Title: Front Row

Author: jinxaire

Rating: NC-17 (explicit sex and cursing)

Warnings: m/m sex, masturbation, voyeurism

Pairing(s): Sanzo/Hakkai, peeping Gojyo

Author's Note: Written for the Saiyuki Kink Meme II prompt of "Sanzo/Hakkai (Sanzo topping, preferably), Gojyo's certain that he 'isn't gay' but secretly watches and masturbates to them having sex (voyeurism)."

Summary: Gojyo happens upon Sanzo and Hakkai engaged in an intimate moment and gets a little carried away enjoying the show

The harmony of chirping crickets and rustling leaves floated through the air on the night's warm breeze. An unseen owl hooted quietly in a stand of trees nearby and some small animal let out a shrill death squeak, no doubt having been found by the orange tomcat Gojyo had seen prowling earlier. Gojyo felt a bit like a tomcat himself as he waited in the damp coolness under a tree. His cigarette was nearly burnt down to the filter and it wasn't the first one he'd lit up here while he was waiting.

The full moon was high in the cloudless sky, casting bright light down as if to courteously illuminate the courtyard for Gojyo. It only revealed that he was alone, obviously stood up by the cute serving girl who had promised to meet him here after her shift. Gojyo had heard a mischievious note in her voice when she'd responded to his flirtations and he had been looking forward to having a playful hottie in bed tonight.

Turns out she was just being a cock tease.

With a sigh, Gojyo flicked the cigarette butt to the dirt and ground it hard with his heel, perhaps a bit more vigorously than necessary. He glanced towards the kitchen but no light glowed underneath the back door. It was definitely closed and empty with no waitress in sight. Gojyo was left alone and horny with nothing but a sad moon and wild critters for company.

Sighing again, he decided to fold and turn in for the night. He cast one last look at the coldly unsympathetic face in the sky and started towards the back entrance of the inn. The quaint shutters on most of the windows were shut tightly but as he walked along the wall, a low groan made him pause.

It sounded like Sanzo's voice. The noise he had made sounded rather... sexual.

Surely he'd heard wrong.

However, this was definitely Sanzo and Hakkai's room. Sanzo had made Gojyo stay with Goku tonight since their rooms would be far enough away that the priest wouldn't hear the "idiots and all that damn racket you make." He'd claimed he'd had a headache and wanted some peace and quiet.

More like Sanzo just wanted to get away so he could spank the monkey.

Gojyo coughed suddenly. The image of Goku popping up in his head was a Pandora's box of all sorts of wrong.

Not that monkey.

A second voice let out a moan, but the sound was too soft for Gojyo to recognize whose voice it was.

Or... maybe it was the monkey after all.

That night at dinner, Sanzo had left for his room first with the usual headache complaint. After Goku had practically licked all of the plates clean, he'd gone up with the snacks and manga that Hakkai had bought him. Some traveling scholar had caught Hakkai's attention with the lure of a rare old book that he'd been reading, some dusty old tome that was spread out on another table. Gojyo had quickly escaped before the two could start orgasming together over the smell of musty old paper and water stained leather.

This was just too good.

Gojyo had certainly made enough crude jokes before about Sanzo having unholy inclinations torwards kids and monkeys, but he had never been serious.

He had to see who Sanzo was in bed with to test his theory. Gojyo had started to think that Sanzo was quite possibly a virgin after all, or maybe that he disliked everybody too much to ever have sexual relations beyond threesomes involving his fan and gun.

Gojyo crept close to the window, stepping lightly to avoid making any sound. The shutters were nearly closed except for a narrow gap which spilled a stripe of warm yellow light out into the darkness. The small space was just enough to give a peek in, and if Gojyo was lucky, he'd even be able to see what was going on - or who it was going on with. Gojyo held his breath, half afraid that he'd be caught and have his face blown off by Sanzo's gun. Biting his lip in an effort to keep from snickering, he leaned in to peek through the crack.

The moment of truth - how many ways were there for a monk to spank the monkey?

His face nearly pressed against the rough wood, Gojyo focused his right eye and peered in. Luckily, the room was small or otherwise he might not have been able to see much with the limited range that the small space between the shutters afforded him. However, the occupied bed was set against the wall opposite of the window, giving Gojyo practically a front row seat to the show inside.

