Email: kappa5335 [at] gmail [.] com
Word Count: 14,500
Summary: Each one of us makes a hundred decisions a day. Gojyo makes a single one that has far reaching consequences for the entire ikkou.
Warnings: Non-con. Bloodplay, rough sex, emotional and physical pain. Possession and forcing one's will on another. Character death. You were warned!
Disclaimer: Saiyuki does not belong to me, unfortunately, but to Minekura Kazuya. I wish they were mine, alas.
Author's notes: For jedishampoo's
birthday. Beta'd by the lovely sharpeslass.
This was hard at times, but I learnt a lot while writing this ;)
Despite the fact it was balls-fucking-freezing and he was ankle deep in snow, Gojyo had to admit the view was beautiful. The snow-light bathed everything with an ethereal, pale-blue glow, turning the mountains in the distance into shadowy peaks and the frozen river before them into a wide ribbon of silvery-white ice.
"Fuck." Sanzo chewed out the swearword from around his cigarette, effectively spoiling the mood.
"It's clear we cannot travel any further this evening, Sanzo," Hakkai said in his reasonable voice, stating the obvious. "We should find shelter as quickly as possible; it could snow at any moment. It looks like it snows here a lot," he added as an afterthought.
"The villagers said there was a bridge." Sanzo was determined to push the point and Gojyo reckoned any second he was going to start on about getting sidetracked: all the usual stuff he spouted when he was pissed off and there was nothing he could do about it.
Gojyo lit a cigarette and watched the smoke drift skyward. "So, what – the villagers don't come up here often or something? How the fuck do you lose a bridge? And why can't we drive Jeep across the ice; it looks thick enough, yeah?"
Hakkai turned his frown on Gojyo. "We could cross tonight but I think we should wait until tomorrow. I don't want to risk Jeep on the ice. Perhaps we can ask the person who owns that hut if we can shelter there for the night."
Gojyo hadn't noticed the small fishing-shack nestled between the track and the rising hills that flanked the river. "Looks deserted, man," Gojyo pointed out.
"Still, it's the only shelter available." Hakkai had made his mind up and nothing was going to deter him at this point.
"Can we eat soon? I'm hungry," Goku chimed in, true to form.
"Once we get inside, Goku." Hakkai was already walking toward the hut, leaving everyone else to follow as they chose. It was that or freeze or death.
Gojyo shrugged at Goku and then ruffled his hair above the limiter. "Let's go, monkey."
"I'm not a monkey, ya crap-head water sprite!"
"Idiots." Sanzo strode past both of them, his cloak wrapped around him like a blanket. The only part of him that was visible was Sanzo's nose and the end of his cigarette, which was a shame. Covered up like that, Gojyo couldn't even see Sanzo's pert little ass, let alone get his hands on it. Damn. Some days, life just sucked.
Gojyo lay down and wrapped himself in one of the spare blankets. The hut was deserted, just as Gojyo had assumed, with no sign of any recent activity. It was a small, utilitarian fishing-shack, barely big enough for four people to sleep in, but it was weatherproof, which was all that mattered. While Hakkai had prepared what supplies they had for dinner, the wind had picked up and then it had started to snow in earnest. With the snow came a weird twilight of sorts, not quite darkness but not light either. The world around them had grown quiet, muffled by the falling snow, which suffocated any sounds in the distance. After a few hands of poker there hadn't been much else to do, so Hakkai had said he was going to bed. That, of course, meant everyone else had to go to bed too, since there wasn't anywhere else to go.
Gojyo rested his head on his arm and watched Sanzo sleep. They were laid out like sardines in a tin, leaving very little room to move. The wind rattled loudly under the eaves and Gojyo wondered if they'd wake up to find the roof gone.
Hakkai sighed in his sleep and Goku began to snore, causing Gojyo to roll his eyes and mutter quiet profanities at the ceiling. Sanzo had his eyes shut but was too silent to actually be asleep. Carefully, Gojyo reached out and touched his fingers to a strand of Sanzo's hair, which was about the only part of him visible under the blanket, apart from his eyes. When Sanzo didn't react, Gojyo grinned to himself and pulled gently.
After a moment, Sanzo opened his eyes and leveled a glare at Gojyo, designed to freeze anyone in their tracks. "What are you doing, idiot?" Sanzo hissed quietly.
"Do you want to die?"
Gojyo knew Sanzo was bluffing, that the threat was all for show. Gojyo bet Sanzo was rock-hard under that blanket, despite his pissy attitude. It was just the type of situation that got Sanzo all riled up: semi public fucking with a high chance of discovery. Hell, the thought of Sanzo all horny just pressed all of Gojyo's buttons and then some.
Carefully, Gojyo scooted closer and slipped a hand under Sanzo's blanket. Sanzo was wearing far too many layers but that had never stopped Gojyo before and a little thing like that wasn't going to stop him now. He slid his hand through the gap in Sanzo's robe, and between his legs, which Sanzo had helpfully parted. He ran his hand gently upward and over his jeans, until his palm rested against Sanzo's balls. He pressed his thumb over the bulge of Sanzo's jeans with a teasing touch, enjoying the way Sanzo's breath quietly hitched. Gojyo leaned in and gently kissed Sanzo once, butterfly light, across his lips. When Sanzo opened his mouth, Gojyo slipped his tongue inside to explore. After a moment he pulled back, waiting for Sanzo to make his mind up. Sometimes Sanzo would cooperate, or appear to and suddenly change his mind.
This time it was Gojyo's lucky night; Sanzo made a small noise of disagreement when Gojyo pulled back. Sanzo leaned forward and kissed him in return, slipping Gojyo the tongue this time, making a little noise of pleasure at the kiss. Gojyo took that to be an open invitation and scooted closer still, until he could slip his leg between Sanzo's. He gave himself over to the pleasure of exploring Sanzo's mouth and lips, not in any particular hurry, despite the high chance of discovery. The rattle of the windows and the wind under the eaves should cover any stray noises, he reckoned with a grin.
"What are you smiling about?" Sanzo whispered. He sounded somewhat breathless. If that was just from being kissed, Gojyo knew he was in for one hell of a reaction if he could pull off what he planned, successfully, without waking either Goku or Hakkai.
"Don't move," Gojyo whispered back.
Gojyo slipped fully under Sanzo's blanket and, with a final kiss of Sanzo's lips, slid down until he was level with Sanzo's waist. He grinned again and began to undo Sanzo's robe and belt.
"Don't you dare," Sanzo muttered. His hands tried to bat away Gojyo's fingers, which were engaged in undoing the incredibly annoying knot in Sanzo's belt. Sanzo's protest died a quick death when Gojyo got the robe open and was able to slide his hands under Sanzo's top and along the waistband of his jeans. He placed a kiss on Sanzo's stomach, enjoying the way the monk's muscles tightened at his touch. Gojyo ran his palm up the front of Sanzo's jeans and undid the buttons, freeing his erection.
He looked up, surprised to see Sanzo looking down at him. "Wanna watch, Sanzo?" he asked. "Fine with me." Exactly how much Sanzo would be able to see in the dark was debatable, but he'd sure be able to feel what he was about to do.
Gojyo wrapped his fingers around Sanzo's cock and gave it a couple of strokes. Sanzo was rock-hard and he thrust his hips forward in silent encouragement. Gojyo bent his neck and gently sucked the head of Sanzo's cock before backing off and running his tongue over it. Sanzo's hand tangled in Gojyo's hair and his fingers tightened against his scalp, as he took Sanzo's erection into his mouth. He heard Sanzo's breath hitch again and Gojyo began taking long, deep strokes around Sanzo's cock, teasingly slowly, in a move designed to blow Sanzo's fuses.
Hakkai sighed again in his sleep and Sanzo froze, his fingers digging into Gojyo's scalp, obviously turned on by the potential danger of discovery. Gojyo could taste the slightly salty and bitter pre-come on his tongue and felt Sanzo grow harder. He swallowed Sanzo down until he could feel him at the back of his throat; his nose pressed into the fine hair at the base of Sanzo's cock. Sanzo moaned and began to move his hips in tiny, shallow thrusts, not daring any more in case the movement woke anyone up. Gojyo wrapped his fingers around the base of Sanzo's cock, forming a tight ring, and then swallowed again. Sanzo made a strangled sound and, for once, Gojyo was glad of the storm and the sounds of ice and sleet hammering on the small window, camouflaging his cry. Sanzo's fingers dug into his hair and Gojyo closed his eyes against the prickling pain, waiting until the monk relaxed his grip.
When Gojyo was sure Sanzo had backed off from imminent release, he let Sanzo's cock drop from his mouth and scooted back up to eye level. He admired the flushed and slightly desperate look on Sanzo's face. "I wanna watch you come," he whispered in explanation.
"Fuck, you bastard," Sanzo panted. At the same time his fingers were fumbling for Gojyo's zipper. Gojyo loved it when Sanzo got all demanding and desperate.
It was Gojyo's turn to bite back a groan when Sanzo's fingers wrapped around his dick and began stroking him at the same rhythm Gojyo was using on his cock. Slightly teasing touches lightly ghosted over heated, velvety-soft skin. Gojyo slid his leg between Sanzo's knees and leaned in for another kiss. He began to stroke Sanzo with a firmer touch and moaned when he felt Sanzo return the favor. Fuck, he wasn't going to last long. It was a good job he didn't dare move his hips, or this would be over way too fast.
