Author:
lillypuff
LiveJournal: http://lillypuff.livejournal.com
Characters From: Saiyuki
Pairing(s): Gojyo/Goku, Gojyo/Hakkai, and a tiny bit of Sanzo/Goku
Rating: R
Written For: springkink
Prompt: Gojyo/Goku:
hurt/comfort - "monkey fixes the wounds"
Word
Count: 3,379
Warnings: angst
(this is not a happy fic), implied alcohol abuse, language, m/m
err…comfort? (not sexuality), Gojyo actually
using an ashtray.
Summary: It had only been a week and a half
since Hakkai had shown up at the temple, suitcase in hand…
Disclaimer: Sadly, Saiyuki does not
belong to me.
A/N: My thanks to smillaraaq for the
fantastic beta job! BTW, she recommends
you have tissues at the ready. I
touched this last so any remaining mistakes are my own.
Goku stood stock still at the threshold of Gojyo
and Hakkai's house wondering if he should just call it Gojyo's house now, or
Hakkai's ex-house. Truthfully he didn't
like the way either sounded. It just
didn't seem right if it wasn't Gojyo and
Hakkai. They'd picked it out together
after returning from India and finding Gojyo's old house in a sorry state of
disrepair. It was their house, and yet only one of them currently occupied it. And even that was up for debate.
Goku let his eyes roam over the disheveled front
room. Kitchen chairs lay on their sides;
beer cans littered the table, counters and floors. A couple of ashtrays sat on end tables, overflowing with more
butts then Goku could ever recall seeing in once place. He wasn't sure if it seemed odd because
Hakkai hadn't been around to empty them, or because Gojyo was actually using them. Either way, it wasn't right.
Goku took a few steps further into the house,
looking around for signs that Gojyo was somewhere in the mess. It had only been a week and a half since
Hakkai had shown up at the temple, suitcase in hand; but by the looks of the
house, Goku would have guessed he'd been gone longer.
Goku suddenly felt bad. If he'd shown up sooner, perhaps some of this could have been
avoided, but he'd thought Hakkai was just visiting as he sometimes did. It wasn't until a few days had passed and
Gojyo hadn't shown up to hang out and
spend time with Hakkai that Goku realized something was amiss.
"Gojyo?" Goku called into the house, not
really expecting an answer. When he got
one, he was slightly surprised.
"Go'way monkey," Gojyo half yelled, half
slurred.
Goku walked forward again, this time making a path
through the cluttered living room to the door of the master bedroom. Tentatively, Goku reached for the doorknob
and turned it.
"Said go'way," Gojyo repeated, but Goku
didn't listen. He rarely did when Gojyo
was involved, more out of playful spite then anything else; and if he ended up
regretting it later then so be it.
Goku's eyes widening at the sight of Gojyo sitting
cross-legged on the large bed, his clothes wrinkled, his boots partly untied
but still on. A cigarette dangled from his cracked lips
and Gojyo's five o'clock shadow looked like it had started coming in days ago. The room offered up a mixture of scents -- tobacco, beer, body
odor -- and Goku tried his best to ignore them. All the while, Gojyo simply stared back at him like a rag doll,
his red eyes dull and blank.
Gojyo tilted his head slightly and a sad smile
played across his face, "He left."
Goku knew this, of course, but he hadn't been sure
how else to start. His eyes never left Gojyo as he stepped across the threshold. He didn't look like he was in any condition
to make sudden movements, but over the past few years Goku had learned not to
underestimate a wounded animal. He didn't
think he was in any real danger -- Gojyo was drunk, not berserk -- but as Hakkai might say: best to err on the side of
caution.
"Hope he's alright," Gojyo slurred as
Goku took slow, steady steps forward.
"He's at the temple," Goku replied,
unsure if it was the wisest thing to say; but he thought Gojyo deserved at
least the knowledge that Hakkai was safe.
Whether the healer was alright
was still up for debate.
"Oh," Gojyo replied, as if the thought
hadn't occurred to him that Hakkai would go to the place where the rest of his
friends were, "'at's pro'ly for the best.
He can 'ave a better life there.
N'ver should'a left in the firs' place."
Goku cringed at what the words implied and hoped
it was just the beer talking.
"Why did Hakkai leave?" Goku asked
quietly as he took the last few steps necessary to bring him alongside the bed,
Gojyo's head turning slowly to follow him with listless eyes.
"Said 'at he'd hoped we'd have 'settled down'
by now," Gojyo replied softly. "Told
him I didn't know what its like to settle down. Been wandering too long.
First as a kid, then the stupid journey. It's not in my nature."
