Its Own Place

By: Keiran

Pairing: Sanzo/Goku

Rating: PG

Summary: Sanzo's genial personality gets Goku in trouble, with consequences that not only hit Sanzo the hardest, but which put a question mark on the future of their journey.

Disclaimer: No claim to any recognisable characters/locations/property. Harmless exercise in fun.

Email: keire_ke (at) yahoo (dot) de

Website: keire_ke.livejournal.com // www.fanfiction.net/~keiran

Warnings: none

Notes: I had a fantastic time writing this story (yay for sulky monks and pwning monkeys!), I sincerely hope it shows.

xxx.XXX.xxx

The forest was eerily quiet. Goku shivered as the jeep passed through a whirlwind of dead leaves and wrapped his arms around one of his knees.

"Where are we?" he asked without his usual exuberance.

"Not far from the closest city, but tonight we're camping out, I'm afraid." Hakkai didn't take his eyes off the road as he spoke. The groans he expected in reply, however, didn't come. "Goku?"

"I don't like it here."

"Bad feeling?" This time Hakkai did turn his head. Goku's eyes were open wide and a little out of focus. He seemed to be listening, with all of his being, to the rustling of the leaves.

"Not bad, just a little weird. 'S like everything wants us out of here, but nice, kinda. You know?"

"Yeah, I get that feeling too. Wonder what that is about," Gojyo said, stretching his legs in the backseat.

"Ignore it. It's not hostile." Sanzo lit a cigarette.

"Are you sure, Sanzo?"

"It feels wary, not hostile."

"I see." Hakkai considered the situation carefully. "Are we still going to the castle?"

"Yes." The tone strongly hinted that this was all Sanzo had to say on the subject, so Hakkai obediently continued driving down the rocky path. The castle they were seeking was secluded. Obviously whoever lived in there did not want company. The occupants of the neighbouring villages claimed that it was inhabited by demons who did not cause them any grief, which was unusual enough. What really directed them onto the narrow forest road, however, was the faint suggestion of a holy scripture being there. Or around.

Not that Sanzo particularly cared about holy scriptures that were not his late master's, but he was spiteful enough to go and retrieve it, in order to wave it in Kougaji's face later. It wasn't like they were in a hurry, after all. There was always time to be malignant for the fun of it.

They rode in silence until the castle came into view, looming over the narrow path in the best architectonical traditions of scary. Unlike the other demon castles they'd encountered on the journey, this one seemed lived in – the grounds were swept, the flowerbeds were weeded and obviously cared for. Almost cosy, if someone's definition of cosy included pointy towers, menacing arches, marble statues, and iron-encrusted gates.

Gates which were wide open in welcome.

"This surely is unexpected," Hakkai said, stopping the jeep.

With Hakuryuu perched safely on his owner's shoulder, they entered the courtyard. Caution was expressed in a manner typical for the infamous Sanzo party, that is to say not at all. They strode in, as if Sanzo owned the place, taking little care to note what exactly was waiting hidden on the other side. Surprisingly enough, the gates remained open behind their back, and the welcoming party did appear welcoming, despite the fangs, pointed ears, claws on every appendage and rather wary gazes.

"Hello," Hakkai ventured cautiously. "We wanted to speak with the master of this castle please."

"She is waiting." The tallest demon nodded in greeting and gestured to the open doors. "She guarantees you a safe passage." Sanzo nodded at the group curtly and strode in the direction indicated.

Nerves were taunt, this was obvious at the first glance. Unfortunately, Sanzo's expressions ranged from neutral to pissed beyond measure, with neutral reserved for the intimate moments. Usually when he was alone in a room, with only cigarettes to keep him company. He passed the group of demons, followed by the considerably more friendly-looking Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo. Considering Sanzo's attitude, no one should really be surprised that Sanzo's jerky, impatient move to reach for something hidden within his robe was misinterpreted as reaching for the gun. A young, zealous demon did not pause to ask questions – with a sharp cry he launched himself at the priest. The reality became a confused blur – the demon leapt at Sanzo, who, abandoning the idea of a smoke, whipped out his gun and pulled the trigger.

Before the body hit the ground, the group of demons was already crouched in defensive positions, but before they could attempt an attack, a soundless voice swept through the courtyard. The demons quieted immediately. The Sanzo party, one by one, keeled over, unconscious.

When they came to, they were in a surprisingly welcoming cell. There were cots along the walls, with bedding, and a table opposite the heavy door. The small pot of flowers seemed like a perversion in what was obviously a dungeon, if the tiny, barred window was any indication. Hakuryuu was still asleep, curled in a nest of shawls on the windowsill. Of course, the feeling of welcome was somewhat strained by the chains circling their wrists, as well as by the pair of armed guards at the door.