Gojyo pulled back from the demanding kiss and locked eyes with Sanzo. Sanzo fisted his cock again and added a twist when he reached the base of Gojyo's erection, making Gojyo's hips stutter at the sensation. He could feel Sanzo's warm breath against his cheek and Sanzo's eyes sparkled intensely with a combination of rising lust, heat and excitement.
Gojyo began to pick up speed, the teasing, slow pace a thing of the past. Sanzo's free hand tangled in Gojyo's shirt, twisting the material, as if all the passion he couldn't voice could be transmitted through that gesture alone. Gojyo groaned, unable to stop himself, and Goku grumbled in his sleep and turned over. Both of them froze, waiting for the inevitable, but Goku continued to sleep.
Letting out a sigh of relief, Gojyo began to move his hand again over Sanzo's erection. Sanzo was losing the rhythm as his body surrendered to his impending orgasm; his eyes narrowed and his head began to tip back, exposing his neck.
"Watch me come, Sanzo, please," Gojyo whispered. "Stay with me. Come with me."
Sanzo refocused on Gojyo, his gaze intense. His hips stuttered again, as he fought the need to thrust into Gojyo's fist, wanting to, but not daring to, risk the movement. It was heady, knowing Sanzo would come when he, Gojyo, wanted him to, and not before.
Sanzo squeezed Gojyo's dick and he bit his lip. "Fuck, Sanzo, I can't – "
"Come, Gojyo," Sanzo demanded.
Gojyo wondered briefly when Sanzo had gotten the upper hand, but then ceased questioning when he felt Sanzo's fingers tighten around his cock. It was enough for Gojyo, pushing him hard over the edge as his orgasm raced through him.
Gojyo fought to keep eye contact through the rush of pleasure; he watched Sanzo's pupils dilate at the same time he felt the blood rush through his cock, heard Sanzo's breath catch in his throat, and felt warmth as Sanzo came over his fingers in a sticky mess.
Gojyo's heart was racing a mile a minute, in tune with the storm and the wind outside. He gasped for breath, willed his body to calm and saw Sanzo struggling silently at the same time.
"Shit," he managed eventually. "We gotta try that again sometime; that was explosive."
"Hmm." Sanzo sounded like the cat that had got at the cream. Not that Gojyo was complaining.
He let go of Sanzo's softening penis and wiped his hand on his blanket, tucking Sanzo back in. Sanzo seemed reluctant to release his grip on Gojyo's shirt, so Gojyo took his hand in his, leaning in for a slow, sated kiss, tangling his fingers with Sanzo's. Gojyo thought he could probably spend years kissing Sanzo. His dick twitched, kind of interested in the thought of another round but Gojyo knew that would be pushing his luck.
He zipped up his jeans and pulled away, pleased at Sanzo's rumble of disagreement. "Coming out for a smoke, Sanzo?" he whispered.
"Crazy fucking kappa," Sanzo muttered. He sounded half asleep already. "It's snowing, idiot."
"Yeah, but it won't be too bad under the eaves."
"Gonna sleep." Yeah. Sanzo was already pretty much asleep already.
With a grin, Gojyo tucked the blanket back around Sanzo and carefully stood up, checking to see if anyone was awake. When he was sure his movement had gone unnoticed, he slipped along the wall until he reached the door and snuck outside, pulling the blanket tightly around him.
Once outside, Gojyo realized exactly what kind of cigarette-crazed idiot he was. It was fucking freezing and tiny, wind-driven ice pellets and snow stung the exposed skin of his face. His hair caught in the wind, blowing tendrils of red into the air and instantly tangling. With some effort, he finally got his smoke lit. Now he had it lit, he was damn well gonna stand out here and finish it, while enjoying his post-orgasmic haze.
Even though it was bitterly cold, the storm was still beautifully dangerous to watch. The snow reflected the light back up off the ground, making the night brighter than it normally would be. It was kinda creepy, he decided, taking a drag on his cigarette. The snow created eddies and swirls in the storm, forming nonsense patterns, moving vortexes in the wind. It was almost like - nah, that was stupid. But it was almost like he could see a figure in the storm, coming toward him.
Gojyo squinted into the night, trying to decide if he was crazy or not. No, there was a figure. Perhaps it was the absent fisherman, come back to claim his hut? Hakkai was gonna have to do some fast talking in a minute, if it was.
The figure appeared to be gliding through the snow, and Gojyo stared, convinced his mind was playing games with him. It became an obsession, trying to make out the figure's legs and feet. It couldn't be gliding, right? 'Cause that was fucking impossible.
The figure drew closer and now Gojyo could see it was male and had long, dark hair, whipped about by the wind, forming a halo around his head. The man also appeared to be naked, or deathly pale, or whatever. Gojyo felt a shiver chase down his spine and he felt weird and wasn't sure why. It was like his brain was telling him something was wrong even as his mind was shutting down.
Mesmerized, Gojyo watched the man approach; it appeared that the storm moved around him, rather than that he was moving through it. When he was a few feet away, he stopped. He really was beautiful, Gojyo decided. Ethereal, and, for once, it had nothing to do with the fact that the creature was naked. In spite of that, Gojyo couldn't help but look: to admire the pure whiteness of his skin, and how flawlessly smooth it was, how his penis nestled between his thighs, a pale shape against a thatch of dark hair, his balls just below. Gojyo watched in fascination as the man's penis grew hard and lengthened, and all thoughts of the storm left his mind.
The man reached out a pale hand and glided closer still, his hand parting Gojyo's blanket and coming to rest on his chest. The touch was like ice, yet Gojyo found himself leaning into the touch, yearning for the contact. The man leaned in too, his frozen breath tickling Gojyo's cheek. His voice was soft and deep and Gojyo found he was unable to move. He hadn't even noticed when his cigarette had dropped from his nerveless fingers into the snow.
"What are you? Who are you?" Gojyo finally managed to find his voice to ask.
The man laughed quietly, almost unheard above the violence of the storm. "You may call me Yuki-Akari," he replied.
"Snowlight?" Gojyo frowned in confusion. He was going to ask something else, but this Yuki had his hand pressed to the front of Gojyo's jeans, was slowly rubbing his palm back and forth across the denim.
The man hummed approvingly as Gojyo filled out and grew hard beneath his touch. Gojyo leaned back against the planking of the hut wall, his head coming to rest against the wood, his mind going strangely calm and blank. Yuki stepped closer and pressed his naked body against Gojyo's, his cold lips against Gojyo's neck. Gojyo couldn't move, perhaps didn't want to. He found himself arching toward Yuki's touch, letting the man do what he wanted.
Yuki's tongue was hot against his throat, as it traced down toward Gojyo's collarbone, and he sucked hard on the pulse point at the base of Gojyo's neck, even as his fingers undid his jeans and slid inside.
"You came already," Yuki breathed against his neck. He sounded disappointed.
Gojyo managed a groan of frustration as Yuki stroked his cock, coaxing him back to full hardness. Something in the back of Gojyo's mind was screaming, shouting that this was wrong – not just because of his feelings for Sanzo, but because the whole situation was twisted, that obviously his guard was down and… and… what? Suddenly he couldn't remember.
His fingers dug into the weathered planks behind him, and Gojyo arched into Yuki's touch. From a distance he could hear his own panting breaths and he knew he was close to coming again. Yuki wrapped his free hand around Gojyo's neck and breathed in his scent but Gojyo couldn't find the words or actions to disagree. The storm raged around him; the driven snow and ice pelted the exposed skin of his face and chilled his bones, yet he was going to come and that was all that mattered, right?
"Sanzo…" Gojyo's whisper cut through the storm and he felt Yuki stiffen, even as he pressed his cold skin against Gojyo's body.
Just before Gojyo came, he looked into Yuki's eyes and knew he was lost. Even as his mind fought against it, his body was reacting, thrusting into Yuki's insistent and skilled fingers. Yuki leaned forward, his lips parting and, even as Gojyo felt Yuki's lips upon his, his eyes were closing against a rushing of darkness and despair.
"Let me sleep, man." With a deep sigh, Gojyo rolled over and tried to ignore Hakkai. He was warm and outside was cold; so he should stay here, right?
"Gojyo? Sanzo wants to leave shortly, so you should get up." Hakkai was starting to sound annoyed.
"What the fuck?" Sanzo's shout of annoyance from outside was loud enough to be heard inside the hut.
"Oh dear," Hakkai said.
Gojyo heard the door open and close and ducked back under the blanket, trying to ignore the sunlight. He felt like he had a massive hangover and the longer he could remain in bed, the better. It took a few moments but eventually Gojyo cracked an eye open and sighed. Hang on – sunlight? Hadn't there been a fucking, great storm blowing through last night? Headache momentarily forgotten, Gojyo raised his head and immediately squinted at the bright light. He sat up and rubbed his face. What the hell had happened to the storm? It couldn't have blown itself out in a matter of hours, could it?
Gojyo got up, stretched and crossed to the bowl of water Hakkai had laid out for his use. His jeans felt sticky, no doubt from fucking around with Sanzo last night. Gojyo grinned even as he slipped his jeans and shirt off. He soaped up the cloth and had a quick wash, while he still had some privacy, half listening to Sanzo outside ranting at Hakkai and half thinking about Sanzo's sex-face as he came in Gojyo's hand. Hmm, Gojyo lived for moments like that, watching the passion in Sanzo's eyes: half-open with need, his eyelashes pale shadows against his cheeks as he closed them just before he came.