It wasn't Goku that the monk was frisking. It was Hakkai.

Instead of spanking any type of monkey, it seemed that Sanzo had the more pressing issue of taming a personal demon.

The two were lying shirtless on the bed with Sanzo stretched out on top of Hakkai, his fingers entangled in the silky dark hair. Sanzo was determinedly ravaging his mouth; from his position at the window, Gojyo could see the flicker of Sanzo's tongue moving between Hakkai's lips and could hear the wet sound of their kisses. Hakkai's elegant hands were firmly gripping Sanzo's denim-encased ass, clutching him against his body as the monk ground down on him. Hakkai's own hips rocked back and forth, sensually rubbing his crotch against Sanzo's.

Buddha's balls!

Gojyo was shocked. He'd never thought that Hakkai would have been into guys. Well, not that his track record had been exactly conventional with the whole incest thing, but at least Kanan had been female, even if she was Hakkai's sister. Plus, Hakkai always went into knight in shining armor mode when faced with damsels in distress. He was just so damned proper all of the time. Besides that, Gojyo had assumed that Hakkai was pretty much celibate these days with the whole heart-shattered-into-a-thousand-irreparable-pieces syndrome. Gojyo had understood and accepted that. Despite the way Gojyo loved to tease Sanzo, he never bullied or taunted Hakkai. Hakkai was broken, but Sanzo was just sexually repressed and always took his sexual frustration out on everyone else.

Or so Gojyo had thought. Apparently, he was wrong on both counts. Hakkai apparently wasn't celibate and even enjoyed having sex with men, or at least a certain cranky blond monk. Sanzo was neither a virgin nor, evidently, sexually repressed. He was just an asshole.

Sanzo kissed a trail down Hakkai's smooth chest, latching onto a pert nipple and sucking hard. Hakkai moaned, his hands circling restlessly over the pale freckled skin of Sanzo's shoulders. Sanzo released the nub, moving over to torture the other one as Hakkai murmured into his blond hair.

"Bite it, Sanzo. Please."

Sanzo apparently complied, because now Hakkai tossed his head back with a sigh.

"Ah, yes, just like that. It feels so good when you're rough with me."

Sanzo reached up to pinch the abandoned nipple hard as his lips and teeth worked the other one, his mouth making soft sucking noises on Hakkai's chest.

Gojyo's ears were burning. So were his eyes. Or maybe it was his entire head as he was forced to witness his best friend doing the naughty with Sanzo of all people. Well, he wasn't being forced, really. He'd satisfied his curiosity and received a hell of a lot more answers than he'd been expecting. Now it was time to get back to his room. He needed to find bleach to wash his eyes out with and maybe some cotton swabs to clean the blood out of his ears.

Except the horror of the whole situation had apparently sent his body into shock and his legs refused to obey the commands of his brain, stubbornly remaining planted in front of the window. Maybe he had died of shock and gone into rigor mortis, because surely that's the only reason why his dick was so hard. Come morning the cook would come out to get water from the well and find Gojyo's corpse propped up against the side of the building, and everyone would know that the gods had found the perfect death for a peeping pervert. Hakkai would be aghast, Goku would be laughing his hairy ass off, and Sanzo would finally get his heart's desire in unloading a volley of bullets into Gojyo's dead body as shooting practice for the day.

"Fuck, these pants are strangling my dick."

Gojyo started, wondering if he'd spoken aloud, then suddenly realized that it was actually Sanzo who'd spoken and not himself. Gojyo refocused his attention and saw Sanzo had sat up and was reaching for his fly.

"Here, let me get that. It's not very useful if it atrophies," Hakkai chuckled.

He certainly has a way with words, Gojyo thought.

Hakkai reached up and flicked the button open expertly, pulling the zipper down to allow Sanzo's hard cock to spring out. The monk wasn't wearing any underwear. Gojyo had seen Sanzo's dick plenty of times - not that he'd been looking, of course. They were all men, so they had no modesty when it came to getting dressed or washing up when there was no privacy to be had. He'd seen all of their dicks, but never erect. Well, not counting that one time he'd accidently caught Goku jerking off, but he tried to block that from his memory.