Their attention, however, was riveted by the solitary figure of a female demon standing in the middle of the room. She was ethereal, for a lack of a better word: slender and pale, dressed in pristine white kimono.

"I apologise for the inconvenience," the demon lady said contritely.

"Oh yeah, cause chains and dungeons are obviously just an inconvenience," Gojyo muttered.

"You have killed one of my men."

"He attacked us first!" Goku yelled, tugging at his bounds. They were unsettling him, this much was obvious. It wasn't really surprising, most people were quite averse to being chained to walls, but with Goku the issues stretched back for half a millennium. He had a right to be more perturbed than the rest.

"I am aware of that. You will note how you are still breathing. I do not wish to harm you. I merely wish to talk."

"Why the chains then?"

"You have killed one of mine. Your reputation as demon-killers precedes you, I am sorry to say. I would never be allowed to remain in your presence were it not for these manacles."

"I was under the impression you run this joint."

"I am the head of this clan, yes. I do however tend to listen to my advisors and friends, not all of whom are psychic."

"What do you want with us?" She seemed genuinely surprised by Sanzo's words.

"I believe it was you who wanted something from me. You sought out my home and chose to enter uninvited." The priest looked sceptical. In his book, uninvited meant there was no welcoming party waiting at the door.

"We're looking for the holy scriptures. We were told you might know something," Hakkai said before Sanzo could further alienate the reasonably friendly woman. A violent death of a clan member was not a light matter, as far as alienation attempts go, but Sanzo certainly could add salt to injury just by breathing. Better to muster up all the diplomacy he'd picked up along the way.

The irony of the situation was not lost on him.

"I fear I do not know of anything useful for you," the lady said after staring at Hakkai thoughtfully for a few moments. "We rarely have any contact with outsiders. Especially now. A sanzo priest had visited us once. He carried the same sutra you now posses." She nodded in Sanzo's direction. "However, it was a long time ago, long before your parents were even born."

"Ah. We have inconvenienced you for nothing then. We apologise." The demon nodded to Hakkai.

"I accept your apologies. I shall send you on your way shortly." One of the tall demons standing by the door started.

"Excuse me, milady. Are you going to just let them go?"

"Yes."

"But- They killed Goro!"

"I know. I also know I specifically ordered not to attack or threaten, in any way."

"Milady…"

"Caro. Please. They will leave this place unharmed." Caro did not look convinced in the slightest. The lady turned to him fully and looked, just looked, for several moments. The tall demon stared back, defiantly, but his expression did not remain defiant for long.

"Yes, milady. As you wish," he said eventually, bowing his head.

Sanzo snorted dismissively. The lady turned to look at him.

"You do not agree."

"I agree with leaving this place without a fight, if that's what you mean."

"You do not agree with my command of this castle."

"I'm sure it works just fine for you." He needn't say more. His contempt for manipulating minds was more than obvious, even to those who couldn't hear his thoughts.

"I find it amusing, I must confess. Here you are, chained, at my mercy, and you dare to insult my prowess as a head of the clan."

"I've no love for mind games."

"And yet you keep playing yourself. Time and time again." She cocked her head to the side. A hint of a smile passed her lips. "Especially with this young man." She looked at Goku, waiting for him to meet her eyes. "You are so sure of his attachment to you. Why is that? You do your best to make him hate you, and yet you are so sure he wouldn't."

"Cut the bullshit already."

"So very sure. It makes me wonder," she said walking slowly towards Goku. "It makes me wonder whether he would ever love you as much, if he didn't feel he owes you his life."

"What?" Sanzo's brow furrowed.

"No!" Goku cried. The sound made everyone look at him. Hakkai tried to offer a word of comfort, but Goku ignored him, staring at the lady demon in absolute terror. "No, no, no, no."

"It really makes me wonder," she said, a small smile playing at her lips. She kneeled, bringing her face to Goku's. Her pale hand landed on top of his head and slid through the thick hair to land on his forehead.

"Don't. Please, don't." He was breathing hard. She smiled and caressed his face with her other hand.

"Stop it," Hakkai said, his voice taking on the demonic edge. "Stop it, whatever you're doing!" Goku's pleading turned into a pitiful keening wail that bypassed the ears and hit the heart directly, but there was no indication whatsoever that he was being harmed. There was only the delicate creamy-white hand on his forehead, whose thumb gently pressed the spot between his eyebrows, and the frantic, gasping wail. Gradually his voice grew softer, the moan turning into a series of broken sobs and then silence. When the lady removed her hand, Goku was hanging from the chains limply, his eyes closed.

"What have you done to him! You fucking bitch, what have you done!" The lady stood up, ignoring the furious kappa.