With a shake of his head to clear his thoughts, Gojyo finished washing and slipped on a fresh pair of jeans. He put his shirt and boots back on, all the while shivering at the chill in the cabin. It was sunny but the sun had no warmth, as if it was draining the heat from the air. Gojyo pulled his jacket on and went to fold the blanket, deciding, at the last minute, that if he was going outside to freeze his balls off again, he'd wear the extra layer to keep warm.
He opened the door and lit a smoke as he stepped outside. He instantly regretted it; the headache came back with a vengeance. He squinted at the sun and then turned toward the group, trying to follow the 'discussion' in progress. It had devolved into a barely-contained shouting match. Sanzo looked really pissed; Hakkai looked indignant; and Goku was (for once) patiently waiting to see who came out on top. Goku spotted Gojyo and ran over, cape flapping as he ran. It made him look like he was twelve, instead of the nineteen he actually was now.
"Hey, Gojyo, you can take the blanket off, ya know. It's nice out," he pointed out.
"It's still fucking freezing, you moron," Gojyo snapped. He felt like he was chilled from the inside out. His bones felt like they were aching deep inside, like he was gonna get sick any second now.
Goku made a face. "Okay, whatever. Hey, did ya see the river? It's like, all broken up and Jeep can't cross. Sanzo's having a fit 'cause we hafta go back to the village and take the long way round."
"Wha?" Gojyo took a drag on his cigarette and squinted toward the river in disbelief. The kid was so fucking with him and any second he was gonna get up the energy to give the monkey a good smack. He began to walk toward the shore line, keeping plenty of distance between himself and Sanzo and Hakkai. He wasn't gonna get roped into their little argument if he could help it.
Goku walked beside him, stopping a few feet from the water's edge. "Well?" Goku demanded smugly.
"Holy fuck, what happened?" The river was no longer frozen, in fact the current was flowing now, albeit slowly, like slick oil. The surface was covered with huge chunks of ice, broken branches, and all the accumulated debris of last night's storm. Even as they stood there watching, the air was rent with a huge cracking noise as the ice continued to break up along the shore. The current tore the ice free and it collided with an old tree on a small outcrop of rock. They watched with stunned expressions as the force of the ice ripped into the tree, its slow, inevitable pull tearing the wood away from the trunk, snapping the tree like kindling and pulling it into the river, where it disappeared beneath the muddy surface.
"Shit," Gojyo commented incredulously. "When did this happen?"
"Durin' the night," Goku replied in a slightly awed tone of voice. "When Hakkai got up it was all startin' to melt and the sky was clear."
For once Gojyo wasn't gonna argue with monkey boy. The more he took note of his surroundings, the weirder things looked. Most of the snow had simply disappeared from the ground and the earth was muddy, almost slushy in places with the runoff. The ice continued to break up with snapping noises, and there were huge piles of ice where the force of the river had been pushed it onto the shore.
"You attached to that blanket or something?" Sanzo said, startling Gojyo from his thoughts. Gojyo had been so surprised by the river he hadn't even noticed Sanzo and Hakkai come over to join them.
"This blanket holds fond memories, Sanzo-sama, I didn't wanna part with it," he quipped in return, enjoying the view as Sanzo tried to fight back the flush spreading across his cheeks.
"Moron." Sanzo looked toward the river and studied it intently, refusing to look at Gojyo again. Gojyo smirked.
"So… what's the plan?" Gojyo butted out his smoke under his boot heel, waiting for a decision.
Hakkai smiled frostily. "We have no choice but to return to the village, since the river is impassible. We will have to go around the mountain after all, which I had hoped to avoid."
"Tch, you and me both." Sanzo was still smarting from the fact that nature had refused to cooperate with his will. "This has set us back at least two days. Why didn't the fucking villagers mention the river might melt at any point?"
"I'm quite sure they had no idea, Sanzo."
Hakkai opened his mouth to continue, but Gojyo thought it was probably better to head things off now before they became serious. "Er, right. Should we get going then? Especially if we wanna make it back before it gets dark and my balls freeze off again."
He was gonna freeze to death before they reached the village; he knew it. Gojyo couldn't understand how the rest of the group could calmly sit there and act like nothing was out of the ordinary.
For the last hour, Gojyo had been feeling a nagging doubt at the back of his mind, an uneasy foreboding. He couldn't place it, but something wasn't right. He pulled the blanket more tightly around his shoulders and stared at the back of Sanzo's head, watching the fine strands of his golden hair move in the wind. He admired the clean line of Sanzo's neck, imagined running his tongue down toward Sanzo's collarbone, placing nipping and biting kisses along it. It should have turned him on; he should have felt lust but, instead, Gojyo felt guilt, and unease, and a disquiet he couldn't place.
The chill in his bones ached like fuck and he started to shiver with tiny, little tremors that wracked his body. He seriously hoped he wasn't coming down with the flu, because even a recent orgasm wouldn't stop Sanzo from freaking the fuck out if they had to spend more than one other night in that little shithole of a village again.
No, it wasn't just the thought of being ill, 'cause Gojyo hated being sick and weak and unable to cope. It was the nagging thought that he should be remembering something, that something was seriously wrong, and that if he could just remember what it was, he'd know how to fix it.
He slid down in the seat and spread his legs out to the side, pushing his boots against Goku's thigh. Instead of complaining or starting a fight, Goku looked at him oddly and shifted over, giving him space. That worried Gojyo more than he wanted to admit.
He must have slept, for a while, because the sun was starting to creep down toward the tree line now. There was no sign of snow here, or ice. There was no sign that this entire valley had been snowbound for the past who-knew-how-long. It was like spring had sprung, suddenly and without warning. Gojyo couldn't find the energy to care.
Added to the constant shivery ache in his body, Gojyo felt as if he was seeing double. No, that wasn't right. He felt like his brain was starting to disengage, his thinking had gotten sluggish; his reactions were slowing down…
"I still think this is unnatural, Sanzo." Hakkai was talking quietly, as if he was worried he might wake Gojyo. "This area has been snowbound for a long time. Look around us."
"What makes you say that?" Sanzo sounded grumpy.
"The grass, for a start." Gojyo could tell that Hakkai was warming to the subject, because he was starting to talk with more confidence and was speaking faster. Gojyo glanced out of Jeep, trying to catch sight of Hakkai's beloved grass.
"The grass is dead under the snow, Sanzo," Hakkai explained. "It's only late autumn, it shouldn't have snowed yet, and if this had been a one-off snowstorm, it wouldn't look yellow and starved for sunlight. The vegetation is blighted."
"It looks slimy and gross." Trust Goku to state the obvious in simple terms.
Sanzo sighed. "What the fuck do you expect me to do about it?"
"I'm simply saying it might be worth looking into, Sanzo."
"And waste another fucking couple of days? I'm not getting sidetracked yet again with more bullshit that isn't my problem. It's only my problem if it directly involves the mission." Sanzo's jaw audibly clicked shut, ending the conversation abruptly.
Gojyo shifted around in his seat, trying to focus. He felt like... like he was looking out of someone else's eyes. Like his body wasn't his own anymore. It was fucking disturbing as all get out. He held up a hand and wiggled his fingers, noting that it felt like he was looking through inch-thick glass at someone else's hand.
"Hey, the pervy kappa is awake!" Goku grinned, relief evident in his voice.
"Fuck off, monkey," he replied wearily. It almost hurt just finding the energy to get the words out.
Hakkai stopped the jeep, ignoring Sanzo's protest. He came around the side of the vehicle, so he was on eye-level with Gojyo, who remained hunched in his blanket. Gojyo watched Hakkai without speaking, felt his burning hot touch on his forehead as he laid his hand against Gojyo's skin.
"Oh my, Gojyo. You are freezing cold." Hakkai sounded worried.
"I told you I was freezing," Gojyo said tiredly. Making his mouth form words was becoming hard work. Something clenched in his gut, deep inside him, and he closed his eyes, trying to breathe through the wrenching pain.
"Gojyo?" Hakkai's burning fingers smoothed Gojyo's hair away from his forehead. His touch was usually soothing; now it burned like trails of fire.
"If it was flu, Gojyo would be feverish, Sanzo, not cold like this. We should get to the village as soon as possible. I'm worried." Hakkai's voice began to fade and a rushing sound in Gojyo's head blotted out everything else.
Gojyo crouched over, tearing his head from Hakkai's fingers, bending double over the seat. He began to pant, trying to breathe through the gnawing pain. Instead, it continued to twist inside him, like something alive, moving upward, following a snaking pattern up his spine, crossing over and over. It tore into his lungs and his heart, twisting at the base of his throat, until he didn't think he could even scream.
Hakkai's hands returned to Gojyo's head, but he was beyond seeing anything. He felt the burning pain of Hakkai's chi and something inside him trying to force it back out - to prevent it spreading through his body. Gojyo felt the push as the energy inside of him fought back, and flung Hakkai's chi from his body with violent force. In the distance Gojyo could hear shouting, Goku asking questions in a raised and frightened voice, and Sanzo swearing in response. He sounded worried and that frightened Gojyo more than he cared to admit.
