TITLE: Nirvana

AUTHOR: Eyes of Shinigami



TIMELINE: Post Journey

SUMMARY: Sanzo contemplates what exactly entitles one to reaching 'nirvana'. Response to punkwolf39's challenge "Write a 39 story, 2000 words or more and using the concept of or the word 'nirvana'" Hope you like it, Wolf-chan!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Saiyuki or any of its characters. Those belong to the great and all-powerful Kazuya Minekura. I do stake claim on this story, though.




            The past week had, quite possibly, been the worst week that Sanzo had endured in a very long time. Preaching and being away from his lover were the two worst things he could think of, and the past seven days had been nothing but. If he had to speak to another monk about anything religion-related, he was going to go ballistic.

            "Sanzo-sama! You're back! You-" the monk he left in charge simpered at him, but the click of the hammer on his now brandished gun was the priest's only reply. He was not in the mood for this shit; he had too much on his mind as it was. The whole lecture had been on reaching enlightenment and reincarnation, two subjects that were still touchy with the blond. Having had his memories of Heaven returned to him when Kanzeon announced that their debt to Heaven had been repaid, the whole idea of reincarnation and enlightenment was not one that appealed to him. All he wanted was to collapse in bed and cuddle with Goku, even if he would never voice such a wish aloud.

            "Leave me alone. Go polish a relic or make offerings or something." The weary monk stalked past the flabbergasted man without another word, looking up only to open the door to the bedroom he shared with the golden-eyed boy.

            He was not at all surprised to see Goku lounging on the bed in nothing but a pair of thin boxer shorts, but he was surprised to see the young man thoroughly absorbed in the book resting in his lap. At the sound of the door closing, Goku's head jerked up and he offered his lover a dazzling smile. "Hey. Welcome back."

            Sanzo tried to be annoyed at his chipper greeting, but he found that he couldn't muster the energy. Instead, he smiled very slightly in return. "You don't know the half of it." The monk barely registered shrugging off his robes and peeling off his leathers, leaving him clad only in his jeans as he crawled into the bed. Warm arms welcomed him, finding his head cradled against the soft skin of Goku's abdomen as the boy went back to his book.

            After a moment, Sanzo was startled when the younger man's voice broke through the peaceful silence that had settled over them. "What's on your mind? Did something happen?" Damn monkey and his innate ability to read his mind.

            "Just . . .tired," he answered automatically, but when his gaze met frowning gold he caved. When was it that this annoying brat of a monkey had penetrated his defenses so effortlessly? He had killed men for less than that. "The lecture, monkey. The lecture I gave on this damn trip."

            "The one on enlightenment and reincarnation?" Goku queried, the realization dawning on him after a moment. He combed tan fingers through blond locks to soothe the monk, laying his book aside with the other. "What about it?"

            Suddenly uncomfortable with the subject, he sat up and disentangled himself from his lover's grasp. "Think about it. All this talk about reincarnation and death, it just got me thinking. What's going to happen if I die, Goku? Do you ever think about that?" His voice was harsher than he intended, but it wasn't easy for him to open up, even to his lover. It wasn't until their final battle with Gyumaoh did the blond realize how disastrous it could be to stay closed off, confronted with the possibility of losing the boy he had come to love and the two friends he had come to appreciate. It had taken him nearly two years after that to come this far as it was.

            Goku made no move to embrace him again, but instead met his eyes with an unwavering intensity that made Sanzo's breath catch and sudden arousal spike in his groin. "Simple. I would wait for you, just like I did before. We're meant to be together, Sanzo. No matter how many lifetimes we cross, we'll always find each other. Gojyo, Hakkai, you, me…we'll always find each other. Just trust me, okay?" A reassuring smile blossomed on his face then, and the knot that had been forming steadily in the blond's chest loosened.

            "Stupid monkey," was all he muttered before surging forward and capturing Goku's lips with his own. He swallowed the moan the action produced, his weariness forgotten in the sudden desire to absolutely devour his lover. He pushed the squirming body beneath him down onto the bed, one hand pining Goku's wrists above his head and the other trailing up and down the other's side. He could feel the younger man's pulsing arousal against the bare skin of his stomach through the thin fabric, making his own throb in response. He wanted to rip the offending cloth away, but something told him to take it slow. Goku deserved that much, he thought. When the need for oxygen overrode their need to practically tongue-fuck one another, Sanzo leaned down and whispered, "When did you get so smart?"

            A keening whine was his reply, as the priest had chosen that moment to slip his hand inside the other's boxers and squeeze his growing erection. "S-Sanzo…please…w-want you…" the brunet panted, arching off the bed when the blond flicked his wrist to wring more sounds out of him.

            "I suppose…" With that, Sanzo smirked and trailed hot kisses down the length of his lover's toned torso, stopping once to play with dusky nipples that perked immediately to attention at the touch. He laved each one lovingly with his tongue, continuing his quest until he reached the band of the boxer shorts. With a practiced motion, he got them off and was soon faced with an all-too familiar vision; Goku's heaving chest dotted with the evidence of Sanzo's careful attentions melding perfectly with his flushed cock curved against the swell of his belly. The priest couldn't have asked for a more alluring sight. He bit back the moan in his own throat as he leaned down to take his lover's arousal into his mouth. He relished the salty taste on his tongue, mixed with the musky flavor that was uniquely Goku. He descended slowly, tongue tracing the thick vein on the underside of the brunet's shaft as his hand stroked what little wasn't in his mouth.