"Caro. Take the boy. Leave him near a village." Hakkai got the distinct impression that more had been said, including details they might need later. He did not voice his suspicions. Instead, he watched as the tall demon opened the shackles around Goku's wrist and hoisted the limp body over his shoulder. "Make sure he is found unharmed."

"Yes, milady."

"Ch'. You're wasting your damn time. I'll find him, no matter where you try to hide him." It was likely possible to insert more spite in Sanzo's words. Theoretically, as he wasn't spitting acid yet.

"Yes, you will. I might be a demon, but I'm not stupid."

"What have you done to Goku?" Hakkai asked, his voice vibrating with the angry promise of vicious carnage.

"He's not hurt, if that's what you mean," she replied coolly. "Like I said, I'm not stupid. He is a guarantee you will leave my castle peacefully, without disturbing any of us. As long as you do, Goku will not be harmed. I assure you I am strong, I can resist the Wave. I have since the beginning and not one of those in my charge had fallen prey to it. There is no need to dispose of us."

"If we go to the nearest village and ask them, will they say the same thing?"

"You will note that the closest human settlement is a day's worth of travel away. You will also note that we do our best to make sure the surrounding forests are free of the demons that did succumb to madness. The humans have no reason to hate us."

"Like they need a reason."

"They don't. But we give them no reason to hate us, and their fear gives them reason enough not to attack." Sanzo was impressed, despite himself and the insane worry gnawing at his insides. For all it was worth, the demon lady was a wise leader. He supposed her clan was extremely lucky. Still.

"If something happens to the monkey," Gojyo said, voicing the unspoken sentiment for all three of them, "You won't have to worry about any fucking humans, cause we'll rip this place apart. You got it?" She smiled, as if his words were a compliment.

"I find it adorable, how much you care for that young man when he's gone from sight. He truly is a treasure, is he not?"

"He's just a stupid monkey." There was only so much soul-searching Gojyo was willing to do in one day, and he'd already contemplated his preference of brunettes over blondes this morning.

The lady smiled at him.

"I shall take my leave now. Good night," she said and exited the room, followed by the remaining guard. Before the door could swing closed, another demon entered with a tray of food, which he left on one of the cots. The door closed behind him, and if the deep scraping sound of something heavy sliding into place was any indication, it closed for good. Sanzo distinctly heard a click of a lock and then, surprisingly, a series of similar sounds coming from the manacles on their wrists.

"Looks like she didn't want us getting uncomfortable overnight," Hakkai said, indicating the cots and the generous meal.

"We're going now," Sanzo growled, rubbing his wrists. No force in the whole of Shangri-La could make him sit still while the stupid monkey was away and whining.

"Sanzo, be reasonable. We cannot just leave. She said Goku will be safe as long as we cooperate."

"And I'm supposed to what, believe that fucking bitch?"

"Chill out, Buddha-boy. We'll find your monkey. Sit down and eat," Gojyo said, not looking up. Sanzo bristled some more, but eventually even he had to admit that sitting down and eating was the sensible thing to do at the moment. It didn't help that he lacked appetite, that all of them lacked it. Somehow, eating without Goku made the food seem bland.

Sleeping seemed impossible at first. It felt wrong when there was three of them, regardless of who was missing. It always had, no matter what Sanzo had to say on the subject, but Goku's absence was particularly pointed. The complete lack of background noise made them uncomfortable and restless. Gojyo swore to himself that the first thing he did, when they found the monkey, would be to give him a good solid whack on the stupid head, for addicting him to noise.

"Sanzo?" Hakkai asked quietly, once the lights were put out, and all three of them were one step from succumbing to sleep.

"What?"

"Is Goku alright?" A hundred different answers buzzed in the air, unspoken. 'How the fuck should I know?' 'What do I care?' 'Like it's my problem' but in the end Sanzo only muttered a very quiet 'yes'. With that thought, they all fell asleep and despite the unrest deep inside, they slept for a long time.

xxx.XXX.xxx

Waking up was difficult. The cots proved to be surprisingly comfortable, not that they needed to be. Any vaguely soft spot fitted with fresh-smelling covers and a pillow was bound to be a heavenly place to spend the night, during the journey. This often made mornings difficult. Rolling out of bed is never easy, but rolling out of warm, tussled bed, when one's facing a day in a car and possibly a night on cold ground, well, that takes a strong will, a very determined waker and practice. Usually all three.

Sanzo, if he ever had the longing to remain horizontal for five more minutes, had never acted on it, especially not when he was angry. If his limbs were reluctant to move, if he'd slept for too long, he solved the problem by he kicking the covers aside and sitting up sharply enough to snap a joint. That's what he did now: he got up, finding, to his irrational annoyance, breakfast set out on the table. He let Hakkai shake Gojyo awake, while he poured himself a cup of – excellent, even he had to admit – coffee.