Gojyo gritted his teeth, feeling the guilt and pain return double. There was a flash in his mind, and then, a split second later, he remembered the man in the snow. Yuki-Akari. Snow-light, the age-old legend of the snow demon. The man, Yuki, had kissed him, had – had what? Cold fingers on his skin, around his cock. He could remember arching into his touch and then…nothing. Gojyo could remember nothing afterward. Panic rose inside him and Gojyo thought he was gonna puke.
The gnawing energy inside him twisted once more around his heart and the pain subsided to a dull ache. Panting, Gojyo squeezed his eyes shut and tried to ignore the presence that seemed to have seated itself in his mind. It laughed, sinuous and slick, and then it's consciousness burrowed forward, as if making a nest inside his skull. Gojyo could feel its roots spreading throughout his body, like tendrils. He clenched his fists and knew he had not willed it to happen, knew that he was now fighting for control of his body, was waging a silent, inner war.
[You've already lost, Gojyo-san. You lost when you kissed me last night. You took me willingly into your body, gave me your life-force to do with as I wished.]
Get the fuck out of my mind! I never gave you permission to do anything! Gojyo shouted back at the voice. The words never left his mouth; it was all in his head. He couldn't have spoken out loud if he had wanted to; he had no control over his physical body any longer.
The demon laughed at his torment. [You are perfect. A water demon, filled with lust, just like me, except I am of the storm and the ice, all things frozen. I took you for a human, another conquest, another soul to feed me through the night. I would have drained your energy and life-force with that kiss; instead I have your body, your strength, and your desire to feed on until you wither and die.]
The demon twisted again, shooting pain like blistering fire through Gojyo's nerve-endings, consuming everything in its wake. Gojyo cried out, the pain finally giving voice to his agony in the silent darkness of his mind.
"Go and lie down, Hakkai. You'll just make it worse."
Gojyo opened his eyes. For just a split second he was hopeful everything had been a bad dream. Despite the fact that the room was lit by lamplight, it was apparent they were back at the inn in the village they'd left yesterday morning. In fact, Gojyo recognized this room as being the same room Sanzo had used last time. It was one of the annex rooms belonging to the inn. He remembered that they had all enjoyed having separate rooms for once. Not that he'd spent any time in his own room; he could distinctly remember trying to fuck Sanzo through the very same mattress he was currently lying on.
Neither Sanzo nor Hakkai had noticed he was awake, which was fine with Gojyo. He wasn't sure what kind of reception he was going to get after the scene in Jeep earlier, or what it was that Yuki had done to Hakkai.
Hakkai was sitting in one of the chairs, his elbows resting on his knees, his head hanging down, shoulders hunched. His posture spoke of fatigue. "I'm worried that Gojyo simply won't wake up, Sanzo."
"And staying up another night is going to do what? It will only make you even more exhausted. I'll watch Gojyo tonight."
Okay, scratch that. He must have slept right through yesterday and now it was... tomorrow. Today, whatever.
Sanzo sauntered into view. Gojyo wanted to grin, but his body wouldn't cooperate. He smiled internally at the sight of Sanzo, with his wire-rim glasses on and the paper in one hand. His hair was scraped back into the tiny ponytail he sometimes wore. He looked dead sexy with his robes bunched around his waist and his silk top on, but oddly naked without his arm guards; it made him look different, more human and vulnerable, breakable. Gojyo's ever-present lust rose to the surface at the thought of having a protesting handful of bitchy, half-dressed monk in his arms...
The demon twisted in his gut, the sharp, lancing pain making Gojyo aware that it was still inside him. It was watching, listening to the conversation, using Gojyo's own senses to gather information.
Hakkai stood up. "I should try to heal him again. Obviously, just letting Gojyo rest isn't helping."
Sanzo rattled the paper and sat down in Hakkai's vacated seat. Gojyo wished he could have laughed at Sanzo's blasé disregard for the comfort of those around him.
"He won't accept the healing, Hakkai," Sanzo argued. "He completely drained your chi and then threw you clean across the road yesterday. You want to go through that again?"
"He's my friend, Sanzo. I have to try."
"What the fuck does that mean?" Sanzo was starting to bristle with indignation. There was a whole lot of unspoken conversation floating around the room suddenly. Gojyo realized Hakkai knew what was going on between them, and was reminding Sanzo that he wasn't the only one who cared for Gojyo, that friendship was just as important as... as screwing another friend into the mattress. Or something like that.
They continued to glare at each other for a moment, until Sanzo finally broke eye contact. "It's late. Get some rest and try again tomorrow."
"If you insist." Hakkai paused at the door, as if he had something else to say and was thinking things through before he said them. "Be careful, Sanzo. Something is not right. I'm worried for Gojyo."
Hakkai, don't leave, you idiot. If you can see something is wrong, say so! Quit being vague! Gojyo felt like he was bouncing off of the walls inside his own mind, a prisoner of his frustration.
Hakkai didn't move, his hand rested lightly on the door latch. Gojyo realized Hakkai had noticed he was awake; he wore an odd expression on his face as he met Gojyo's eyes. Finally Hakkai looked away. "Goodnight, Sanzo. Sleep well."
Gojyo couldn't believe Hakkai was actually going to leave. He could
see the doubt in Hakkai's eyes, the frown between his eyebrows. At first
he thought Hakkai was gonna fake Sanzo out and stay behind, but he really was
leaving. Fuck. For good measure, Gojyo threw himself at the
invisible walls keeping him trapped at the back of his head.
Don't leave me - him - alone with Sanzo! What if he tries to drain Sanzo of his energy like he did me? HAKKAI!
[Do you really think that's wise?] said Yuki in a reasonable tone. [What if Hakkai discovers you for what you are – what I am? He's a demon killer. How far will he go to protect Sanzo? If it came down to a choice between protecting your friendship or Sanzo's life, which would he choose, do you think?]
What? What kind of fucking question is that?
[A perfectly valid one.] Yuki laughed again. [You know he would choose the mission. But I think that you are scared to test your reasoning, aren't you, Gojyo-san? Does it terrify you that your best friend would choose your lover over you? Ah, I think it does.]
Gojyo threw himself at the barrier inside his mind again. His body didn't stir on the bed but at least he felt like he was doing something. The demon laughed, more loudly this time, and twisted around his heart again, sending that bone-deep, gnawing pain through his body.
[Don't fight me Gojyo-san; you'll only hurt your physical body, not me.]
Gojyo went still and suddenly realized he was a total idiot for not thinking things through properly. He felt his fingers twitch (well, the meta-thingy ones, meta...metaphysical, that was it) and a rush of chi enter his hand. He willed the shakujou to materialize; it was his weapon after all, with him until death. It should manifest, right? He clenched his fingers, but there was nothing. He had no control over his actual body, and his spirit and soul were trapped separately inside a cage in his head. He was fucked.
He heard Yuki laughing at him, the sound echoed in the vaults of his head and Gojyo wanted to scream his frustration aloud.
Sanzo was already turning the page of his paper as the door closed behind Hakkai. He pushed his glasses further up his nose so he could see better. Sanzo hadn't glanced toward Gojyo, so it was a surprise when he spoke. "How are you feeling?" Sanzo finally looked up at Gojyo.
Gojyo opened his mouth to speak, not sure if he even could. "Like shit." There, that was him, right? Had he said that, or was it that fucking demon? Giddy relief bubbled up inside Gojyo, mixed with hope.
"You look like shit." Sanzo's mouth twitched slightly, signaling a sort of smile. He put the paper to one side and reached for his smokes. God, Gojyo would fucking kill for some nicotine right this second. He watched Sanzo light the cigarette, hold it to his lips and take a pull. Gojyo imagined the smoke filling his own lungs, twisting through his insides, making him high.
There was an answering wrench from his insides. Fucking Yuki, with a not-so-subtle reminder he was still there.
Gojyo watched Sanzo smoke the entire cigarette. Sanzo seemed disinclined to speak and there was nothing Gojyo could do to force the conversation, since it was clear who was still in control of his body.
Sanzo butted out his smoke, grinding the filter into the ashtray. He stood up, undid his ponytail, removed his glasses and stretched. Gojyo took a moment to thank all the gods he could think of that he got to fuck Sanzo and, sometimes, even make love to him.
Gojyo could feel Yuki in his head, busily trying to sort through his memories of Sanzo. It was like being a living book, having your pages flipped and torn, the chapters read and graffiti carelessly scribbled in the margins. Suddenly he felt a distinct surge of triumph from the demon. What the fuck was that about? What had it found in his memories that would trigger such delight?
Get the fuck out of my head, demon.
[Why?] Yuki chuckled again. [You are interesting, Gojyo-san. I'm very jealous of your Sanzo, by the way. He seems... delicious.]
Okay, so now he was really freaked out. He knew Yuki was watching Sanzo with interest, could feel his body responding by proxy to the quickening lust coming from Yuki.
Sanzo turned the lamp down until it was almost dark, giving off a faint glow that made the shadows in the corners of the room feel rich, deep and velvety. He walked toward the bed and turned down the corner of the blanket, slipping in next to Gojyo. Gojyo caught a flash of pale skin and realized Sanzo was naked under his robe, that he had been the entire time. My naughty monk. He wanted to reach for Sanzo, tried to, but the fucking demon had his claws sunk deep into Gojyo and, unless the demon wanted him to move, he was screwed.