Sanzo's dick reminded Gojyo of the monk himself; it was long and slender, red and pissed-off looking. Hakkai didn't say anything about the lack of underpants, surprisingly. Instead, he loosely wrapped his hand around Sanzo's cock and gave it a couple slow strokes as he used his free hand to work Sanzo's jeans down a bit more. Sanzo grunted and thrust into Hakkai's grip. Hakkai dipped his head forward, flicking his tongue lightly around the head of Sanzo's cock.

"Fuck, yes." Sanzo growled with pleasure and pushed his hips forward.

Hakkai smiled up at him, leaning forward to lick slowly across Sanzo's balls before easing back and lightly biting a bony hip.

Gojyo was pretty sure his own dick was being strangled. All of the blood that should be in his legs as they rapidly carried him away from here had instead pooled in his cock, causing it to ache and throb horribly.

Not that it meant anything. It wasn't like he was into guys doing guys or anything like that. It must be pheromones drifting through the air. They were wafting out of the cracked shutters straight into Gojyo's nose and affecting the animal part of his brain. The little piece left over from when people ran around barefoot in the woods in furry loincloths, wielding big clubs. Not unlike a couple of the youkai they'd run into before.

Yeah, because he was totally not getting turned on by his two male friends doing it because he was gay. Because he wasn't. Gay, that was. Not his fault there were weird chemicals floating in the air and making him do crazy shit. Like unbutton his pants so he could pull his cock out. While he was standing outside a window. Secretly watching two men, his friends, have sex. One of which, at least, would most definitely kill him if Gojyo was discovered.

"Shit, it's been too long since we've had a private room. I'm not going to last long if you keep doing that." With a reluctant groan, Sanzo gently pulled his cock away from Hakkai's teasing. "I'm going to fuck you hard tonight," Sanzo promised.

Gojyo did not just hear that from Sanzo of all people, did he? He stroked himself almost absentmindedly, waiting for one of them to drop another bomb on his poor unsuspecting mind.

Hakkai let out a little groan himself at Sanzo's words, reaching down to undo his belt and open his pants. Sanzo reached down and pulled Hakkai's erection out of the constraints of his underwear. Hakkai's dick didn't look as angry as Sanzo's for some reason. As dicks went, it was kind of pretty, a bit like its owner, smooth and elegant and not all veiny looking. Its little twitch kind of looked like a friendly greeting.

Wait. Did he just call a dick pretty looking!? Apparently his brain had suffered a slight stroke, too.

For a moment, Sanzo just stared down at Hakkai's dick, his eyes hidden from Gojyo by the mess of blond hair hanging down. He gently pressed Hakkai back down on the bed again. His long fingers gently caressed Hakkai's hip, trailing down to tease through the dark hair at his groin before twirling over the tip of Hakkai's cock. Sanzo suddenly bent down and slipped the flushed head into his mouth, shocking Gojyo a bit.

Gojyo never thought that Sanzo would deign to sully his mouth by sticking a dick in it. Sanzo was a selfish bastard and an asshole to boot. He hardly seemed the type to bother giving head. Then again, Sanzo did have strange tastes. He was groaning around Hakkai's cock like he'd just found a lake of soggy ramen swimming in mayonnaise, his lips moving up and down the shaft as well as any seasoned whore's. One hand supported himself as he leaned over Hakkai's lap and the other fisted the rest of Hakkai's cock that wouldn't fit in his mouth.

Gojyo had to fight a groan himself. He was so not into this. Not one bit. He tightened his grip around his cock and started stroking more firmly. It'd just been a while since he'd had a blow job himself, and this was bringing back memories from the last time. Never mind that he wasn't actually picturing that chick's face and that he couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight of his best friend's dick filling Sanzo's filthy mouth.

Hakkai moaned softly, propping himself up on his elbows for a better view. His hips moved with amazing restraint, keeping himself from choking the blond even as he kept up a steady movement sliding back and forth between Sanzo's lips.

"Ah! Sanzo," Hakkai managed, "I'm not going to last long myself if you don't stop now." Despite his words, he thrust himself deeper into Sanzo's mouth, one hand curling in the blond hair as if to hold him there.