It wasn't long before they were finished and, right on target, the door swung open. The lady did not come to bid them goodbye. It was probably for the best, they all knew.

"Are you well?" Caro asked, bowing his head slightly.

"Yes, thank you," Hakkai replied politely. "The breakfast was excellent."

"The lady sends her greetings," the demon said formally. There was a lot less hostility in his posture then there had been last night. "She will be praying for the success of your quest."

"Again, thank you." A heartbeat's worth of a pause. "Can you tell us where can we find Goku?"

"You should continue west, she said. That is all."

"I see."

And that was all. They didn't see many more inhabitants of the castle as they made their way out into the forest and out, back onto the path westwards.

"Where do we start searching?" Hakkai asked quietly, once the forest disappeared from view. Sanzo barely acknowledged the question, staring straight ahead in a near-catatonic state.

"Just drive," he said eventually.

And drive they did.

"Fuck, we should bottle the kid and sell him as all-purpose stress relief," Gojyo muttered not three hours down the road. Tension was already mounting, tempers flying high. At this rate, the kappa thought gloomily, Hakkai would start smiling that smile of his, the one that made him want to crawl into the nearest hole in the ground and wait it out. And from there, the road to annihilation would be short and painful.

They spent the first night in the car, not bothering to set up camp. By the time the sun appeared on the sky they were miles away from the convenient cluster of trees they used for cover. Before noon they were driving into a village, a small, unremarkable settlement. Sanzo barely acknowledged the stop. He got out of the jeep, walked into the first inn he came across, and locked himself in a room. Gojyo wondered how on earth did he manage to get one in the first place – he didn't seem to be in a mood to talk.

The following morning the priest was up at the crack of dawn, his demeanour suggesting he didn't, in fact, get any sleep at all.

The next village, which they reached on the evening of the same day, proved to be just as uninspiring. The quiet was weighing all three of them down heavily. Sanzo refused to speak, Hakkai knew better then to push, and Gojyo found it was no fun to insult people who ignored him.

They drove into the third village late in the afternoon on the third day after leaving the demon castle. It was yet another of the small settlements, little more than three hundred people, they'd come to know so well. They had visited a hundred of villages exactly like this one, and would likely visit a hundred more.

"Stop," Sanzo said sharply. His eyes darted wildly around the sleepy little town.

"Sanzo?"

"He's here."

"Are you sure?" For once Hakkai found himself at the business end of the withering glare. Gojyo would have been challenged to take up the issue, but Hakkai knew better. It was too sensitive and the nerves were strung tightly enough already. No reason to add to the pressure. Besides, when was Sanzo ever wrong about Goku's whereabouts?

The inn was a welcoming place. He wished there'd be more along the way. They'd been greeted cheerfully by an elderly lady who owned the establishment. A room was found to accommodate all three of them easily. A cute waitress led them to a table in the warm dining hall. All in all, were it not for two details, the evening would be perfect.

Detail number one, bold, italics, underline, was the obvious lack of Goku. Detail number two, no emphasis …

"Aren't you a pretty face." The words tumbled out in a pretty indecipherable slur. The guy leaning over Sanzo was obviously drunk and therefore not in his right mind. Sanzo's pretty face was a magnet, but the permanent scowl was an equally potent repellent. Usually, it all balanced out in the end.

"Fuck off," Sanzo said flipping the drunk the finger.

"You could use someone to teach you good manners though." The guy leaned into Sanzo, leering. Before he could add anything, a well-placed jab to the stomach sent him sprawling onto the floor.

"Teach me what, exactly?" the priest challenged, bringing out his gun.

"You little bitch!" The guy's courage did not waiver at the sight of the weapon. He made an effort to stand up, using a chair to balance himself.

"Shit, Sanzo, he's got a knife," Gojyo hissed somewhere behind the priest. Sanzo felt his mouth twitch. He ached to beat someone to a pulp. There was enough aggression in his system to go through a legion of demons. Unfortunately, it seemed to be a vacation month for the legions – they were many, they deserved a break every once in a while. Sanzo would make do with whatever was available. The gun rose on its own accord. The drunk hesitated, seeing the expression on Sanzo's face, but did not back down. He raised the knife just as Sanzo pulled the hammer back.

"That's enough, knock it off." Sanzo felt his heart stop. There was not enough time to reflect on the sensation, before a strong hand gripped his wrist tightly. His palm opened on its own, only partly pressured by the thumb digging into the ligaments. His head couldn't turn fast enough, he felt, as he tried to look at the speaker. Sure enough, wide eyes stared at him from beneath a golden crown, though the expression Sanzo found utterly unfamiliar. For starters, the gaze seemed not so much golden as honey-brown, lacking the glow he'd come to expect directed at him. "No shooting in here. You come to me when you're leaving, you can have the gun back." The revolver fell from Sanzo's normally unshakeable grip into Goku's waiting hand.