"Sanzo?" Gojyo jolted – that had definitely not been him. That was Yuki, using Gojyo's voice, trying out Sanzo's name, using his own tongue. Gojyo's voice sounded hoarse as the demon tested out the syllables. It sounded like Yuki was learning the word, becoming familiar with it. "Sanzo?" he said again.
Fuck, the bastard even managed to make it sound like he was begging, just by saying Sanzo's name.
Sanzo slipped his hand under Gojyo's head and pulled him closer, until Gojyo was leaning on his chest. Gojyo felt his eyes close as Sanzo ran his fingers through his hair.
"Like silk," Sanzo whispered softly.
Gojyo could still feel everything Sanzo was doing; he could hear Sanzo's heartbeat, feel his chest rise and fall beneath his cheek. He could feel his own body, cold against Sanzo's warm skin; feel himself getting hard from Sanzo carding his hands through his hair.
"Go to sleep, moron," Sanzo muttered, looking down at him.
Gojyo stared into Sanzo's eyes, felt his tongue come out to lick his lips and wet them, felt his hips shift against Sanzo's. It took him a split second to figure things out in his head. Oh holy shit, no. You are not going to fuck my monk in my body, you asshole, he shouted, trying to distract Yuki.
"Kiss me, Sanzo, warm me up. I'm cold."
What a fucking lame pick-up line. No, no and a whole fucking world of fucking no, demon. Wasn't I enough for you? Gojyo could feel the bitterness of the comment, like a bad aftertaste at the back of his throat.
[You were just enough, Gojyo-san,] purred the demon. [But your Sanzo is human, full of life, he can feed me. I can see what he is through your memories – hot to the touch and burning with holy energy.]
Sanzo was leaning down, pulling Gojyo to him, his lips parted in anticipation of a kiss. Lust coursed through Gojyo as soon as Sanzo touched his lips, tongue sliding between his teeth to tangle with Gojyo's.
The demon had the fucking balls to moan through Gojyo's mouth, using his voice. Gojyo's hands tightened around Sanzo's waist, pulling him closer. He slid his knee between Sanzo's legs and began to rock his hips, gently thrusting.
Gojyo was turned on, but it wasn't his body reacting anymore; he was a watcher, an observer of his own lust. He could feel everything, every roll of his hips and every shiver of need that flowed through him. Shame washed over him, he wanted Sanzo so badly, even if it was like this.
Gojyo wanted to scream, he felt like he was breaking inside, shattering into tiny pieces. What had he ever done to deserve this? It wasn't like he'd ever betrayed Sanzo, was it, apart from with Yuki? That had been a mistake, out of his control, he reasoned. If he had fought back, would he be a lifeless corpse in the snow, or a freshly dug grave beside the broken river? Was that any less horrific than what was going on now, his guilty conscience asked helpfully. Better that than a viper hiding deep within the ikkou – because after a while, Yuki will gain total control of you and your body. You'll cease to exist and it will be him joking with Goku and Hakkai and him fucking Sanzo.
A small part of Gojyo protested. They would know. They would be able to tell it's not me. And the guilty part of Gojyo's mind laughed at him and reminded him that his mother and father had loved him too, just enough to leave the world without him, just enough to leave and no more.
Sanzo made a grunt of surprise and pulled back, forcing Gojyo to stop wallowing in self-pity and pay attention.
"Fuck, Gojyo," he muttered, touching his lip. Sanzo looked surprised to discover a slight smear of blood on his fingers and he glared at Gojyo. "What the fuck was that for?"
"Sorry." Yuki clearly wasn't sorry and he leaned forward, attempting to kiss Sanzo again. He ran his fingers gently over Sanzo's jaw in a soothing pattern and Sanzo relaxed, lulled back into the moment with soft kisses and licks.
Gojyo got it all of a sudden. Coupled with the surge of annoyance emanating from Yuki, he knew - somehow he knew - things had just backfired on Yuki and he knew why. It was Gojyo's turn to laugh at the demon.
You idiot! You're in my body and I'm a half-breed piece of shit, half a demon. The part that's keeping you inside me has also lessened your power. You're no more able to feed off Sanzo through a kiss than I could.
Gojyo's triumph was short-lived when he felt Yuki shift, moving his body weight across Sanzo, pressing him back into the bed. He nuzzled into Sanzo's neck and fumbled for his wrists, pinning them to the mattress. Sanzo protested mildly and thrust his hips toward Yuki's, moaning Gojyo's name.
What the fuck do you think you are doing? Gojyo yelled.
[Seeing if I can get what I want by force, Gojyo-san.]
Force? What the hell does that mean?!
Yuki kissed Sanzo with brutal strength and Gojyo felt him flinch, wrench his mouth from Yuki's and stare at him in shock. Sanzo pulled on his wrists and Gojyo saw a brief flash of anger in Sanzo's eyes when Yuki tightened his grip. Yes, that was good, Gojyo thought, anger might just wake Sanzo up enough to make him pay attention, to heed Hakkai's words. Something is wrong, Sanzo, wake up!
"Get the fuck off me, kappa. Sick or not, I'll put a fucking cap in your worthless hide if you try that again," Sanzo growled and attempted to pull away.
Yuki leaned forward, as if he was actually going to try to kiss Sanzo again. Gojyo had to grin in anticipation. He'd seen a pissed-off Sanzo in action before, and obviously the demon hadn't bothered to rifle far enough through Gojyo's memories to figure out that that spelt 'bad news' in big letters.
Sanzo suddenly twisted his wrists inward and then punched outward, knocking Yuki's arms from under him and breaking his hold. Gojyo could feel the confusion in the demon's mind as it tried to catch up with Sanzo's unexpected attack.
Sanzo pushed against Yuki's shoulders, got his foot up against his stomach and kicked, hard. Gojyo felt his body fly backward off the bed at speed, watched the ceiling twist into view and then he landed violently on his back, cracking his head on the floor.
Apparently not being control of your body didn't mean you were immune to the pain it felt. Gojyo felt like he was floating, at the same time his head was ringing with dull, radiating pain. Yuki groaned, obviously the demon wasn't immune to feeling what was going on in Gojyo's body as well. It was kinda disturbing, Gojyo thought vaguely, that they were sharing a body and its experiences at the same time.
Sanzo loomed over Gojyo's body, banishing gun in his hand. Sanzo was fucking pissed off, all right. "I warned you Gojyo. I said I'd put a fucking bullet in your ass if you tried that again. What the fuck gives?"
Gojyo was mesmerized by the smear of blood across Sanzo's kiss-swollen lips, he couldn't believe that he'd allowed his body to do that to Sanzo. A bit of rough was fine, but that had crossed the line.
"Well?" Sanzo licked his lip and grimaced at the taste of the blood on his tongue.
"Thought I'd push your boundaries a little, Sanzo," Yuki said. He struggled to his feet and Gojyo was kinda relieved Sanzo hadn't decided to put that bullet in his ass yet. "Come here and I'll make it up to you."
Okay, so now he could feel Yuki unpacking his own award-winning charm and using it on Sanzo. That was just... wrong.
Gojyo could tell Sanzo was wavering, that he was letting his guard down again. Couldn't Sanzo see it wasn't Gojyo in his body? Gojyo started to question exactly what Sanzo was fucking on a regular basis – his body or his personality. If he couldn't tell this wasn't Gojyo, what did that mean?
Yuki reached out his hand and pulled Sanzo toward him, winding his arms around Sanzo's waist, pressing Gojyo's body against the monk's. Sanzo was hard and that surprised Gojyo. Perhaps Sanzo did like it rough, after all? Yuki ran his hand up Sanzo's spine and cupped his head in his palm, while his other hand kneaded the monk's ass through his robes.
He leaned in and kissed Sanzo. After a brief hesitation, Gojyo felt Sanzo's tongue pushing inside his mouth, felt his kisses grow more insistent as he ground his dick against Gojyo's erection. Gojyo heard the gun drop to the floor and felt Sanzo wind his fingers in his hair, tugging gently.
The sound of the gun hitting the floor sounded like a death knell to Gojyo. When he got his body back – and he so was going to get it back – how could he face Sanzo knowing that the monk couldn't tell him from the fucking demon hiding in his body?
Yuki tightened his hand around Sanzo's body, earning a moan from the monk. His fingers squeezed painfully against Sanzo's ribs and Sanzo froze.
Gojyo looked at Sanzo's face and was surprised to see that he had his eyes open and was staring at him intently, as if he was searching for something. Sanzo pulled back, fingers still entwined in Gojyo's hair. "What the fuck are you?" he demanded.
Gojyo felt hope soar as, at the same time, he felt Yuki's confusion. "What?" Yuki tried to sound puzzled and confused, like Gojyo might.
"Who are you? Not Gojyo - I'd know that fucking moron anywhere. Gojyo's insistent but he's not cruel, unlike you." Sanzo's fingers tightened uncomfortably in Gojyo's hair.
Yuki released his hold on Sanzo's waist and ran his hands up the monk's arms, winding his fingers around Sanzo's wrists. He pulled Sanzo's hands from his hair slowly, watching as those hands bunched into fists. Gojyo didn't even register the back-hander until it had connected with Sanzo's face. By the time his brain had caught up, Sanzo was on the floor, crouching, as if, somehow, he'd managed to roll with the blow. Blood ran in a smooth trickle from the corner of Sanzo's mouth and he wiped it away absently, smiling manically.