            "Ooooh…" Goku moaned in response, fingers twining in the blond's hair as his hips surged forward until he was practically fucking Sanzo's mouth. Not that the blond minded, moaning around the quivering flesh in his mouth, the vibrations making Goku buck even harder. It wasn't long until Sanzo could feel his lover teetering on the edge of release and he pulled back. It was too soon for him to climax. The brunet whimpered at the loss, golden eyes clouded with arousal pleading with Sanzo to hurry up. "Sanzo…please…"

            Sanzo didn't have it in him to deny his beautiful lover his request, reaching over to their bedside table to retrieve the ever-present bottle of lube. He nearly dropped it when cool, playful hands unbuttoned his jeans and reached inside, hissing when he felt familiar hands fingering his cock expertly just enough to tease. When he returned to his original position, he allowed Goku to divest him of his jeans, smirking when he heard the other mutter something about 'troublesome pants.' Now as naked as his lover, he doused his fingers with a liberal amount of lube before pushing one finger into the brunet's entrance. Goku wailed in a mix of pleasure and pain, forgotten soon when Sanzo took his shaft back into his mouth to resume his former activity. Keeping his hand wrapped firmly around his base to prevent his younger lover from coming too soon, the blond continued to orally please his lover while he carefully stretched him. Soon, he had three fingers scissoring in and out with a steady rhythm, keeping in time with his ministrations that had Goku arching off the bed and moaning continuously. Vaguely, the priest wondered if they'd attracted any attention, but he doubted that they would be disturbed. Let those old monks deal with it.

            "I'm…r-ready," Goku insisted, bringing Sanzo eye level to him and crushing their lips together. Again, Sanzo couldn't deny the brunet his request, removing his fingers and sitting back for a moment to let his younger lover get him ready. Goku immediately took action when they separated, coating the priest's erection with lube and laying back once he was finished. A fine layer of sweat covered Goku's tanned skin, shining like polished bronze that clashed with the luminous gold of his eyes.

            Sanzo spread the brunet's legs to give himself better access, pressing the head of his cock against the prepared entrance. "Good," was all he said, words forceful where his actions were not. He pushed slowly into his lover, giving the younger man a chance to adjust to the pressure and the intrusion. Goku was beyond caring, moaning continuously as he was penetrated before pushing up and impaling himself completely on Sanzo's erection. A shudder wracked both bodies, but the blond made no move to thrust yet. When Goku began to slowly rock his hips, only then did the older man begin to move.

            Laying his lover on his back once more, Sanzo began to thrust hard and slow into the willing body beneath him, leaning on his forearms for a better angle. Every thrust brushed against the spot in Goku's body that made him groan with satisfaction, his blunt nails digging into the flesh of Sanzo's back. "S-Sanzo, oh gods, Sanzo…" the brunet whimpered, meeting Sanzo's thrusts with an equally zealous one of his own. They found their rhythm, and even in the heat of sex Goku's words came back to him. "We're meant to be, Sanzo." This drove the monk on, determined to make his lover cry out as loud as possible. His hand snaked between their sweaty bodies and grasped his lover's cock, slick with his own precum. The younger man moaned throatily at the dual pleasure being dealt to him and grasped more tightly to Sanzo than before. "Make m-me c-cum…"

            The blond drove into his lover as hard as he could, stroking his lover's arousal in time with the thrusts. He crushed their lips together in a desperate kiss, with Goku sucking greedily on the priest's tongue as it was thrust into his mouth. Sanzo moaned at that, feeling the pleasure in his body coiling low in his belly. Suddenly, Goku ripped their mouths apart and cried out, spilling his seed out over the other's hand as his body shuddered in orgasm. Sanzo groaned at the sudden clamping down of Goku's muscles around his cock, triggering his own release deep into the body of his lover. The two shuddered and writhed together for a long moment, stilling when the pleasure became too much.

            "I missed you," Goku murmured against the priest's shoulder, keeping his ankles locked tightly together where his legs had wrapped around Sanzo's waist. They shared another kiss, sweet and gentle where the others had been desperate and lust-filled. When they broke apart, Sanzo ran a hand down Goku's thigh to coax his lover to relax, sliding out with a pleased sigh before falling back onto the bed and pulling Goku closer to him.

            Soon, the sound of even breathing filled the formerly silent room, but Sanzo was too sated to be annoyed. Rather, it soothed him and reminded him that his lover was close by. Then, it dawned on him; he didn't need to bother about reincarnation and achieving enlightenment. It was inevitable that he would die, but Goku was right. They would always find each other, no matter what the circumstances that would come across. Of course, he kept this epiphany to himself, figuring that it would be better than having to hear the monkey tell him that he told him so. Besides, he had his own personal version of nirvana right here. The warmth of his lover's body cradled against him, the steady rhythm of his heart against the monk's chest, and the sound of his deep breathing was nothing short of Heaven for Sanzo.

            There was no way it could get better than this.



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