"Stay out of it, boy," the drunk said. His words rang in the air. The inn had fallen quiet. The two waitresses cowered in the background, wearing a twin expression of worry. Everybody's eyes were fixed on the unimposing figure of the young man.

"I think you've had too much to drink," Goku replied coolly, folding his arms across his chest. The difference in his demeanour was staggering. The Goku the three of them knew could go through an army of demons without appearing intimidating for one second. Or ever. Hakkai often speculated that it was most likely a result of doing much of the growing up as Sanzo's ward. Appearing submissive (in the most general, non-passive way – this was the Great Sage, after all) was a defence mechanism.

The Goku standing before them now, glaring at the drunken man, was a picture of 'you do not want to fuck with me, ever'. Nevertheless, the drunk glared at him and raised his knife threateningly.

"I was talking to the pretty boy over there. If you're willing to be his replacement, be my guest!" His lunge, to everyone who knew Goku, was heroic, enthusiastic and utterly dumb, not to mention clumsy. Goku nimbly twisted on his feet, raising his arm to block the oncoming swing, way before the knife became a concern. Simultaneously, he drove his elbow into the man's gut. The waitresses barely had time to squeak in fright, before the drunken man tumbled to the floor.

"Too much to drink," Goku concluded, hoisting the body over his shoulder and carrying him outside. He returned a short while later and disappeared into the kitchen.

Sanzo was still standing, staring at the swinging door.

"Hey, monk. Sit down, people are staring." It was probably the first and only time Gojyo would feel brave enough to tug at the white robe. It was also the only time Sanzo would let himself be guided by the tugging.

"He didn't seem to be phased by our presence," Hakkai said following Sanzo's gaze. He almost smiled to himself, albeit sadly. Gone was the brightly coloured top, cape and frayed jeans. Goku now wore the black slacks, casually buttoned shirt and a white apron. It fit him disturbingly well, he was compelled to note, but…

"He didn't recognise me," Sanzo said tonelessly.

"What?" Gojyo felt the universe drop from under his feet. He had seen some weird and disturbing shit, but this had just topped the list. "The monkey did what?" But Sanzo refused to say anything more. He barely moved for the rest of the meal. His food remained untouched and none of the Marlboros left the pack.

Goku did not recognise him. Goku looked him in the eye and did not have the slightest idea who he was. He had seen that gaze on Goku once before: the day they'd first met, in the cave sealed from the world. Back then, the lack of recognition was annoying, considering the constant voice in the back of his head, as it offered no explanation. Now? Sanzo would go through all the dictionaries and thesauruses in the universe before considering to use the word 'heartbreaking' in connotations with himself. He settled for a 'major pain in the ass', but he knew the pain was somewhere altogether different. It was a knowledge that would never see the conscious part of his psyche, but it was there.

He reached for a smoke. Neither Gojyo nor Hakkai remarked on the suspicious shaking of his hands.

"Hi, sorry for the delay! What can I get you?" A waitress appeared magically by their table, smiling brightly. Hakkai and Gojyo found themselves smiling back, out of reflex.

"Can you recommend anything?" The girl launched into a surprisingly informative description of the major dishes offered. Hakkai nodded politely and, seeing as Sanzo was pretty much useless, ordered meals for all three of them. She was back with their food in a surprisingly short time.

"Hey sweetheart," Gojyo said suddenly, just as she finished unloading her tray. "That kind of thing happens here often? The drunk guests, I mean? Cause that kid sure did seem used to punching people out."

"Goku you mean?" she asked. Her long braid snaked over her shoulder while she was working. She threw it back impatiently. "Yes, he is a little prone to punching people out, I'm afraid. When they cause trouble, I mean. He doesn't go hitting people randomly or anything."

"I was rather impressed, I've gotta say." If there was one thing Gojyo knew, it was how to pump girls for information.

"He is rather brilliant at fighting," she said smiling. "A little too eager, perhaps, but brilliant."

"You don't say? That was pretty fast, what he did to that drunk."

"We've had a lot less trouble ever since he'd come here." Exactly the opening Gojyo was waiting for.

"Since he'd come? I thought he was working here all his life. Seems like the sort of place." The girl blinked.

"Oh, no. He's only been around for half a year, or so." She cast a fond look at the kitchen door, missing the shock on the three men's faces. Gojyo looked first at Sanzo and then at Hakkai in disbelief. 'Half a year?!', he mouthed, trying to get the surprise off of his face. "Feels like he's been here forever though…" she added softly. Gojyo looked at her, but she was shaking her head and smiling down at him. "I'm sorry. Enjoy your meal!" And then she was gone.