"Now I know you're not Gojyo," Sanzo said softly.
"It really doesn't matter anyway," Yuki replied. "I'll still take what I want, priest. I've not walked amongst the winter storm for a thousand years just to have some half-breed demon stop me."
Sanzo appeared to consider the statement, reading between the lines. "Gojyo is alive?" he said carefully, eyes narrowing.
Yuki laughed. "Tucked away nice and safe in here." He tapped Gojyo's head. "Watching everything I do, feeling everything I do. He's hot for you even now. I think it must be the sight of your blood."
Fuck you, asshole. Learn to keep your trap shut... shit.
"Gojyo-san is upset, because I'm playing with you and he's not. That does give me pause for thought. I wouldn't want to disappoint my host, would I?" Yuki chuckled again and this time it was not one that Gojyo recognized as his own. It was sinister and chilling at the same time; it was dark.
Gojyo picked up on a familiar sound, the sound of Sanzo chanting. While Yuki had been rambling on, Sanzo must have grasped the only important part of the conversation - that Gojyo was still alive. Sanzo was calling forth the Maten Sutra. Gojyo's trained eye picked up the shift in the air by the nightstand, where Sanzo must have stashed it earlier. Obviously Yuki hadn't bothered to look through all of Gojyo's memories thoroughly, otherwise he'd be a very concerned demon right about now.
Bye, bye, Yuki, thought Gojyo smugly.
The chant continued to build and Yuki paused. "What are you doing?"
Sanzo kicked out at Yuki's feet and Gojyo dropped to the floor heavily, landing on his shoulder.
"On mani hatsu mei –"
Yuki pulled himself to his knees and extended his hand. A blast of frigid cold air struck Sanzo in the chest, breaking off the chant. Sanzo flew backward, hitting the wall with a grunt, slumping to the floor and not moving. He was winded and perhaps something more, something serious.
"I don't think so, Sanzo-sama," the demon purred. "Times may have changed but I recognize a summoning of power when it is called forth." He strolled across to Sanzo and knelt down in front of him. Sanzo was panting, head resting against the wall. Sanzo's eyes fluttered closed briefly and then opened again, like he was trying to focus. In the same way that Yuki had read his thoughts, Gojyo knew that Sanzo's lungs were now full of tiny ice crystals, carried on that blast of cold air. The theory was borne out by the rasping drag of air into Sanzo's lungs, the way he fought for every breath he took.
"I have fed off the living energy of hundreds of humans, over many eons, longer than you can imagine. I can slap you and your little spells down without effort, over and over again. I can call on the nature of the storm, the ice and the cold. Do you think you can stop me with a chant?" Yuki asked incredulously.
Oh, the idiot had no idea, really, no idea at all. All Sanzo had to do was get up, fire off a Makai Tenjyo and they could get back to killing normal demons. Fuck, yeah. So why wasn't Sanzo getting up and doing something about it? How badly was he hurt?
Sanzo grimaced and touched his chest gingerly, like he expected to find a ragged wound there. Yuki grabbed Sanzo's bare ankle, causing him to flinch as his skin froze from the contact. Still fighting to breathe, Sanzo shifted restlessly as Yuki's fingers caressed his shin, moving up toward his exposed thigh, visible through the gap in his robes.
"You're cold inside now, Sanzo. See what I can do? That was just a taste of the raw power I command."
Yuki removed his hand from Sanzo's leg and placed his outstretched palm on the floorboards. Gojyo felt a massive surge of power, like it was being torn from inside him. Ice began to form under Yuki's hand, radiating outward, creeping across the floor. Sanzo tried to move away but the ice continued to creep steadily outward. The ice climbed up the walls, coating everything in a pale whiteness that turned clear in places where the ice was thicker. It covered the windows and moved up to the ceiling. Gojyo could feel the temperature in the room dropping quickly, as the ice sucked the heat from the room. He could see his breath forming ghostly clouds as he breathed. The lamp flickered briefly in its stand, fighting against the cold, before burning suddenly brighter and then tapering down to a sullen glow.
With a final cracking sound the ice grew gradually across the door, sealing it shut. Yuki took his hand from the floor and smiled at Sanzo. "It's just us now, Sanzo: you, me, and the annoying voice inside my head. Shall we see if we can't warm you up at last?"
Yuki grabbed Sanzo by his neck, the thin material at Sanzo's shoulder bunching and tearing as he dragged him upright and shoved him against the wall.
Come on Sanzo, snap out of it! Gojyo pleaded. Wake up and fight back, you prick!
Sanzo's head came up, hesitant at first, like he was fighting for the strength deep inside. His eyes focused and narrowed, just before he punched Yuki directly in the stomach. Gojyo was often amazed that Sanzo could hit that hard after just being still and gathering his chi internally. There was no swing to it; just one minute he was standing there, the next Gojyo was bent over and in excruciating pain. He felt the breath leave his body as Sanzo's fist connected with his diaphragm. Gojyo was glad that Sanzo wasn't going to hold back just because it was his body. On the other hand, that kind of detachment was sorta disturbing.
"Fuck you, demon," Sanzo gasped. He moved, intending to make for his gun. Yuki recovered from the punch with inhuman speed and grabbed at the nearest part of Sanzo, which happened to be his hair. Yuki wrenched backward, pulling a clump of the fine strands loose. Sanzo swung back around, aiming to punch him in the face. Yuki caught his fist in mid-swing and twisted, jerking Sanzo's arm up between his shoulder blades. Sanzo had to go with the move or risk breaking his arm. Yuki kicked violently at the back of Sanzo's knee and he buckled, dropping heavily to the floor and onto his knees. Yuki followed his movement downward with the weight of Gojyo's body, until Sanzo was prone on the floor, arm pulled up between his shoulder blades, and held immobile.
Sanzo struggled violently, trying to break the hold, seemingly not worried now about dislocating his shoulder. It must hurt like hell. Yuki's fingers tangled in Sanzo's hair and forced his head down to the ground.
Gojyo was more than aware that this was exactly the same position Sanzo had ended up in when they'd first met - when he had come to take Gonou back to the Three Aspects. Sanzo was struggling now just as he had before, attempting to throw Gojyo off of him. It had the same result, all Gojyo was doing was getting harder at the feel of Sanzo's pert little ass wriggling between his thighs.
It didn't take Sanzo long to reach the same conclusion because he immediately went still under Gojyo's body. Yuki laughed and twisted Sanzo's wrist, forcing his body to compensate by turning slightly to avoid the pressure. Sanzo glared into Gojyo's eyes with murderous intent. Gojyo hadn't seen that look directed at him for a long time and it was almost like a physical punch in the gut. He didn't want to see that look, to recognize the hate and the distain for what they were. He wanted to see the laughter in Sanzo's eyes, that soft look that said more than any words could - words which now would never be spoken.
Gojyo realized at that moment that he'd lost Sanzo for good, that he'd lost Sanzo thoroughly that night in the snow, and that things would never be the same again. Even if Yuki could be removed, Sanzo would never trust Gojyo again; he'd never see the warmth shine in Sanzo's eyes just before he came, or hear his voice soft with whispered pleasure in the night. Gojyo suddenly felt colder and more alone than he had in years. He wanted to curl up and die.
Yuki ground his hips down against Sanzo's ass and Sanzo grunted. If possible, Sanzo's glare intensified. "Don't fucking even think about it," Sanzo spat. He yanked his head to the side and Yuki grabbed a further handful of Sanzo's hair, twisting hard to prevent his movement.
"Mmm, there's the fire that was missing," Yuki mused out loud. He released Sanzo's hair and trailed a hand down Sanzo's spine toward his hip. He leaned Gojyo's entire body weight on Sanzo's captive wrist, forcing him down onto the floor. Sanzo's breath left his body but he continued to gasp for air, as he shied away from Yuki's touch.
Yuki shifted position, kicking Sanzo's legs apart with one knee, using his free hand to push up Sanzo's robes. He leaned heavily on Sanzo, using Gojyo's strength to keep him pressed to the floor. Sanzo continued to thrash about and Yuki shifted his grip on Sanzo's wrist. Gojyo could feel the slippery sweat under his fingers around Sanzo's wrist, feel the bone-crushing hold Yuki had and the way the small bones shifted against his fingers. Fuck, Gojyo could feel it all if he wanted to: Sanzo's body tense and hard with the strain of struggling to get free, the way Sanzo fought for air despite the pressure on his chest and the fact he couldn't get a full breath.
Gojyo caught the flash of Sanzo's thigh as Yuki pushed his robes up, exposing his ass. Sanzo bucked upward, a touch of desperation in his movement as he tried to get Yuki off of him. Yuki squeezed Sanzo's wrist, dragging his arm up higher. Gojyo heard something snap, felt the small bones in Sanzo's wrist shift suddenly beneath his fingers as they splintered. Sanzo's body froze with instant shock, but the only sound Sanzo made was a sharp intake of air.
"You can scream if you want, Sanzo-sama," Yuki said, his tone low and dangerous. "I want to hear you scream."
"F-fuck you," Sanzo panted through the pain. "I don't scream for fucking anybody." He looked slightly green and a sheen of sweat washed across his forehead. The pain must be excruciating. Yuki pressed against his wrist again and Sanzo whimpered as the agony became too much to bear.
