Author: Car Jack

Title: A Learning Experience
Chapter: One - Likely Kill Me Afterwards
Pairings: Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: NC-17
Status - In Progress

Disclosure: I do not own Saiyuki or any of its characters.

Likely Kill Me Afterwards

The crinkling sound of weak aluminum crumpling in his fist was fairly quiet over the din of the bar. He clenched his fist around the can viciously, watching as the metal warped and twisted around his hand and almost relishing the sharp pain of the torn points scrapping against the thick calluses on his fingers. He squeezed tighter and the metal poked deeper into the calluses, giving him a small feeling of gratification before he relaxed his hand and let the can drop.

Gojyo wanted to get laid. He'd entered this bar fully intending to find himself a lady to spend a night filled with steamy hot passion and scratch this damned itch he had. Weeks have gone by. No, MONTHS, since he's had any. The satisfaction he felt at mutilating the beer can evaporated in the face of his pathetic love life. Gods forbid what the others would say if they were to find out – he'd never live it down. Especially if they were to find out how many nights he spent just drinking and wandering the towns they stayed over in rather than in the bed of a woman like he let the others believe.

How pathetic.

He stared down at the tiny pools of beer left from his crushed can that had dripped out of the rips and tears in the fragile metal. His finger streaked channels through the liquid as he thought about what he wanted. He loved soft curves and soft voices and soft lips. He loved one night stands where he learned about the lady's pleasure points and the timber of her moans but not about any issues or baggage she may have. He sighed and called the barkeep over, changing his order from beer to whiskey and leave the bottle, if you please.

The barkeep working seemed as worn and rustic as the bar was, knotty and worn smooth in spots. The knuckles of his hands were enlarged, reminding the hanyou of bamboo twigs, as the man set the bottle and a shot glass down in front of him. With a nod of thanks, Gojyo opened the bottle and poured himself a shot, quickly throwing it back and pouring another.

The few women here that Gojyo eyed were so unappealing that the halfbreed was ready to call it a night after only an hour and a half. A grimace marred his face as he had to admit that a few months ago that would not have been the case. Any of these women would have had him heaping on the charm.

Well, any of them except the one that had approached him twice. He couldn't see anyone trying to heap on anything for her, except perhaps a heaping of horrific denial. However, not being a sadistic blonde haired monk, he couldn't just tell her that. But she wasn't what had him worked up in disgusted frustration.

Realizing that he envied Sanzo's disregard for other's feelings made him, well, disgusted with himself even more than he was now so he stood up from the bar and threw down what he owed for the drinks. Grabbing the bottle of whiskey he turned to leave.

"You're leaving?" The husky voice turned his head to the stool two over from his own. "Don't go yet. Join me for a drink." Green eyes looked up into his own and for a moment Gojyo was caught, almost able to imagine he was someone else. He was tempted to accept the sultry invitation in the man's orbs and in the curve of his lips. In a flash, thoughts of a gentle voice camouflaging a hard mean streak rained down over his mind and a stirring threatened to tighten his jeans. He looked thoroughly on the man staring at him and he knew he wasn't the one he wanted.

The man he wanted.

He was so sick.

Curling his lip in a sneer that would do a certain monk proud, he turned his back and walked out of the bar and back to the inn. His mood descended even lower. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew what it was – who it was - he wanted.

Oh, yea. He was such a sick pervert.


Hakkai laid out his toiletries in the room he was to share with Gojyo as he prepared for his shower. The long day driving through the desert left him feeling grimy and right now all he wanted was a hot shower then bed. Well, perhaps that wasn't all that he wanted it was all he would get. It would have to be enough.

He carefully folded his clothes as he removed each piece, placing those that he would wear tomorrow neatly on the dresser and placed his underclothes in a small laundry bag he kept in his bag. He'd hoped Sanzo would stay long enough for them to wash their dirty clothes but the monk was determined to leave at first light. He sighed as he pulled his pajamas from his bag and walked naked into the bathroom, at least glad they had managed to get rooms with their own baths.