Hakkai looked at the very pale Sanzo across from him.

"Six months? We've been in that castle, asleep, for six months?"

"Boy, that's so full of crack material, I don't even know where to start!" Gojyo muttered, picking up a cup. The food was steaming before them, filling the air with all sorts of delicious aromas. Somehow, though, none of the men could muster much enthusiasm.

Their journey being set back by half a year gave rise to a whole set of issues, that could spell a disaster. Maybe not a complete failure, since apparently Sanzo's sutra was needed for the experiment, and it was still intact around his shoulders. And frankly, despite Sanzo's constant nagging for speed, there was never an actual need to get to India yesterday. If there was, well, they'd probably have ambushed Kougaji for his flying dragons a long while ago. Even so, six months!

Somehow, though, that issue paled in comparison to the stifling silence, and they all knew it.

Later, in their shared room, no one felt brave enough to breach the subject. Someone had to, eventually, and Gojyo decided it might as well be him. Sure, abuse would follow, but better some abuse and a heart attack or two, then this shell-shocked Sanzo, who looked as if the sky was falling in pieces around his ears.

"So, our monkey's got amnesia," he said, leaning against the wall and lighting a cigarette. He discarded the fag he used as a lighter into the ashtray.

"We are going back to that castle," Sanzo demanded through clenched teeth. "I'm going to tear that bitch limb from limb."

"That's not a good idea, Sanzo." How Hakkai was able to withstand the glares without flinching, Gojyo would never know. He sure was glad though. "She said Goku won't be hurt, unless we bring harm to her clan."

"He was supposed to be unharmed!"

"He looks healthy."

"He has no memory of me."

"Shit, Sanzo. You ought to send the lady a thank-you card." Not a very smart thing to say, Gojyo reflected with a wince, as the full power of the monk's fury turned onto him.

"What did you say?" Sanzo asked, spitting each word as if it was a mouthful of poison.

"I said, Goku is probably better off, what with the lack of head trauma you provide on a daily basis," he said casually. Hakkai was throwing him warning glances, which he knew he should heed. But fuck it all, he had a damn opinion and he would stick by it.

Except, as he realised five seconds later, he really shouldn't have. He made no habit of kicking people's sensitive areas, especially not when they were already prostrate on the floor. Very briefly he marvelled at how the monkey managed to drag the proud monk down to the level of a soulful puppy anyone would be uncomfortable to kick. Sanzo wasn't even trying to retort, and where was the fun in that?

"Shit, it's like the fucking world is coming to a close," he muttered loudly enough that the other two would hear him. "I mean- I can't even imagine you without the monkey tagging along." This was as close as he'd ever come to an apologising to Sanzo.

"She did say we will get him back," Hakkai said, breaking the tense silence. "She wouldn't dare to do anything permanent."

"Probably not. She still is a mighty bitch," Gojyo said. The words were immediately followed with a hiss. The cigarette had been breathed to its end. Unbidden, his fingers sought out the pack and used the dying embers to lit another one.

"So whatever she did, there must be a way to reverse it," Hakkai persisted. At the moment he was the oasis of calm certainty in the hurricane of emotion and an island of common sense in the barren wasteland of senselessness. Sanzo, for all his claims, was shaken too badly to think straight and Gojyo was never a master thinker when seriously disturbed.

"Like she would just leave the solution waving at us," Gojyo snorted. "She's a fucking psychic, she could've done just about anything to his monkey brain. We have no way of knowing whether she'd wiped it clean. Not that there's much to wipe, mind you," he added after a moment of consideration, but the insult fell flat.

"Gojyo. She might be a powerful psychic, but she's not omnipotent. She wouldn't dare to do anything permanent, out of fear if nothing else, therefore I doubt she wiped his memory. Most likely it is shielded from his consciousness," Hakkai said, his voice low. "Furthermore, like you said, she's a psychic. Psychics love mind games. My guess is, she's instilled a trigger that would cause the block to dissolve. All we have to do is identify the trigger."

"So what, we're supposed to shout at him randomly?"

"All things considered, I'm guessing Sanzo would be the trigger. She did single him out specifically, just before she repressed Goku's memory."

"We tried that already, haven't we? The monkey had no problem manhandling the monk into submission. Fuck, I would have quit smoking just to have a camera then." The wish was punctuated by a long and satisfying drag. Gojyo was a man who took great pleasures in the simple things. Sex, alcohol, cigarettes and photographic proof of his friends being humiliated. Life just didn't get any better.

"But the trigger might be not so much a person, as a word or an event," Hakkai said calmly, ignoring his friend's wishful thinking.

"Damn." Gojyo stared at the ceiling. "You think sex might be it?"