Gojyo made his mind up at that point. It was cowardly and stupid but he wasn't going to be witness to Sanzo's degradation and humiliation. Yuki was doing this to prove a point to Gojyo as much as he was enjoying torturing Sanzo. Staying here to watch this wasn't going to accomplish anything. If he went inside himself, into his prison, perhaps he could find a weakness amongst the walls Yuki had constructed around his soul, and he wouldn't have to watch.
"He's thinking of leaving, Sanzo," Yuki sneered. "He doesn't want to stay with you. Perhaps Gojyo knows I'm going to win." He smoothed his hand over the soft skin of Sanzo's ass, enjoying the way Sanzo's muscles clenched under his touch.
Yuki leaned over Sanzo, breath gusting against the hair at the back of his neck. His fingers found the crack of Sanzo's ass and moved downward. When his fingers brushed against Sanzo's hole, Gojyo felt him tighten up in anticipation of what was to come. Yuki pushed slightly, enjoying the grunt of discomfort Sanzo made, in spite of his best efforts at keeping quiet.
"You do know what I'm going to do to you, Sanzo, don't you?" Yuki's tone was hard and slightly breathless, it was a quality Gojyo had never heard in his own voice before. He forced his finger into Sanzo's asshole, right up to his knuckle, feeling Sanzo tense against the invasion. "I'm going to fuck you until you bleed. If you can't give me what I need, I'll take this instead."
Gojyo turned inward, unwilling to watch any longer and not be able to do a fucking thing about it. He almost missed Sanzo whisper his name, almost. His consciousness surged back in a rush and Gojyo knew he couldn't leave, not now.
Yuki was shifting again, was undoing Gojyo's pants and using his free hand to push his jeans down his hips. He fisted Gojyo's cock, bringing it to full hardness. His grip tightened on Sanzo's wrist, distracting Sanzo for a moment with the shooting pain. Yuki steadfastly ignored Gojyo's endless litanies of 'No' inside his mind and lined up his cock, grasping near the head to keep himself steady. He pushed his hips forward against Sanzo's asshole, blunt and hard. Sanzo writhed, panting against the pain in his wrist and against his hole. Yuki snapped his hips forward, pushing past the tight ring of protesting muscle, tearing through delicate skin. Once he was partly in he removed his hand and replaced it on Sanzo's hip, pulling him back and onto his cock.
"Fuck, you are tight, Sanzo," Yuki muttered. He moved his body weight to his hips and pushed in further, deep and slow.
Sanzo arched against the invasion, mouth open, panting, rapid, shallow breaths leaving his lungs, as he screwed his eyes shut. Gojyo could feel how tight Sanzo was; it felt as if his dick was being squeezed off, forced back out of Sanzo's body through his will alone. Fuck it hurt; he couldn't imagine what it was like for Sanzo.
Gojyo was screaming inside Yuki's head, railing at the dark, using every fucking swearword he could think of. He had no other weapon, he couldn't fight back, couldn't beat the fucker into a pulp, couldn't murder his worthless youkai hide. Instead, in direct counterpoint to the way Yuki was forcing Gojyo's cock into Sanzo, he remembered Sanzo willingly letting Gojyo inside him, the hot, slow glide of heated, hard flesh. The intense rush of being inside Sanzo's willing body, the way Sanzo would arch up into his thrusting hips, meeting his thrusts every time, rolling his hips until Gojyo's cock glided against his sweet spot, making Sanzo clench around him, causing ripples of sensation like fireworks going off in his body.
This wasn't lust, or love, or joy. This was the hard, dry, press of unwanted flesh into another's body, the forcing of one person's will onto another. His cock was a weapon, something Gojyo had sworn would never happen. Sanzo was shuddering, tiny, fine trembles shaking his body. Gojyo could feel the flutter of those same muscles around his cock. Yuki pulled back slightly, dragging Gojyo's cock back outward, pausing for a moment before he angled his hips and shoved forward violently.
Sanzo yelled, the sound echoing horrifyingly around the room. The ice on the walls only seemed to amplify the sound. Yuki pulled back again and thrust in once more. This time Gojyo felt Sanzo's muscles loosen against the onslaught. Suddenly there was nothing preventing Yuki from doing whatever he wanted. Sanzo's eyes were screwed shut and Gojyo could see tears of pain pricking at the corners of his eyes, but Sanzo refused to let another sound leave his lips.
Gojyo was dead. Sanzo had told him once about the three men who had tried to rape him in the forest when he was younger. He'd told Gojyo in a quiet, shaking tone about how he'd put a bullet through the bastard's eye rather than let him violate him. How it was the first human he'd killed, but definitely not the last.
Funnily enough, Gojyo was not worried about death itself. Let Sanzo shoot him, penance could never be sweeter. For only the second time in his life, Gojyo welcomed death. To die at the hand of loved one, he was cool with that. If his death would bring that loved one happiness, so be it. Sanzo would never forgive him for this and Gojyo found he didn't mind. Anything was better than being witness to this.
Sanzo had given up trying to stop Yuki, or perhaps he'd just gone inside his mind to escape the pain? Gojyo followed Yuki's gaze as he looked down, pushed himself up and put his weight on Sanzo's broken wrist again. Yuki wanted to watch Gojyo's cock slide in and out of Sanzo's ass. Gojyo could feel Yuki's mounting desire, spurred on by the pain he was causing.
[Still with me, Gojyo-san, how sweet. Your Sanzo is so hot, so tight. I've missed this, fucking in a body. I'd forgotten what sweet pleasure it brings.]
He'll kill you, you bastard. I want to watch him do it.
[It's your body he'll have to kill. Do you really think he'll do it?]
You don't know Sanzo, asshole.
Yuki laughed again and, in response, snapped his hips forward cruelly. When Sanzo cried out again, Gojyo swore in that moment to remain silent. Provoking the demon only caused Sanzo pain.
Gojyo watched his cock slide deeply into Sanzo. He could feel it becoming easier; Sanzo was bleeding, his insides torn. He could see the blood on his cock as it slid in and out of Sanzo's body, and feel the way Sanzo trembled with every thrust, the way he fought to remain still, to limit the pain. Yuki leaned over Sanzo again, his curiosity sated for the moment. He clamped his teeth over the join of Sanzo's neck and shoulder and bit down, feeling the skin tear, as the blood welled to the surface and touched his tongue. Yuki was enjoying the way Sanzo squirmed and tried to shy away, the way his muscles tightened around Gojyo's cock.
Yuki groaned into Sanzo's shoulder and licked through the torn silk, lapping at the blood. "I could make you come, Sanzo, if you wanted. The pain only amps up the desire; it makes your orgasm stronger. Do you want to come?" Yuki asked.
"Fuck off," Sanzo gasped through gritted teeth.
"So repetitive," Yuki remarked. "It's kind of perverse, don't you think? Your lover - he's in here, just behind these eyes, watching you. Watching his body fuck you, and there's nothing he can do about it. Exciting, isn't it?"
Sanzo twisted, forced his body upward again, trying to throw Yuki off with what strength he had left. Sanzo growled and it was a noise Gojyo had never heard him make before. He felt his stomach flip and plummet, and Gojyo realized he wanted to be sick. He was going to be sick, if it was possible in the metaphysical sense.
Yuki began to thrust in earnest now, forcing Sanzo's body open. The slap of flesh on flesh was horrifying to Gojyo and, in that moment, he wasn't sure how he'd ever found sex a turn on. Yuki was rolling his hips now, seeking pleasure in the slick slide of Sanzo's ass, the gasps of pain Sanzo tried to fight down.
"Does it hurt? I hope so," Yuki gasped, his hips starting to stutter. He began to lose the rhythm, close to orgasm. Gojyo could feel the familiar pressure building in his spine, a trail of fire shooting downward, the tight coil of his gut.
Yuki bit down on Sanzo's shoulder again and thrust hard one last time, starting to come. Gojyo felt his cock pulse in Sanzo's ass. Yuki pulled out quickly, fisting Gojyo's cock as he came, riding his orgasm out and watching his hand pump in time with the waves of pleasure. Gojyo watched as long strings of come hit Sanzo's ass and landed on his balls, his thighs, his bunched robes, marking him like an animal would his property. Gojyo heard his own voice groan with pleasure and wanted to burn for eternity.
Yuki was shaking with his orgasm at the same time he was laughing in triumph, both over Sanzo and over Gojyo. Breathing heavily, Yuki released Gojyo's cock and sat back on his heels, admiring his handiwork. Gojyo's cock was slick with blood; he could see it mixing with his come on Sanzo's ass. Sanzo was not moving, just breathing through the pain, eyes still squeezed shut.
He felt Yuki shift and roll Sanzo un-protesting onto his back. Sanzo was like a rag doll, lying there, one arm outstretched to the side. Gojyo could see the bracelet of livid purple and black bruising around Sanzo's swollen wrist and he couldn't look away. A thin trail of blood continued to run down Sanzo's shoulder from where Yuki had bitten him. Yuki reached out and ran his fingers over the bruises on Sanzo's wrist, watching as Sanzo flinched, the agony finally becoming too much. Sanzo rolled to the side and threw up, retching, until all that was left was spit and bile. Sanzo kept heaving, as if his body needed to expel every last horrifying second of his ordeal. Yuki watched with detached interest until Sanzo finally fell back to the ground, still panting shallowly, his skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat.