Sanzo pulled back slightly, gently biting the flesh where Hakkai's thigh met his groin. Hakkai moaned again then at Sanzo's nudge, lifted his hips so that his pants and underwear could be pulled off in a couple quick yanks. The blond stood and wrestled out of his own pants, leaving them in an untidy heap on the floor. He paused for a moment, digging around in his robes which were draped over the back of a chair.

Sanzo was uncomfortably close to Gojyo's window. Gojyo's hand stilled on his cock as he waited, frozen.

Hakkai openly admired Sanzo's ass. His dark eyes seemed transfixed on the lily white paleness as he sprawled back on the bed, slowly stroking his cock. The corners of his mouth were drawn up in a pleased smile. In the ambient light, his cock glistened with Sanzo's saliva.

Gojyo would never have believed that such a lascivious expression was possible on Hakkai's face if he hadn't seen it for himself.

Sanzo pulled a bottle of lube out of the folds in his robe. Gojyo couldn't help but notice that it was a rather large bottle considering that it shared space with Sanzo's smokes, lighter, fan, pistol and the occasional meat bun in the mysterious fourth dimension that resided in Sanzo's robes. Gojyo wondered what else might be hidden in there and stifled a chuckle at the thought. His dick wasn't as amused, resting heavy and aching in Gojyo's hand. It wanted a little bit of that lube but Gojyo didn't even dare to raise his hand to spit in it. It was too dangerous with Sanzo standing so close to the window. Gojyo barely breathed, wondering what would happen if Sanzo suddenly turned and noticed a red eye peeking in at him. He didn't dare even blink.

With a grunt, Sanzo turned away. Gojyo relaxed and breathed a slow breath. His hand was a little shaky as it smoothed over the heated skin of his cock.

Sanzo was watching Hakkai stroke himself on the bed. Gojyo couldn't see it, but he could practically feel Sanzo's scowl.

"Stop that, dammit. Where'd your sash go?" Dropping the bottle to the bed, Sanzo pulled Hakkai's hands away from his cock, gripping his wrists to gently press them up to the top of the bed. His eyes seemed to search through the discarded clothes on the floor, looking for the sash. Hakkai groaned and shook his head.

"Don't tie me. I'll be good," Hakkai promised. He wriggled in Sanzo's grip and looked up at him from the corner of his good eye. His lips twitched into a strange little smile.

Sanzo stared down at Hakkai for a moment as if he was trying to determine if Hakkai was lying. After a moment, he released Hakkai's wrists, climbing on the bed and picking up the lube again.

"Che. We'll see about that. You'd better keep it down this time. I don't want to have to gag you again."

Holy crap, Sanzo and Hakkai were kinky too!?

Hakkai let out a wanton moan as if he liked the idea of being gagged. However, instead of giving Sanzo further encouragement to whip out the bondage gear - which Gojyo would not be surprised to see Sanzo withdraw from his robes - he simply pulled his knees up into the air and held the back of his thighs with his hands in a blatant invitation. Even from his position at the window, Gojyo could see the hungry glitter of Hakkai's eyes in the lamplight as he stared up at Sanzo.

Gojyo's hand tightened on his cock as he watched Sanzo lube his own dick with a couple brisk strokes. He poured more lube into his hand, the slick fluid dripping onto the bed as he brought his hand down between Hakkai's legs. Without preamble, Sanzo pushed two slick fingers into Hakkai's waiting ass. Hakkai didn't seem to mind, throwing his head back on the pillow and letting out a low moan as Sanzo worked him.

Gojyo could see Sanzo's fingers sinking into Hakkai's body all the way to the knuckles and stared, his hand squeezing the base of his cock to keep from coming right then and there. Okay, so maybe this was the hottest thing he'd ever seen, but that didn't make him gay. Hell, it was only gay if you actually wanted to do it, right? Gojyo certainly didn't want to do it so it made it perfectly fine to watch.

Or so he told himself.