The bathroom was cramped with the tub and shower on the left and the sink and toilet on the right. Dropping the toilet lid down, he set his pajamas on top. The vanity made a play of elegance in that it tried to imitate real marble but it fell far short. Not all of the small white mosaic tiles on the floor were attached, as Hakkai found out when two stayed stuck to the bottom of his foot when he stepped forward. He carefully placed them back where they belonged before laying the floor mat down on top of them and turned on the shower.

Stepping under the hot spray of water with a sigh of pleasure, Hakkai simply stood there for a minute or two, letting the water soak into his hair and down his body. His back to the spray nozzle, he bowed his head so the water could beat down on the base of his head, almost as good as fingers working over the tight muscles and joints with the wet heat soaking in. He carefully rolled his head, hearing the pops and cracks of his neck loosening up after the long day behind the wheel. Finally, he turned and picked up the bottle of shampoo the inn provided and gave it a tentative sniff. Deciding its fragrance wasn't too bad, he squirted some into his palm and lathered up his hair. His thoughts drifted to dinner earlier.

Gojyo had been unusually quiet during the meal, barely bickering with Goku at all. Sanzo pretended not to notice but Goku was starting to demand to know if Gojyo was sick by the time dinner ended. To be honest, at the time Hakkai was beginning to wonder the same thing. However, rather than going up to their room to rest, Gojyo had declared that he was going out looking for female companionship. Not quite in those words but his point was clear.


When had he started wishing for more from his friend? Water rinsed the shampoo from his hair as images of red impish eyes and a mouth lifted in a roguish grin. He picked up the bar of soap and lathered his body, his hands sliding over his slick skin and he turned around so the stream of water flowed down his back. He owed Gojyo so much, more than he could ever repay. Gojyo gave him his life. Granted, it was Sanzo who spoke to the Sanbushin on his behalf but it was Gojyo who refused to let him, a perfect stranger, die that rainy night three years ago. How could he ask for more after all that he had already been given? He couldn't. He never will.

Closing his eyes, he ran his fingertips down his chest and one hand wrapped around his semi-erect sex, beginning a slow rhythmic pumping motion. In the privacy of the shower, with no one else to see, he could have this. In his mind, it wasn't his hand gripping his cock and bringing it to hard arousal. In his mind, it wasn't trails of water running down his body. In his mind, Gojyo's hand pulled and twisted his shaft and it was Gojyo's mouth that ran wetly over his skin. The hot water quickly rinsed the soap off his hotter body as Hakkai fisted his now fat engorged cock, quiet sounds of pleasure seeping from his throat. He pressed his other hand against the tile surround of the shower for balance and leverage.

The sound of a door closing snapped his eyes open and all thoughts of a pleasing private moment of pleasure vanished as Hakkai grabbed a towel from the metal towel shelf in the shower stall and wrapped it around his waist, stepping from the tub still dripping and without turning off the water. He didn't care if he was soaking wet, he just didn't want to be completely naked as he faced any intruders. Approaching the ajar door leading into the main room, Hakkai readied a ball of chi.

"Yo! Hakkai!" Gojyo's voice straightened Hakkai's back and dissipated the glowing ball. "It's only me. Finish your shower."


Glad the red head couldn't see the red flush flooding his face, neck, and chest, Hakkai's eyes swept over the walls and floor of the bathroom in embarrassment. "Oh! It's alright." He almost reached out to close the door but worried it would seem odd considering that they had lived together for all these years so he simply backed away from the door. "I was almost done in any case."

He was so disconcerted about Gojyo being back so soon, it wasn't until he pulled away the towel from around his waist that he realized that he still sported one whopper of a boner. Not something his pajamas were going to cover very well.


"I'll be out in a few minutes." Quickly he grabbed another towel and began scrubbing the moisture from his hair and body. Tossing the towels aside, he snapped up his pajama bottoms and stuffed his feet into the legs, jerking the waistband up over his hips as the cotton fabric seemed to snag on the dampness his skin still carried. Pulling his top over his head, and dealing with the same damp snagging, he wondered about the womanizer being back so soon. Did he get into trouble? He stopped his movements and closed his eyes, breathing deeply to calm himself.

A few seconds later, his eyes opened and he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. At the rigid bulge of his erection outlined by cotton pajama bottoms. He pressed his hand against the bulge, a shudder passing through him at the contact. What was he going to do about this? He couldn't leave the bathroom in this state and he really didn't want to be jerking off with the object of what he was fantasizing about just on the other side of the door. What to do?