Sanzo didn't react when Yuki trailed his hands over his hip and down his flaccid cock, over his balls, finally finding the tight pucker of Sanzo's asshole. In detached interest, Yuki thrust two fingers back into Sanzo, grinning at the way Sanzo arched upward against what must be an agonizing invasion of torn and bruised flesh. He thrust in and out hard a few times and then removed his fingers, leaning over Sanzo. He grabbed Sanzo's throat and holding Sanzo still, forced his fingers into Sanzo's mouth.
"Lick," he commanded.
Sanzo shook his head as much as he could, eyes narrowed and dull, the fire gone.
"I said lick, Sanzo, unless you want me to fuck you again. It won't hurt so much this time, I promise. Perhaps I'll even fuck your throat, is that what you want?"
Sanzo blinked, uncomprehending. After what seemed like forever, Gojyo felt Sanzo touch his fingers with his tongue in a hesitant lick, curl around them and then swallow. Yuki smiled. "Good boy," he purred. "Perhaps I'll fuck you again anyway; I really do want to hear you scream yourself hoarse."
There was a pounding on the other side of the door, so loud in the unnatural quiet of the room.
Gojyo had been so caught up in the horror and Yuki's point of view that he had forgotten about Goku and Hakkai. It was Hakkai on the other side of the door, although a damn sight fucking too late to do anything helpful. Rage boiled inside of Gojyo. How long had they been there? Had they been calling all this time and Gojyo hadn't heard them?
"Sanzo!" That was a panicked and frightened monkey. Yuki picked up on Gojyo's thoughts and moved off of Sanzo, standing up and facing the door, tucking Gojyo's cock back into his pants.
Oh, you are fucked now, demon, Gojyo said with relish.
Yuki sneered and crossed his arms. They both watched as a warm golden glow began to melt the ice over the door. The sound of rapidly melting and dripping water broke the tense silence of the room. Yuki seemed puzzled and took a step backward. [What is this, Gojyo-san?]
Don't fucking ever use my name, you prick. Ever.
[What is this?] Yuki's inner voice had a tinge of... distrust to it all of a sudden. He wasn't as sure as he liked to make out, Gojyo realized.
"Sanzo! Gojyo? Is everything okay?" Hakkai called out again, this time with a trace of urgency in his usually calm voice.
Gojyo was distracted for a moment by the touch of cold metal against the back of his head. Surprised, Yuki turned around to face a murderous and hurting Sanzo who had the banishing gun pointed at Gojyo's skull. Gojyo grinned; he hoped Yuki understood that he was already fucked.
Sanzo's arm wavered, his grip on the gun loosening with every second that ticked by. He had his broken wrist cradled against his stomach, keeping it close to his body for protection. His skin was clammy with sweat and his eyes were wild, his pupils huge, making his eyes look black. Gojyo's breath caught in his throat. Sanzo was beautiful in an untamed, wild way. He had never looked more alive than at this moment, ragged and feral, strangely triumphant.
Sanzo's legs finally gave out and he slumped to the floor, gun falling in front of him between his knees. Suddenly he was frail and looked like he might shatter, perhaps he already had. Gojyo wanted to touch him, caress his face. But Yuki looked down at Sanzo through Gojyo's eyes, and laughed in delight at the bleeding and broken man on the floor.
"Give me back Gojyo," Sanzo spat, looking up into Yuki's face.
Yuki knelt down in front of Sanzo, hands resting loosely over his knees. "Shall I tell you a secret, Sanzo?" he said, leaning closer. "Gojyo's gone. You can't have him back. I carved out his soul and sat in his heart."
Gojyo felt his stomach twist with the horrendous truth of the statement. He could feel deep down that what Yuki said was true. Gojyo was glad he knew for sure, that there was no way back, only forward into darkness and hell, with nothing to lose. He was taking the fucking demon with him, if he had any say in the matter.
Sanzo met Yuki's gaze head-on and his smile was brittle and cold. Gojyo rejoiced, he knew that look, he'd seen it before; he'd just never expected to be on this side of it.
There was a distracting hammering sound on the door as Hakkai's chi finally broke through the ice barrier and the door burst open, hitting the wall with enough force to splinter it completely. Hakkai rushed into the room, followed by Goku. Both of them slowed down and then froze, horrified by the scene before them. Gojyo looked around; saw the room from an outside perspective. Ice clouded the walls and some of the ceiling; the single lamp flickered in one corner. Sanzo was still kneeling on the floor, cradling his wrist protectively. His robes were stained with blood. He looked like a broken doll, his hair tangled and stuck to his face with sweat. He was breathing shallowly, with a care for the wounds he had, internal and external.
"Sanzo?" Hakkai's usually strong and calm voice wavered, it sounded thin and reedy. "Gojyo, what happened?"
"Gojyo's gone," Sanzo said in a shaking voice. "Fucking demon has him – he can't come back."
Hakkai looked shocked, but then perhaps not so much. He looked guilty, as if he had known, or at least suspected. Goku was looking from Sanzo, to Gojyo to Hakkai and back again. "Sanzo?" he said in a small voice, taking a hesitating step forward.
Sanzo shifted on his knees and Gojyo felt the welcome press of the gun against his forehead again. "Let me talk to Gojyo," Sanzo said, his voice sounding surer than it had before. That glint of iron was back in his eyes.
"What if I say no?" Yuki said, trying to bargain.
"I don't fucking care what you want," said Sanzo. "Let me talk to Gojyo or I just plaster the kappa's brains over the wall, now."
Yuki was wavering, Gojyo could tell. Yuki was outnumbered, surrounded by potential enemies, enemies with strange powers he knew nothing of. Let me talk to him, you bastard, Gojyo spat. Then you can have me for all eternity for all I care. Perhaps I can convince him not to kill us.
The stupid, bastard demon fell for it, hook, line and sinker - but then he really didn't have a choice. Gojyo felt his presence recede slightly, toward the back of his skull. His senses suddenly came back on line and everything looked clearer and a lot bloodier and more visceral. Gojyo took a deep, shaky breath, forced back the urge to puke violently and said in a trembling voice, "Sanzo?"
Sanzo fixed him with a burningly intense look and his fingers shifted on the grip of the gun. "Do you remember what I said in the snow? What I told Goku?" Sanzo's voice sounded deceptively calm, his voice rich and deep. Gojyo savored each syllable like he was hearing spoken words for the first time. He wished, for just a moment, they had been words of endearment.
It took Gojyo precious seconds to understand, but when he did, he nodded his head. He reached out tentatively and ran his shaking fingers across Sanzo's jaw, his heart breaking inside when Sanzo leaned into his touch, eyes fluttering closed.
"I miss you already," Gojyo said, his voice breaking. He leaned in, kissed Sanzo on the lips, soft and gentle. His brain couldn't comprehend how Sanzo could allow the body that had just fucked him against his will to kiss him. Perhaps it was all really in the soul that animated the body, not the actual body itself. Did that mean Sanzo could really tell it was him? Hope burned brightly in Gojyo for a fleeting second, chasing away the guilt. It returned in full force when he tasted Sanzo's blood on his tongue, along with his semen. Disgusted at the thought, Gojyo pulled back and let his fingers trail away from Sanzo's cheek in a last caress.
The barrel of the gun pressed against his skull and moved to his temple. It dug in slightly as Sanzo shifted, reminding Gojyo of the inevitability of the next few seconds of his life.
Gojyo turned to look at Hakkai and tried to smile. Instead all he managed was a bitter, accusing look that told Hakkai exactly what he thought of his leaving earlier. Gojyo watched the blood drain further from Hakkai's face when he finally understood.
Goku was still trying to catch up with events; he was frowning in intense confusion. Gojyo waited patiently for the ball to drop and then there it was, Goku's lip trembled, and tears welled up in his eyes, it made Gojyo want to reach out and ruffle his hair.
"Sanzo?" Goku whispered. "Sanzo, what happened? Why's Gojyo sad?" His eyes were wide, hoping Sanzo would say something scathing, as usual, and put all his fears and suspicions to rest. Friends weren't supposed to do this to other friends.
Gojyo looked back to Sanzo and nodded. Conversation flowed with a look between them; a memory of another conversation Sanzo had had with an upset Goku in the snow.
If I ever….
I'd kill you. I would.
Yuki didn't even know what was coming, the idiot. Gojyo could feel his denial, his whispered protests and his fight to get back control of Gojyo's body once he realized he'd been tricked. It's too late, Yuki, far too late for it to count. You're done. We're done.
Gojyo felt a brief pressure against his forehead as Sanzo pulled the hammer back on the gun. Sanzo's touch was gentle on the trigger, something Gojyo didn't deserve, or so he thought. He watched the chamber move, the bullet start to drop.
There was the sound of Goku's limiter breaking, the scream of Goku's rage as he succumbed to his inner turmoil, the raw trauma of someone hurting his Sanzo driving the change into Seiten Taisei. In the distance Hakkai shouted a warning, but Gojyo only had eyes for Sanzo. Everything else was in the past now, someone else could deal with it, would have to deal with it.
Gojyo smiled, stared into Sanzo's eyes and saw the answering warmth there. Gojyo refused to flinch, here, right at the end. He waited patiently for the telltale slight widening of Sanzo's eyes, just before he discharged the gun. I'll wait for you. I'll always be by your side, Sanzo.
I know you will. Sanzo smiled in return and squeezed the trigger.