He wasn't having any urges to be in the room on that bed, in Sanzo's position as he eased his furious-looking dick into Hakkai, who probably had a very tight, eager ass indeed. Sanzo let out deep groan, pushing until his body was flush against Hakkai. He paused for a moment as they both panted, running his hands over the creamy flesh spread out underneath him.

Nope, Gojyo didn't want to do that one bit. Not at all.

"Sanzo..."

Only Hakkai could make someone's name sound like a polite request and a firm command simultaneously.

Sanzo gripped Hakkai's thighs and began a slow thrusting.

Hot damn. Why was it that the sight of his two friends - male friends - fucking each other was the hottest thing his eyes, or in this case - eye - had ever laid its gaze upon?

His aching cock was leaking copiously and throbbed insistently in his restraining grip. Not tearing his gaze off of the other two, Gojyo spread the fluid over his shaft, using it to ease the friction of his calloused palm as he resumed a steady pumping. He rubbed his thumb across the slit on each upstroke and bit his lip to keep from moaning. The last thing he needed was for Hakkai or Sanzo to hear heavy moaning through the shutters. That would not be pretty by any stretch of the imagination.

He probably didn't have much to worry about, though. Sanzo was letting out a guttural grunt with each snap of his hips and Hakkai's panting was as loud as if he was running a marathon. Gojyo unconsciously began to stroke his cock in time to Sanzo's thrusts, imagining that the tight grip was a hot ass instead. Gojyo watched them move together on the bed for what seemed like an eternity, just the two men on the bed and the peeping kappa at the window.

So he was a pervert, nothing new. Gojyo gently rolled his balls in his left hand as his right hand kept up its steady fisting. His eye felt strained so he carefully shifted to peek through the gap with the other one. He hoped all of this spying wouldn't make him need glasses.

Hakkai was starting to get noisier, his usually mild tenor now climbing into a high, breathy range as Sanzo steadily fucked him. He cried out Sanzo's name occasionally with a few commands of "just a bit harder" and "faster, please" and lots of exclamations of "Ah ah ah's!" Apparently, the man even nagged in bed. At least he made it sound sexy. With a muttered curse, Sanzo sped up and practically bent Hakkai in half so he could crush their mouths together, effectively muffling Hakkai's stream of noise to a series of what sounded like "Mmmph mmph ummph Snnnzo guhd!"

He was now fucking Hakkai so hard that the cheap bed frame was banging loudly against the wall and the noise of their bodies slapping together seemed to drown out all of the other sounds in the night.

Gojyo was surprised that the plaster wasn't cracking and that the innkeeper wasn't banging on the door in protest.

Really, he'd be shocked if Hakkai could even walk normally tomorrow and if Sanzo's tongue hadn't been bitten off.

Gojyo was close. His balls felt heavy and tingled like mad; the pressure in his cock was promising an orgasm of epic pleasure. He abandoned the teasing of his balls so he could cover his mouth in an attempt to muffle his own noises.

Sanzo wormed a hand between their bodies and started jerking Hakkai's cock hard and fast. Hakkai tore his mouth away from Sanzo's with a heaving gasp, clearly struggling to get enough oxygen in his lungs to nag or scream or something. He took a deep breath then suddenly stiffened, coming with a loud cry of Sanzo's name as his cock pumped out spurts of come between the two.

That did it. Gojyo bit his lip so hard he tasted blood but it kept him from shouting through the window at the other two, which would definitely end his sorry life in a colorful celebration of flying lead and gore. It felt like his cock had exploded as he shot his load against the wall, streaking the wood slating with pale stripes that glistened in the bright moonlight. Black spots swarmed his vision and he hardly noticed Sanzo's cry of "Fuck, Hakkai!" as the monk stiffened, smashing his hips against his lover as he orgasmed. Sanzo collapsed over Hakkai, both of them breathing heavily.

Gojyo carefully planted his hands against the wall under the window while he fought to regain control of his breathing and order his scrambled brain to produce coherent thoughts again. He was dimly aware of shuffling as Hakkai gently pushed Sanzo off of him so he could stretch his legs back out on the bed. Sanzo didn't complain, flopping onto the bed with more docility than Gojyo was accustomed to seeing from him.

Gojyo gathered his wits enough to tuck himself back into his pants as the two finally regained the ability of speech.