Suddenly he realized that the shower was still running. How could he have been oblivious to that? But this could buy him some time. He quickly stood and shut off the water from the shower and after and moment of silence, he turned on the faucet of the sink. He knew this would only give him a minute or two, but any extra time was welcome. He sat down on the toilet seat lid and thought.

Gojyo must be sick, why else would he be back so early?

He took a deep slow breath.

Gojyo needed him. Gojyo was likely ill.

Another breath.

Probably ill. In need. Helpless.

His thoughts tried to turn to things not of the healer persuasion but of the perverse persuasion. Hakkai opened his eyes and looked down at himself. Shit. He was still hard.

And now, here Gojyo was back to their room while it was still early. He must be feeling ill. Shit.

Huffing an exasperated breath, he stood to shut off the sink faucet and his eyes suddenly fell upon the motel robe that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. A desperate grab had the robe in his hands and around his shoulders. Thrusting his arms through the sleeves and tying the belt, he took another look in the mirror.

Much better. The robe did a very nice job of covering his arousal until it went away on its own. Smoothing his face into its usual calm expression, he opened the door and walked into the main room. He saw Gojyo sitting at the small table in the corner drinking from a bottle of whiskey.

"Gojyo…?" His red headed roommate ignored him as he poured another cup. Hakkai paused before entering the main room, his back to the door frame. He wasn't sick, something was bothering him. "Gojyo, what's wrong?"

Red eyes, sparkling with the beauty of rubies, finally turned to look at him. "What makes you think there's something wrong?" he asked.

"I know you, Gojyo. I can tell when you're bothered by something."

The redhead sighed, "You think you know me?"

"Of coarse I do. We've been together for a long time."

The sound of Gojyo's chair legs scrapping across the wood floor jarred loud in the room. Hakkai's emerald eyes watched his friend pull himself to his feet and cross the distance to where he stood. Something about Gojyo's eyes and the look on his face raised Hakkai's concern and he reached out to him, "Gojyo. What…?"

Gojyo reached out and clasped his hand around his, warm and callused, drawing it down to their sides. "Hakkai." His voice was lowered to a tempo the green-eyed demon had never heard before.

"What is it, Gojyo?" Hakkai was alarmed at Gojyo's actions, beginning to think he was in serious trouble.

"Hakkai." He didn't let go of his hand as he stepped in close to him, "Hakkai, you know how impulsive I can be, ne?"

By now, Hakkai was becoming frightened at what could have happened. His body tensed up and his hand tightened on the half-demon's, "What is it? What have you done, Gojyo?"

"Nothing. Yet."

"Yet? What are you –?" Gojyo's other hand slapped against the wall next to Hakkai's head, cutting him off. His eyes widened and locked on Gojyo's predatory ones. When did they turn predatory? What was going on?

"I understand, Hakkai," he whispered. "I completely understand you will likely kill me afterwards."

"What -?!" again he was cut off, but this time from Gojyo's mouth closing over his own. His body hardened even more in shock at the feel of his friend's lips against his. Gojyo's lips played against his, walking softly and trying to coax a response. Hakkai could only stand unresponsive, his mind a white blank trying to process what was happening.

Gojyo was…

The fingers of Gojyo's right hand, the hand not holding his, trailed lightly along his jaw and down his neck.

Gojyo was…

His mouth dragged wetly along Hakkai's frozen lips, his breath moist and hot and smelling deeply of whiskey and cigarettes.

Gojyo was kissing him!

His body finally managed to come awake with a sharp jerk just as Gojyo broke the kiss. Stepping back, he released his hand and turned away from him. "Gomen…" The word seemed forced out of him, "Hakkai." Turned away from him and hanging his head towards the floor, the half demon didn't see Hakkai's shaking fingers touch his lips. "Gomen nasai."

"Gojyo… " The red headed demon didn't turn towards Hakkai's voice. He only hung his head lower and seemed to hunch into himself. Hakkai walked over to him, his bare feet making no sound on the planks of the floor. "Gojyo."