"Considering that Goku is in no position to offer informed consent, I think no," Hakkai replied smoothly. Gojyo gaped and then grinned widely. The situation was bleak, yeah, but some moments were just to perfect not to take advantage of.

"You totally considered it."

"I cannot imagine why you'd think so."

"Come on, admit it. You thought, for a minute, that we could make things right with hot monkey sex. Of course, the 'hot' part wouldn't be quite so obvious, seeing as Mr Iceberg would have to be involved, but monkey sex would be a given."

"I would never admit to considering such an idea."

"Yeah, that I can agree with. You'd never admit it." Hakkai rolled his eyes.

"Gojyo, please. This is serious."

"Don't I know it."

That pretty much concluded all conversation for the day. They made an effort to go to sleep, but the scarce moments they managed to spend disjointed from reality were restless and uncomforting.

xxx.XXX.xxx

The next morning greeted them very early on, with sunlight and singing birds. Sanzo scowled at everything that moved, which for the moment included only Gojyo and Hakkai. Not in the best of moods they made their way downstairs, to see about breakfast. None really felt like eating, but they couldn't afford to lose health at the moment.

Sanzo was stomping downstairs in a manner that was most unbecoming of a priest. Luckily, he had the sense to forego his traditional robes for the day, opting for a more casual garb, so his stomping seemed less out of place and more just plain rude.

They made their way downstairs without incident. It was on the final landing that Gojyo spoiled the otherwise conflictless morning by walking into Sanzo.

"What the fuck?" he muttered, rubbing his nose, partly because it did hurt and partly in surprise that no one was yelling yet. Then he raised his head and suddenly the reason for the sudden pause was painfully obvious. Goku was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, staring out the window with a faraway expression on his face. The sunlight streamed through the glass, turning his spiky brown hair into an array of golden strands, his coronet reflecting the warm light like a beacon. He virtually shone in the early morning light.

Sanzo couldn't tear his eyes away.

"Goku!" He blinked suddenly and looked away from the window. The waitress from yesterday was standing several paces away, her hands on her hips. "Hello, work?" she said seriously, though her mouth was curving in an amused little smile. "You can daydream later."

"Sorry. Didn't mean to," he answered. He pushed away from the wall and looked up, only now noticing the audience. "Hello. Do you need anything?"

"We were hoping for some breakfast," Hakkai said, sidestepping Sanzo, who apparently did not plan on moving anytime soon. Goku grinned easily.

"Sure. Find yourselves a table, I'll be with you in a minute." He waved at them vaguely and followed the waitress into the dining hall.

Almost compulsively, the three men turned to look at the window that Goku found so fascinating. Nothing particularly interesting there, except for a spectacular view of the sun and a small pond. The only thing to truly look at, was the play of the light on the reflective surfaces the pond and various bits of metal offered.

"He's remembering, you think?" Gojyo asked no one in particular.

"Didn't look like he remembered us, in any case," Hakkai replied. Goku's fascination with light was a very Goku thing, he always thought, Sanzo the Sun aside. Sanzo just grunted and walked to the first available table.

"What can I get you?" Goku appeared not a minute later with a pad in his hands. Gojyo bit down the instinctive 'anything you won't eat on the way from the kitchen' – insulting the waiter never paid off.

"Just a regular breakfast for three, thank you," Hakkai said smiling. Once again, he was left to do the honours.

"Right on." Goku slipped the pad into the apron pocket and disappeared into the kitchen. The regular breakfast for three was greeted with a pointed lack of enthusiasm, but plenty of dutiful chewing. They didn't talk much, or at all. Since no other guest of the inn seemed bothered with getting breakfast, the meal passed in heavy silence.

Sanzo finished his share faster than both Gojyo and Hakkai, simply by refusing to take another bite. He spent the next five or so minutes staring at his plate, with a sour expression on his face.

The moment Hakkai set his chopsticks down, Goku materialised by their table.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"No, thank you." Hakkai smiled politely. Goku smiled at him brightly and heaped the empty dishes onto his tray. Every so often his eyes would dart in Sanzo's direction, but Sanzo was pointedly looking the other way. Gojyo muttered something, and Hakkai managed to hide his amusement behind a napkin – apparently not even memory loss could quell Goku's attraction to the surly monk.

"I'm going to get cigarettes," Sanzo said, standing up. Gojyo raised a brow but did not comment on the half-full pack stuck casually in the back pocket of Sanzo's jeans.

"I'm going too," he said instead.

"I'll meet you upstairs then," Hakkai said.

Finding the smokes proved to be quite a challenge, this early in the day. Finally, after almost half an hour of wandering around, a shop owner took pity on the two of them and agreed to sell them their fix now instead of two hours later.