Goku frowned, "And that's why he left?"
he asked as he sat down gently on the edge of the bed, careful not to knock
over the nearly full ashtray that sat between them.
"Yes.
No. I dunno." Gojyo
replied, looking confused. "I'd
just come back from playin' poker, so I was a 'lil tipsy…" by now Goku
knew enough 'Gojyo Speak' to know that 'a 'lil tipsy' meant drunk. "He has bad timing, always wants
ta talk when I've been drinkin'."
"And from the looks of it you haven't let up
since then…"
"Shut it, monkey," Gojyo barked, "M'not
a fuckin' lush. I only started drinkin'
when I realized he wasn't comin' back."
"And this is the kind of mess you want him to
come back to?" Goku asked with a shake of his head, "What would he
say?"
"Pro'ly 'good riddance to bad rubbish' or
somethin' else equally prissy," Gojyo replied with a drunken flick of the
wrist. A moment of silence passed
before he spoke again. "You think he'll come back?"
"I don't know. Do you want him to?"
To that, Gojyo didn't reply but instead nodded his
head vigorously before slumping over and resting his head on Goku's
shoulder. Goku began to contemplate
whether or not he could talk Hakkai into coming back to at least talk to Gojyo when he was assaulted with
a rather pungent aroma. Goku twitched
and nearly knocked over the ashtray. With
Gojyo so close, it was hard to ignore the stench of unwashed water sprite.
"Ugh.
Gojyo, you need a freakin' bath." Goku proclaimed as he pushed
Gojyo's head from his shoulder, causing the red head to slump further down
along the bed, hitting the ashtray on his way down. Somehow none of its contents managed to spill out onto the bed.
"Aw, come on, it's not that bad," Gojyo whined back in defense, "is it?"
"Gods, how long's it been? A week?" Goku replied as he stood up
and stretched.
"Shut up," Gojyo grumbled before turning
his head in Goku's direction. "'Sides,
it can't be worse 'en the time you and I went dumpster divin' after you threw
away 'Kai's monocle?"
"Way worse," Goku replied. "And I didn't throw it away, you did."
*****
To Goku, it seemed like an eternity had passed
before Gojyo finally stripped himself of all his clothing. Between stumbling around, nearly falling
over and barely being able to pull off his boots, Goku was surprised Gojyo had
managed to undress before the bathtub had finished filling.
After turning off the faucet, Goku looked back the
now naked man who stood leaning against the bathroom sink for support. He'd been in enough bath houses with Gojyo
not to be fazed by his state of undress.
"Well, get in," he directed having realized that Gojyo needed coaxing
almost as much as he needed to sober up.
Mumbling something to the effect of 'pushy fuckin'
monkey' Gojyo stumbled past Goku and stepped into the tub, nearly slipping on
the smooth surface. Righting himself Gojyo plopped down gracelessly to sit
inside the confines of the bath.
Goku held back a laugh at the sight of Gojyo
sitting bunched in the tub -- one which was not well suited for someone of
Gojyo's advanced height -- his bent legs and upper body well out of the steamy
water. He would have told Gojyo to take
a shower, but after the recent display of Gojyo's agility, Goku was pretty sure
that a shower would have resulted in an injury, if not outright death.
Goku sat down on the toilet seat for a moment
watching Gojyo as he began to relax in the warm water. He contemplated leaving Gojyo alone to do
whatever he needed to do, but in the end he decided that Gojyo alone plus alcohol plus water plus emotional
strain equaled a bad idea, even if he
was purportedly part water demon.
Resigning himself to keep watch over the half
breed, Goku sighed and eyed Gojyo, who merely continued to stew in the bath
water, "Ya know, if you just sit there it doesn't do much."
"Feels good," Gojyo replied, his words
more slurred then ever as his eyes began to flutter. Goku thought it might be because weariness was finally catching
up to him. "Don't wanna move."
Goku rolled his eyes -- much in the way Gojyo used
to roll his eyes at him when they were still on the road -- as he reached out
to grab a wash cloth off the nearby rack.
Leaving his seat, Goku moved to kneel at the tub.
"Lean forward," he directed coaxed and
Gojyo did as he was told, resting his long upper body against his folded
legs. Goku dipped the cloth into the
water, then began to rub it up and down Gojyo's spine, then along the firm
muscles of his tanned body. When Gojyo hmm'd, Goku smiled softly, pushed Gojyo's
long strands of hair over his shoulders and reached for a bar of soap,
repeating the process all over again, this time with a lathered cloth. When Gojyo broke the uneasy silence around
them, Goku nearly jumped from his skin.