At the sound of Hakkai's voice directly behind him, Gojyo's shoulders went rock hard. He took a deep breath and swung around to face his best friend, prepared to face whatever Hakkai threw at him. His eyes were caught by emerald green gems, hesitant and gentle. Not angry and promising death. The difference in their heights had green eyes looking up into red.

"Talk to me, Gojyo. What brought this on?"

Gojyo's eyes slid away from his in obvious shame, and the human-turned-demon took a step closer. "Talk to me, Gojyo," he repeated, whispering.

Gojyo squeezed his eyes shut, letting Hakkai's soft voice flow over him. He was always so patient and understanding, Gojyo was never ever to believe this man could be the murderer that he was. How he must have loved his Kannan to do what he did, turning him into the demon he was now.

Hakkai came to stand at Gojyo's back. "Please, Gojyo."

The hanyou's shoulders rose up and lowered in a deep sigh before he seemed to brace himself. He unwillingly opened his eyes. Hakkai looked into red orbs, rubies hardened to face whatever came, but he could see the vulnerability laying underneath. He wanted to smile at his friend, to reassure him, but felt it would not go over well. And he didn't want it to look like he was forcing it, which he would have been.

Slowly, Gojyo's shoulders eased up. Bright rubies shading out to darker garnets. Or soft overripe cherries.

"I have no interest in men!" Gojyo denounced. Hakkai felt a corner of his mouth inch up a fraction. Red eyes narrowed a bit, "I've never had an interest in men." It was a force of will that the demon didn't let his smile grow any further. Gojyo sighed and red eyes broke from green ones. "Well… ah."

Gojyo tried to move away but Hakkai reached out and caught his arm, stopping him. He forced his face into a serious, understanding look and continued to hold onto Gojyo's arm. He hoped he understood what Gojyo was going through so his look would not seem faked at all but he found himself to be as uncertain as the hanyou looked.


"Hakkai…" Red hair swayed as Gojyo's eyes still shied away from Hakkai's green ones and again tried to move away.

Hakkai wasn't one to push. He never forced an issue. Well, except when Kannan… he shied away from the memory of his old lover and concentrated on Gojyo's beautiful, exotic eyes. Here was something he needed to push for. He needed to know.

"Hakkai, I…" again Gojyo hesitated, "I have never been interested in men," he repeated. "Until you."

"Until me?" The demon's voice was barely above a whisper and the halfbreed's low timber echoed his.

"Until you."

Hakkai took the one step to close the distance between them and pressed his mouth against his best friend's. This time it was the hanyou who froze. Hakkai pressed both hands to the cheeks of the red head and held his head still as he trailed his tongue along the seam of his mouth.

A soft gasp opened the mouth and a wet tongue surged in, wrapping around the muscle it found inside.

Unaware of the hands that had reached out to grip his biceps and slide over to his shoulders and down his back, pulling him closer; Hakkai lost himself in the taste of Gojyo's mouth. He would have thought tobacco and sake to be unpleasant but the combo with the red head was intoxicating. As soon as he felt the tongue he was stroking respond to him, he slid his fingers from the skin of Gojyo's cheeks, his right fingers playing over the scars he felt, into the silky strands of fire red hair and pulling the hanyou's head harder to him. It felt a bit odd to embrace a body slightly taller than his but he adjusted easily.

A brief tongue struggle began a wrestling match before Hakkai conceded, accepting Gojyo's dominance, for tonight. The half demon pressed his body against the wall, blanketing him with his own body. The red head's tongue was as flexible and enticing as any woman's. The slight stubble on his cheeks only accentuated that fact that it was Gojyo kissing him. As he hadn't shaved since this morning, he knew he must also have stubble that scraped.

The kiss was broken as they both rose up for air. Panting, their bodies moved restlessly against each other, hard and aroused against hard and aroused.

"Gods, Hakkai!" Gojyo's breath was hot and humid against his ear. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to regain some semblance of control.

"Gojyo… " Hakkai heard his voice sounding soft and yielding. He was ok with that.

Gojyo's body was pressed tightly to him and he could feel the hanyou's erection poking into his hip and his heart rapping against his chest. "Hakkai… " he breathed into his throat. "I … have to confess, … I'm really not … sure … how to go about this."

Hakkai thought about this for a moment. "Well," he finally whispered back. "I'm confident we'll be able to figure it out."


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