"Cigarettes," Sanzo demanded, although his voice was at least more mellow than usual.

"As I was trying to tell you before you dragged me in here, there aren't any more left." Hakkai sighed but it was a relaxed sound, lacking any real exasperation. "I think Gojyo still has a few, or if you prefer, I saw a vending machine out back."

"Damn it." Sanzo was already sounding like his bitchy self again. Evidently post-coital bliss wasn't enough to keep him off the rag for a full ten minutes.

Shit. Time to get going before Sanzo aerated his head with bullet holes. Hopefully he wouldn't notice the streaks against the wall. Oh well, if he did, it wasn't like he'd know who did it.

Gojyo chuckled to himself as he quickly fled, imagining Sanzo's expression as he realized some unknown creep had been spying on him as he got down and nasty with Hakkai. He bit his knuckles to stifle a crazy giggle. He paused and leaned against the door to the inn, trying to calm the slight hysteria he was feeling after his near death experience with gay sex.

It took a few minutes, but his head finally cleared. His body still pleasantly thrummed with the afterglow of his orgasm. All in all, it'd been a pretty good night despite that girl flaking out on him. Or maybe because she flaked out on him, but Gojyo wasn't going to think too hard about that.

Making sure he was presentable enough, he came through the back entrance and started towards the room he was sharing with Goku. He adopted his usual swagger in attempt to look normal. A stride that made him look confident and at least somewhat respectable, not like some lonely voyeur who lurked around baths and open windows. A type of walk that wasn't at all gay, either. No flouncing or swinging hips, just a smooth and steady stalking motion like a predator on the prowl.

So maybe he'd watched his two guy friends have sex, but it wasn't that different from watching a porn. He'd seen some crazy porn flicks before, some that might have gotten him pretty hot but not like he'd ever want to participate in. Tentacle sex, for example. Hot on the screen but definitely not hot if it was a real wriggling, slimy appendage that was flopping in bed with him and his latest conquest.

Gojyo reached his room and slipped inside without incident. He locked the door behind him and was relieved not to hear Sanzo's enraged shout or gunshots echoing down the hallway.

Goku was still awake, stretched out in his underwear on one of the beds with a stash of candy bars, soda, and manga. He had chocolate smeared around his mouth and a dumbass smile as he chuckled at something on the page. He paid no attention as Gojyo slipped into the bathroom for a shower.

Gojyo took his time under the hot spray. Reflecting back, he realized that he was a bit shocked after everything was said and done. Sanzo and Hakkai, together. Them having sex together... really wild, hot sex together.

His cock gave a half-hearted twitch at the tumble of images and sounds that were scorched into his brain. Snapping back to the present, he ignored his dick, which apparently had no idea of what it was and wasn't supposed to find hot. Instead, he finished up his shower and dried off, putting on some pajama bottoms so he wouldn't wake up with gum stuck in his pubes again.

Now that was a prank he had no desire to have revisited upon him, although the rest of the ikkou had seemed to find it funny. Sanzo had openly laughed in his face and said it was his own fault for "sleeping with his dick hanging out around bored monkeys." Hakkai had clearly been struggling to keep a straight face as he kindly offered to buy Gojyo some peanut butter to help remove the mess.

Sanzo had guffawed at that. Apparently even the holy Sanzo wasn't immune to the supposed hilarity of the situation.

"Hakkai, what the hell are you thinking? Peanut butter would have every monkey on this side of India gnawing on Gojyo's dick."

Sanzo paused, smirking around his cigarette.

"Actually, Hakkai - that's the best idea I think you've ever had."

Goku, predictably, had been hiding from Gojyo's wrath.

In the end, Gojyo had ended up borrowing an extra razor from Hakkai.

"No, Gojyo, I really don't need that back. Please keep it, I insist." Hakkai's eyes practically sparkled with poorly hidden mirth.

Yeah, there was no way in hell he was going to risk having that bit of fun again.

Gojyo came back into the room and settled down on his bed. He grabbed a can of beer and his cigarettes from the bag on the floor. The beer would be nasty warm, but he needed something alcoholic tonight. He felt a prickling at the back of his neck and looked up to see Goku watching him with an expression of what looked like greed.