"You been part timin' at a bath house or
somethin' monkey?" Gojyo asked with slightly less of a slur then
before. "Or is this one of your
special talents?"
"I do this for Sanzo sometimes," Goku
replied, immediately regretting having said anything. The last thing he needed to do was give Gojyo ammo.
When the red head merely snorted, Goku sighed with relief. "It's
hard for him, at the temple sometimes.
Helps him relax."
"I bet it does," Gojyo replied with a
familiar teasing edge to his voice.
Chuckling, Goku splashed away the last remaining
soap bubbles from Gojyo's back and dropped the wash cloth on Gojyo's head.
"I think you can do the rest yourself,"
Goku said with a smile. "I'll go clean off your bed."
*****
By the time Gojyo stumbled into the bedroom
wrapped only in a towel, Goku had managed to clear the bed of the few empty
beer cans, all of which somehow managed to remain free of cigarette ash, and
the dangerously full ashtray, which of course had not. Goku crinkled his nose at the thought of how
dirty the bed sheets were, but he
finally concluded that if Gojyo could deal with it for a week or more then he
could deal with it a little while longer.
From the looks of things, Gojyo seemed to be well
on the path to recovering from his drinking binge; he was less wobbly on his
feet, his eyes were starting to clear up and on the whole he smelled a hell of
a lot better. If only clearing up his
mental traumas could be as easy.
When Gojyo fell gracelessly into the bed, Goku
moved to pull the blankets over his lanky frame, but Gojyo had other things in
mind. He was slightly startled when he
found himself being pulled into the bed along side the red head. Goku made no protest, but he still felt
uneasy as he settled on a more comfortable half sitting position. He'd heard the stories of what Gojyo was
capable of while drunk and in the vicinity of a bed. Or a floor. Or a table,
for that matter.
Once he was settled, Gojyo move about restlessly, finally
settling himself with his head in Goku's lap.
Goku could feel the dampness in Gojyo's hair as it seeped through his
pant leg. Goku sighed and lifted his
hand, laying it to rest on Gojyo's head; he wondered what he should do next, or
if he should do anything at all. Sanzo
would probably roll his eyes and say something about keeping out of other
people's business, but Goku was finding it hard to do exactly that when the other people happened to be his friends.
He also didn't want Hakkai to think that he was
taking sides; surely that would cause a mess.
He hoped the healer would understand that anything he did was to help both of them, not just Gojyo, even if
the red head seemed to need more help then Hakkai. Of course, it could simply be that Gojyo wore his emotions on his
sleeve, and Hakkai didn't. He honestly
didn't have a clue though, because Gojyo hadn't really been that emotional in the time he'd known
him, or at least not that he'd been privy to…
A small snore from Gojyo roused Goku from his
thoughts and for the first time he noticed that he'd been dragging his fingers
through Gojyo's wet hair like a makeshift comb. He continued to do so for a few minutes longer, until the leg
that Gojyo's head rested on began to tingle from a lack of blood flow. Smiling at the finally peaceful look on
Gojyo's face, Goku carefully slipped out from under Gojyo, replacing his leg
with an actual pillow.
Stepping lightly, Goku made his way across the room
and pushed open the door which made the tiniest of squeaks. Almost
immediately, Gojyo stirred and grumbled and Goku mentally kicked himself. So much for getting away quietly.
"You leavin' me?" Gojyo asked as he
lifted his head from the pillow beneath it.
There was a sad sort of childishness that crept around the edge of Gojyo's
words and it made Goku cringe. He knew
very little about Gojyo's past, but he could recognize abandonment issues when
he saw them.
"I'll be back Gojyo," Goku replied
softly, "go back to sleep."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
*****
"You have to go see him," Goku
practically yelled at Hakkai, who was doing a fairly good impersonation of a
deer caught in Hakuryu's headlights.
Upon returning to the temple, Goku had immediately sought out Hakkai,
finding the healer sitting quietly in his room.
"He made his choice," Hakkai replied and
for a second Goku thought he could see his way behind the calm voice and the
emotionless mask that Hakkai was trying so very hard to keep in place; but just
as quickly as it slipped away, it seemed to click back into place.
Goku sighed, frustrated. "How can you be so callous? I thought he meant something to you."
"Goku…I…" Hakkai stumbled over his own
words and Goku knew that was a very
un-Hakkai thing to do. If there was a
better time to push, Goku had no idea when that would be.
"If you ask me, you're worse then Sanzo."
"What?" The look of shock on Hakkai's
face was genuine; the mask faltered again, then quickly righted itself.
"You heard me," he continued, "You're
stubborn, jus' like Sanzo. So stubborn
you can't see when someone needs you; but even Sanzo figured it out, eventually." It had taken him awhile, but yes, Sanzo had figured it out.