Gojyo's mood lifted considerably, as he took a first drag. Sanzo, on the other hand, automatically lit a cigarette, inhaled twice, and promptly forgot he was smoking. The kappa thought his hairline just might start receding, what with the constant raising of the brows, when Sanzo's cigarette dropped to the ground. He knew for a fact it barely touched his lips.

The monk was well on his way to becoming pitiful. Gods, how he wished for a camera.

Their return to the inn passed unnoticed – no one was at the desk, nor in the dinning hall. Still, Gojyo could swear he could hear the monkey, being loud as usual.

"Maiyu, damn it. Keep still already!" Definitely Goku's voice. Gojyo stopped and peered into the staff room carefully. Sanzo, for all his dignity, followed suit. Goku was holding a pair of scissors in his hand, glaring playfully at the waitress they'd seen earlier, calling him back to work.

"You're waving sharp scissors in front of my face! I'm not exactly comfortable," she replied, a definite pout in her voice. Her long hair was down. Gojyo, while hardly the expert at female hairdos, had seen enough of them at various stages of being done, so he easily recognised the heaviness of natural curls intensified by the constant presence of a braid.

"You asked for it."

"I asked you to cut my hair, not to scare me half to death!"

"I wouldn't, if you'd just sit still!"

"Alright, I'm still." There was a brief pause and then the scissors snapped once. Then again. And once more. Soon the snapping was constant, a sharp contract to the barely audible sound of severed hair falling to the floor. Aside from that, the room was completely silent, with the easy, confident silence that stems from people simply enjoying each other's presence.

Gojyo made an effort not to throw a scathing comment at Sanzo. The priest's body was tense as he watched the proceedings, his fist clenched by his sides and twitching, a sign Gojyo easily recognised as 'itching to grab the gun and fire a round or five'. Personally, he thought it was a cute sight, for an impartial observer. Of course, he was hardly impartial himself.

Before long, Goku stepped away from the chair, cocking his head to the side as if admiring his work. "There," he said, putting the scissors away. Maiyu stood up and shook her head. She then picked a mirror and inspected her new hairdo.

"Well, you're lucky you work at an inn and not a hairdresser's."

"I told you I'm no good at this!" Goku said defensively. Maiyu giggled. "I don't think I've ever cut anyone's hair."

"How would you know, with the amnesia and everything." Goku had a way of blinking in confusion that made the slight motion very obvious to anyone who was around at the time. Deep down Gojyo found it absolutely adorable, but he knew there was not enough sex, money or pain in the world to make him admit it.

"The what?"

"Amnesia. Means memory loss," Maiyu said. Her voice had gone a lot quieter suddenly.

"Oh. Well, I dunno. Just got the feeling." Goku shrugged, as if losing one's memory was a fact of life that everyone had to deal with. Sometimes, Gojyo truly envied the monkey. How he could take something as big as a lack of memory in stride, he couldn't even begin to comprehend. Still, he'd had practice, not that he remembered it, obviously.

"Well, you're certainly no expert," Maiyu said, using the small mirror to get as good a look as possible at the wild strands framing her face. "I really like it." Even from their vantage point, Sanzo and Gojyo could tell Goku smiled at her words.

"You look cute," he offered collecting the hair from the floor.

"Oh, I promised you food already, you don't need to flatter me." She busied herself with swiping the rest into the bin.

"I could always get more," Goku said grinning. Maiyu laughed and punched his shoulder playfully. Together they left the room. In the silence that followed their departure, the gritting of teeth was loud as a gunshot.

"He looks good," Gojyo said. His fingers automatically delved into the cigarette pack. "I mean," he continued, correctly assuming Sanzo had no intention of acknowledging him, "Damn. He's no kid anymore."

"And that's so fucking relevant now, because?"

"It speaks. Whaddya know? Not relevant at all. Just – I mean it's kinda hard not to grow up, living as we do. Still feels weird to be seeing him on his own, like this."

"He's been like this, as you put it, for a long while now." Now this was a comment to turn Gojyo's head.

"Shit, you know that sounded like you were actually looking!" His whole being fell into the familiar pattern of teasing the high and mighty monk, except something was not quite right with the picture. He furrowed his brows. "You were looking," he said eventually. And fuck, wasn't that a revelation! "You were what, waiting for him to grow up enough for you?"

"None of your fucking business."

"Fuck, you're more retarded than I thought!" Sanzo's eyes flashed dangerously, as he gripped Gojyo's shirt by the lapels.

"What was that supposed to mean?"

"I'm saying, you're a fucking dumbass, if you're waiting for whatever it is you're waiting for, and not just telling the kid you want him."

"Fuck. Off."

"Granted, I've never bothered to find out which way he swings, mainly because I strongly suspect he swings both and neither, but I hardly think it matters, in your case. Especially in your case." A pause. "What with you being all pretty and stuff."

"Shut up."

"Of co