Creepy.

"Got a problem, monkey?"

Goku smiled oddly at him and didn't even bother responding to the insult. "Nope, not at all. You owe me your meat buns for a week, though."

"Yeah right, I don't owe you nothing, ape." Gojyo blew smoke in his face, causing Goku to cough and throw an empty soda can at his head.

Gojyo ducked and sneered at him.

"Stupid buttface!" Goku uselessly waved at the smoky air, jumping up to open the window to let the smoke escape. When he turned back to face Gojyo, he had a smirk plastered on his face again, though.

"Yeah, you'd better be nice or I'll tell them anyway. I saw what you did tonight."

Gojyo's gut clenched and he sputtered, nearly dropping his cigarette.

"Wha-"

"Pervy roach, spying on Hakkai an' Sanzo. I thought you weren't gay, huh? Why were you whacking off, then?"

Gojyo's brain stuttered for an excuse as his fist crushed the burning cigarette.

"I was not!" Gojyo's face was hot with mortification and he knew there was no way he could claim he had been doing anything other what Goku was accusing him of.

Golden eyes glinted mockingly. "Sure you weren't. Just airing the stink off your nuts, eh?"

Goku's grin outshone the moon in its brightness. That was, except for the globs of chocolate stuck in his teeth.

Gojyo desperately tried to order his thoughts. "I was just waiting for my date to come out!"

"Yeah, right! You're a liar, Gojyo!" Goku's voice was getting louder and Gojyo tried to shush him but the kid plowed on.

"I went to the vending machine and there you were, acting like the perverted kappa you are in the bushes. You'll give me your meat buns and all of your dessert for the next two weeks or I'm so telling on you!"

Two weeks now and dessert?!

Gojyo ground his teeth in anger. There was no way he wanted to face Sanzo's unpredictable wrath or Hakkai's disappointment in his friend's disrespectful lewdness. He'd better give in before he was giving all of his fucking food to the damn monkey for the next year. Although death by starvation would probably be preferable to the other two finding out what Gojyo had been doing. His pride couldn't let that happen.

"Fine, dammit! Meat buns and dessert for the next two weeks."

Goku whooped and tossed himself back down on the bed, seemingly happy enough with Gojyo's agreement that he didn't try to extort any more food out of him. His big eyes sparkled with unholy glee at the thought of eating the best part of Gojyo's meals in the upcoming days.

Kid really needs a healthier fixation than food. His age, he should be drooling over tits, not meat buns.

Then again, look at the trouble a healthy sex drive had gotten Gojyo into.

Damned monkey, damned open windows, and damned bastards who fucked without bothering to shut their windows all the way.

Gojyo sighed and took a healthy swig of his beer. He would need to be drunk as hell to get any amount of sleep tonight. Goku was bouncing now in a sugar-induced craze, practically rolling like a dog in the empty candy wrappers on the bed. The teen let out a final satisfied sigh, settling on his side and wrapping his arms around himself in what Gojyo supposed was a hug of congratulations for his cleverness.

Dumbass.

A sudden thought struck Gojyo.

"Hey, how do you know about those two?"

Goku's eyes cleared slightly from their glaze of culinary hedonism and he looked across the room towards Gojyo.

"I can smell it when they've been all over each other, duh." Goku's noise wrinkled slightly.

Gojyo thanked his lucky stars that he didn't have Goku's sense of smell.

"And once, I heard Hakkai yelling so I ran in and totally saw Sanzo pounding Hakkai's ass over the table." Goku paused dramatically. "Last time I made that mistake again!"

Gojyo's eyes bugged out. He wasn't sure if he was more shocked at Goku's story, the fact that he'd actually said "Sanzo pounding Hakkai's ass" or how hot he found the mental image of Sanzo bending Hakkai over a piece of furniture. Maybe he was just a tiny bit gay after all.

He dumped the rest of his beer down his throat at that thought. He realized Goku seemed to be waiting expectantly for the amazement he seemed to think his story deserved. Actually, maybe it was a little bit amazing.

"You saw that and lived!?"

Goku giggled. "Yeah, they promised to feed me whatever I wanted that day all day long if I didn't say anything."