"He doesn't need me," Hakkai replied
stubbornly, "he said so himself."
"He was drunk," Goku retorted in Gojyo's
defense, even if he didn't think it was a completely excusable thing to say, drunk
or not.
"And that makes it ok?" Hakkai asked as
if reading Goku's thoughts.
"No, it doesn't," Goku responded
hastily, "but you can't just give up 'n' walk away because of something
that dumb kappa said while he was drunk."
"It's not so simple, Goku," Hakkai replied,
whisper quiet.
"What's not?" Goku asked.
"Everything…the bars, the poker, the
drinking. I thought he would have
changed by now."
"Does it matter that much?" Goku asked,
honestly curious. "He comes home
to you every night, doesn't he?"
"Yes."
"Then what's the big deal?"
From Hakkai, there was no response. Goku rolled his eyes and sighed. He was starting to wonder if he'd been the
only one to grow up since they'd left for, and returned from, India.
"Look," Goku began, feeling sleepy and
worn, "I need to find Sanzo, he's probably wondering where I've been all
day. I told Gojyo I'd be back and I'll
do as I promised in the morning; I'm not going to disappoint him..."
Hakkai only stared back at Goku, eyebrows creased
as me bit ever so slightly at his bottom lip.
"…and I sure as hell don't wanna walk all the way there and back again by myself."
*****
"Oh my," Hakkai said with a gasp as he walked
over the threshold of the small house.
"See, I told ya," Goku replied wearily,
opting to stand only a couple feet inside the doorway while Hakkai ventured
further into the house.
"Yes, you did," Hakkai replied, "but
all that this proves is that he needs
a housekeep..."
"'Kai?"
Startled, both Goku and Hakkai quickly turned to face
Gojyo, who half-stumbled out of the bedroom clad only in jeans. Goku could just picture Gojyo stumbling
around, trying to put them on when he heard them enter. The red head leaned against the doorframe;
his hair disheveled and poofy from having gone to sleep before it dried, but it
still managed to fall gracefully around his features like a fiery river. Goku could see hangover written all over his face.
"Yes, Gojyo, it's me," Hakkai replied,
eyes slightly wide as he took a few tentative steps forward. To Goku, Gojyo looked far better then he had
the day before, but in the long run, the half breed still looked like hell.
"Why you here?" Gojyo asked and Goku had
to hold back a wince. Gojyo's voice was
harsh and laced with sadness, not to mention evidence of his recent debauchery.
"Goku said I should come back and see you."
At first Gojyo made no response and for a second
Goku thought the red head might be mad at him; but instead of saying anything
Gojyo dropped his head to stare at his uncovered feet. Goku had to fight the urge to say something,
anything until an almost-whimper
escaped Gojyo's lips and all words died on his tongue.
"You back for good?" Gojyo asked
quietly, his expression tired and worn behind his curtain of hair.
"I don't know, Gojyo," Hakkai replied,
quiet and uncertain.
"I only ask 'cuz that's three times now that
you've left me," Goku cringed when Gojyo paused. He'd been around -- more or less -- for the previous two times
Hakkai had 'left' and no matter how many times Hakkai told him it hadn't been
his fault, he still sometimes felt responsible for the healer's second leave of
absence. "I dunno if I can take a fourth."
"Perhaps we should stick to the old baseball
adage then…" Hakkai replied somberly not finishing the phrase that
everyone present surely knew.
Gojyo shrugged, still not looking up, though Goku
thought he might have seen the faintest hint of a smile between Gojyo's long
strands of hair. "I've always been
a fan of 'third times a charm' m'self."
Hakkai chuckled quietly, so quietly that Goku wasn't
sure he actually had. Without making a
sound, Goku took a few steps back before turning towards the front door. It seemed like an appropriate time to make
himself disappear. They needed to talk
and he didn't think they'd do it with him hanging around in the background.
Walking out onto the porch and into the warm
daylight -- a startling contrast to the dim, smoky house -- Goku closed the
front door behind him. When he spotted
Hakuryu curled up on the lawn, he walked to where the white dragon was resting.
Hakuryu looked up at Goku as he sat down in the
grass.
"You think they'll be ok?" Goku asked as
he patted the dragon between his neatly folded wings.
"Kyuuu…" the dragon replied, his body
and wings moving as if to shrug.
Goku closed his eyes, "Yeah, I don't know
either."
For a moment the two sat in the grass, Goku's hand
making little swirling motions against the dragon's scales. When Goku opened his eyes again, he looked
back at the house and sighed.
"I hope
they'll be ok."
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