Title: Where'd You Go?

Author: Hekmari

Pairings: Goku/Sanzo

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Sanzo's duties at Chang'An  keep him away from home to long

Disclaimer: Why!? Why don't I own it!? I don't own the song either….

E-mail: Hekmari [@] gmail [.] com

Warnings: Angst, songfic

Comments: The song is, obviously, "Where'd you go?" by Fort Minor

 

Notes:

//…Song…//

 

//Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever since you've been gone//

 

//She said "Some days I feel like shit
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit//

Genjyo Sanzo pressed his hands to his eyes, rubbing them tiredly. Being a Sanzo priest was consuming his life. Exorcisms, blessings, religious ceremonies. There was never any time off for anything anymore. Not his friends, not his lover, barely any time for sleep and food. When was the last time he had fun? When was the last time he's seen Goku's golden heretic eyes shining with happiness?

 

//I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but the trips always feel so long//

Goku sat on the bed he used to share with Sanzo, clutching the priest's pillow to his chest. The last time his lover had been home was… when? The three aspects where sending him to temple after temple and village after village. A month? Longer?

 

//And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone//

He stared out the window in the lining room, the one that faced the road, hoping to catch even a glimpse of sparkling blond hair and a pissy expression. Goku sat there all day, into the night, until dawn broke a new day, lighting cigarette after cigarette and laying them in the ash tray just so he could smell the smoke.

 

//But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call
But when I pick up I don't have much to say//

Sanzo walked up the winding path to the house he shared with Goku. The familiar structure seemed foreign after being gone so long. He saw his lover peering out at him through the side window of the living room. His heart clenched. He was home, but how could he tell Goku that he was only here for two days before he had to leave again? He just wanted to Spend this time soaking up the presence of the one he loved.

 

Goku greeted Sanzo at the door with a small smile and a hug that seemed to last for hours. He breathed in the scent of his lover, burying his face in Sanzo's chest, inhaling the scent of cigarettes and road dust and something that was just quintessentially the priest's. When they finally broke their hold on each other, they went inside to spend what little time they could together.

 

Goku wanted to listen to the raspy voice he loved, but couldn't really think of anything to say to get a conversation going. Two days passed in near silence, and then Sanzo was gone.

 

//So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin'
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"//

Gojyo and Hakkai came by frequently, sitting and spending the day with him, but Goku could tell they missed the asshole monk almost as much as he did. He hated that Sanzo was always gone. Couldn't he pass on the title and scripture to someone else? He'd asked, once, but Sanzo had just looked at him for a long time before replying in a harsh tone about the responsibilities his mentor had left him, and how Goku needed to respect the decisions he made.


//I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...//

Goku sat again, staring out the window in the living room, Gojyo and Hakkai on either side of him on the couch, staring with him.

 

//You know the place where you used to live
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile
But now, you only stop by every once and a while//

The party was subdued. Goku looked out at the people gathered in the back yard, sitting around drinking and eating. It should have been noisy and raucous, but without Sanzo screaming at everyone to shut the hell up and shooting his gun, it seemed empty. It had stared fun, when they still thought Sanzo would be able to make it this time, but hours had passed, with no sign of the cranky monk, and the weight of his absence was felt by all. Shortly after eight, people began leaving, and soon Goku was left in the echoing emptiness that his home and his live had become.

 

//Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind//

When Sanzo finally showed up, three months after the party that he was supposed to have attended, the one hosted at his house, by his lover, he opened up the front door to be greeted by a bewildering array of wooded figurines covering every available surface.

 

//I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say//

He wandered into the kitchen to see Goku with a small knife whittling away at block of wood. Golden eyes blinked up into his, and a small voice reached his ears. "Welcome back."

He stared around the room, taking in the half carved statuettes and wood shavings underfoot.

"I picked up a hobby."

When his gaze came back to the man before him, he found those gold eyes focused back on his project. 

 

He turned and went to put his things in the room he and Goku used to share. He felt like this wasn't his home anymore. He hated that he felt like a stranger here, but what was he supposed to do? Koumyou Sanzo had left him this task. He couldn't just walk away. At least he still had someone to come back too.

 

//And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin'
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"//

 

While he moved around in their bedroom, Goku, set the wood and knife down on the table, bowing his head, shoulders shaking.


//I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...//

Shoulders squared, Goku took a deep breath, looking around. It was time.

 

//I want you to know it's a little fucked up
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin'
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless//

Picking up his bag, he headed out the front door one last time, and locked it. He tucked his key under the eves, next to the spare. As he walked down the road away from the last piece of the life he used to have with Sanzo, Goku spared one last look at the house he'd moved into when life had seemed full of possibilities, when he and Sanzo where newly together and so in love. The house that he'd spent five years in, getting lonelier and lonelier, until all that was left inside was a great gaping emptiness. He turned back around and left.

 

//It seems one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...//

Sanzo's bag dropped out of numb fingers and onto the floor. A puff of dust sailed up before settling back down. All the wood carvings were gone. He felt his breath catching in his throat, and choked back a moan. He moved in a fog of dread and disbelief through the house, seeing everything of Goku's gone. His own things were draped with cloth to keep the dust off them. Dust that had had time to form. The place had been empty for months. But tha couldn't be right, could it? He'd just been here… when? Not more than a month this time surely? Thinking back, his stomach twisted in a knot. He'd been gone at least six months. Where had he been? He couldn't remember.

 

His brain was too filled with the ringing silence that permeated the place he and Goku had used to live in together. Before he started heeding the priests at Chang'an and fulfilling his duties. Before he started spending more than a day away from home. He stroked his fingers over the bed he'd shared with Goku, making love for days, holding each other tight, laughing, sleeping in one another's arms. His knees buckled and he crashed to the floor, tears blurring his vision. That moan he'd held back as he wandered through the rooms broke free, searing his throught like a ball of fire.


//Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...//

Goku…

 

Open arms that always seemed to welcome him home, no matter how long he'd been gone. Not anymore.

 

//Please come back home...//

When had he left?

 

Golden eyes that lit up whenever they were together, shining with life. They'd been so dull last time he saw them.

 

//Please come back home...//

Why had Sanzo ever gone away?

 

A laugh that rang out over miles in joy. He hadn't heard it in….. years.

 

//Please come back home...//

Sanzo pushed himself up off the floor, roughly wiping his eyes. How could he have been so stupid? How could he ever think that something was more important than what he'd had with Goku?

 

//Please come back home...//

 

He got up, and ran out of the house, grabbing his bag off the floor, not bothering to lock the door behind him. He would find Goku, and bring him back. He would find someone else to take the title of Sanzo priest. He'd build his life back up with the one he loved. He didn't even know where to start, but that didn't matter. He'd search until he found Goku. He'd beg his forgiveness, start over. No matter what, Sanzo would fix this and bring his lover home. 

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