his mouth…he really was hungry. As he grabbed for more he realized he hadn't brought anything with him to carry back whatever he might find. He supposed he could come back, but he really wanted to bring at least some back to their campsite now. So he unlatched his cape from his shoulders and inspected it the best he could. Seemed clean enough, it would have to do.

Goku set himself to the task at hand, relying on touch more then sight to tell if the berries were good for eating. Somehow most of the berries made it onto his cape, though many ended up directly in his mouth. Once he had a nice pile of them, he pulled up and tied the corners of the cape, happy with his makeshift bag.

Goku wondered if he should go find Sanzo, or just head back to the campsite, but he realized he wasn't quiet sure where the campsite was, he had after all stumbled upon this area while wandering, lost in thought. He looked around, trying to see if he could see light from the campfire in the distance.

He did see a light, it wasn't the yellow-orange light of the fire he was expecting but instead a beautiful blue green light. Curious he walked to it, losing it a couple times on the way, but each time he found it again, the light was brighter and it began to call to him, not in words, but in emotions. He felt love, happiness, fear, loneliness, and it pulled him to the light.

He found the source of the light, a small pond, not much bigger then a large bathtub, nestled between two large rocks that reflected the light despite their apparent darkness. It was a warm color, a forgiving color, a welcoming color.

The water was perfectly still as Goku dropped to his knee's at the edge of the pond, still holding onto his makeshift bag with one hand. He reached out with his other hand, he couldn't help it, he wanted to see the stillness dissolved. His hand stopped though, just centimeters away from the peaceful water, and then he saw gold, as brilliant as the sun, and he was lost in it.

*****

This is ridiculous.

Sanzo wasn't sure how long he had been searching, but he knew it was too long to have gone with out hearing Goku reply to his calls. He had contemplated going back to the campsite to get Hakkai & Gojyo, but he hadn't because he thought he would have found that damn monkey by now.

Where the hell could he have gone? This "forest" isn't that big.

"Goku, where are…" he stopped mid yell. He had caught a flash of gold out of the corner of his eye.

He turned in the direction it had come from but it was gone. He began to walk that way none the less, searching for another flash, his pace quickening. It had been obvious that something was wrong since he had started searching for Goku, but it was only now that it really started to bother him.

His stomach began to feel like it was tying itself in a knot and he started to run.

Pull yourself together, this is not the time to starting getting emotional. You'll find the damn monkey, you always do.

Damn straight he would. He'd lost enough, he wasn't about to let the monkey get away that easy.

Sanzo was starting to wonder if he had gone in the wrong direction when he saw the gold light again, hovering up ahead, filling in the darkness between the trees. He removed his gun from the folds of his robe as he ran into the small clearing that surrounded the light and the pond where Goku kneeled.

"Goku…"

He wasn't sure why he called to him, he had been calling the ape for the better part of an hour, why he would here him now while he was obviously entranced was beyond him.

Sanzo slowly walked toward Goku, until he was a few feet behind him. He tried to walk closer, but he couldn't, the light was blinding, and becoming hot. Goku was still kneeling at the edge of the pond, oblivious to the change in temperature, both arms draped at his side, one holding on to what looked like a bag of some sort. Goku was motionless, head drooped slightly as if he were staring into the pond, which radiated gold light.

He had to admit he wasn't sure what to do. If there had been a youkai or something else present, he would have shot it. But there wasn't really anything to shoot…at least not that he could see. Just light, burning, blinding light. He really didn't want to waste bullets shooting into nothingness.

Sanzo noticed an odd thing then. The pond was growing. Only slightly, but it was indeed getting bigger. Goku had been at the edge of it, but now the water was playing around his knees.

Fuck it.

He managed to inch closer to Goku and raised his gun. He hoped this would work, he didn't want to have to shoot the monkey.

*****

The light surrounded him and he felt warm. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling. When he opened them again, he saw Sanzo, hand outstretched towards him. He tried to reach for him but he couldn't move.

Sanzo…

He heard a voice.

Why do you yearn for him so, little one?

He saved me. He always saves me.

I can feel your devotion to him. But there is also sadness. It tears you in two. You shouldn't have to feel this way. I can help you. You can give it to me.

Give what to you?