Gojyo nodded agreeably at Goku's explanation but privately, he was surprised that Goku's silence was so cheap to buy. Not that a day of buying whatever Goku fancied was cheap, really, considering his ungodly appetite. However, the teen could have continued his blackmail until Sanzo gave up and fed him a bullet instead.

"And of course, whenever they want to go at it these days, they usually give me money to keep me from bugging them." Goku grinned and patted his manga smugly.

Gojyo couldn't help but smile at that. He didn't appreciate being manipulated by Goku but the thought that Sanzo was getting the same treatment amused him greatly. Especially now that it really wasn't necessary with Gojyo catching them in the act tonight.

"Okay, monkey. I'll give you my buns and sweets for the next two weeks but just don't tell the other two that I know their little secret. If you did, they'll probably stop bribing you anyways."

Goku cocked his head, probably not having thought of that possibility. Gojyo relaxed, knowing that Goku wouldn't go back on his word and spill the beans or try to steal more of Gojyo's food now that Gojyo had planted in his head the threat of Sanzo's forced generosity coming to a stop. Goku wasn't the only one around here who could play mind games.

Goku shrugged, faking nonchalance as he brushed the garbage off his bed onto the floor. He washed the candy out of his mouth with some more orange soda before crawling under the covers. He seemed content now, snuggling down to a pleasurable night of candied wet dreams and big burgeoning cavities, Gojyo supposed.

Gojyo ground his cigarette out in the ashtray and flicked the light off, settling down in his own bed. He'd be lucky if he got a wink of sleep, all things considered. Even worse, he might possibly have homoerotic dreams about the two scariest members of the ikkou. Now that would be a nightmare.

Gojyo blinked into the darkness and hoped for the best.

After a moment, though, Goku shifted in his own bed to face him and broke the silence.

"Hey, Gojyo." The sheets rustled quietly. "Are you jealous of them?"

His eyes glinted in the moonlight that fell through the window.

Gojyo's stomach did a strange little somersault. He decided that the warm beer wasn't settling well in his gut.

"Fuck no, why the hell would you say that!?"

Goku was quiet for a moment. "I thought you had a thing for Hakkai, you know."

How many times do I have to tell people that I'm not fucking gay!!??

"No, I don't know, and no, I don't have a thing for Hakkai. Are you jealous that Sanzo's boning him instead of you?"

Gojyo was actually kind of curious how the teen was taking to Hakkai's relationship with the man he worshipped.

"Ew, no!" Goku genuinely sounded a bit grossed out.

Gojyo smiled into the darkness. It looked like the kid had a chance of growing up with some semblance of normalcy after all. Gojyo relaxed into his sheets, feeling a bit sleepy after all, no doubt the effects of his earlier orgasm and the beer hitting his system. Although some heavy liquor would have been more appropriate tonight, he thought wistfully.

"You know, though..."

Damn, can't the monkey just let a pervert sleep when he needs it? Gojyo sighed with a little frustration.

"What?"

Silence.

Gojyo rolled his eyes and shifted to his other side so that Goku and his annoying noise was at his back.

Goku didn't say anything else so Gojyo shut his eyes and tried to sleep. Distantly, he heard the yowl of the prowling cat. He sounded horny.

Goku shifted around in his blankets again, the manga falling to the floor with a soft thump as he wiggled closer to the edge of the bed.

"Sometimes I can hear them when they think they're being quiet," Goku whispered.

Gojyo cringed in silent sympathy. He'd never heard them even once before tonight, but then again, Goku had sharper senses than the rest of them. Poor kid. No wonder he funneled his pubescent energy into eating - those two psychos had probably turned him off sex forever.

Goku was quiet again and Gojyo thought his pained confession was the end of it. Gojyo tried to think of a response but he figured that Goku didn't want to hear about his experience dealing with the lasting emotional scars that overhearing other people having sex could do to the psyche. He kept his mouth shut and pretended to sleep but Goku either didn't notice or care.

"When Hakkai starts talking dirty... that's kinda hot." Goku's voice sounded slightly breathy. His mattress squeaked.

Oh hell no.

Gojyo shot out of bed.

He was sleeping in Jeep tonight.

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