Title: With You Again This Night
- Author: Gonou's Girl
- Pairing(s): GojyoxHakkai
- Rating: PG-13
- Summary or description: Gojyo contemplates his unique attachment to the beautiful Hakkai.
- Disclaimer: All characters owned by the magnificent Minekura-sama *bows down in reverence*
- Email: elphame_lives [at] msn [dot] com
- Comments: Just cute. You know?
Tonight, as always, I can't sleep on my own. Though to tell you the honest truth, I don't think I ever really try. No incentive. So I stand above Hakkai for a while, just looking at him. Shit. He really is beautiful, you know? The way his hair flops gently across his face, the way his slight shoulders rise and fall with each slow breath... And yeah, his hair and skin really is as soft as it looks. I should know. Seems I'm the only one who's allowed to touch 'em.
I reach out and gently pull back the covers. I always give him the chance to object, but he never does. So I climb into bed behind him, being careful to disturb him as little as possible. I can never tell if he's asleep or just pretending; either way, he doesn't ever acknowledge that I'm there. But he seems to notice the intrusion – every time he smiles in that genuine contented way of his. I reckon he must know it's me. After all, I knew it was him that one time that he climbed into my bed. I guess I'm just used to the way he breathes or something. That time, it had been my life on the line that day. I guess he'd been scared. I sure as hell am.
I run my fingers gently up his arm, resting my chin against his shoulder. I don't know why but lying in the dark next to him makes me feel more at ease than anything else. I mean, I wouldn't go so far as to say it's better than sex – I've got a reputation to keep, you know? But... somehow this is nicer. Just to feel his warmth beneath my fingertips, against my chest, under my lips. Just slows my heart right down. Feels different to a woman. It's the only way I can sleep, next to him...
I softly, gently, undetectably brush my lips against his shoulder, once, twice... a third time. I close my eyes and breathe in his soft, earthy scent. I sometimes wonder why he allows me to do this, but I guess he needs it as much as I do. He's lonely, and he gets scared, but he's convinced he doesn't deserve to care about anyone, or for anyone to care about him. And I guess, deep down, I feel the same. Scarring experiences and all that. Some Freudian shit.
There's nothing sexual about it, though, lying here, with him. I guess you'd think there would be; after all, this is me we're talking about. But there's never anything sexual about it. Not that I'd say it's entirely platonic either. It's companionship, but it's more than just friendship. Hell. I can't explain it. It's like I never want to do anything to him, it's enough just to be there. And when I'm not with him, it's all I can think about.
He's never asked me if I love him, and I appreciate that. Cause fuck knows I don't know the answer. I mean, yeah, of course, I do love him. Not that I'd have the first idea how to explain it to him; but I care about him. Deeply. Can't not care about someone after all we've been through. But it's not purely platonic. We sleep so close together that I'm sure he can feel my heartbeat at his back, and I can feel each and every breath he takes rise and fall beneath my hands. You can't tell me that's just friendship. Or brotherhood. Shit. I guess this is what people mean when they talk about being in love with someone. Actually in love with them so much you only feel complete when you're with them.
Shit. Who'd have thought a womanizing jackass like me would fall in love with a guy.
I kiss his shoulder once more. Not that I'm complaining.