Title: Broken Glass
Author: brainfuneral
Website: http://brainfuneral.livejournal.com
Pairing(s): Hakkai/Gojyo
Rating: NC17
Warning: M/M, little bit of blood, not worksafe
Summary: "When you left there was no one to kill."
Notes: This takes place directly after the Kami-Sama battle, and thus contains spoilers for that part of the story. Written for sharpeslass on LiveJournal, from the prompt of Hakkai being very very angry.




The old, obliging innkeeper had been entirely shocked to see us drag ourselves past the threshold to the same room where we'd stayed up playing Mahjong through the night. He had almost dropped the glass he'd been drying, mouth hanging open in surprise at the sight of us slowly making our way through the lobby towards the stairs. We hadn't changed from our bloodied clothes, and they were all full of bullet-holes. Sanzo's robes looked haggard, and I don't even think he knew who the crimson splotches seeping through the white fabric belonged to. We looked pretty awful, but everybody was still walking, more or less.

I think my head had just stopped throbbing and spinning when Sanzo brought us to a stop in front of the inn far too quickly, stomping on the brakes as hard as he could. Asshole. The monkey was the most cheerful, of course, he even waved to the old guy as he jogged to the stairs. I could hardly walk, and this kid was freakin' hopping around like we hadn't just had our asses thoroughly kicked to hell and back?! Way to make a guy feel old, Goku. His Holiness the monk was his usual pushy, demanding self, which I suppose shouldn't have been much of a surprise. His injuries hadn't been nearly as bad as the rest of us, and he'd been invigorated by the extra haughtiness of getting his sutra back from the crazy blond. The other crazy blond.

I glanced over at Hakkai, who seemed way too pale but still smiled demurely at whatever crossed his path. He'd carried the burden far more than any of us, offering to heal our more serious injuries when enough time had passed for him to recover his chi. He'd almost passed out in the Jeep after tackling the deep hole in my chest, carved out by one of Kami-Sama's prayer bead chains.

And to think, the guy had offered to drive when he regained consciousness! As if I'd let him anywhere near the wheel in that condition. Even Sanzo's god-awful driving couldn't convince me to let Hakkai take over. Or carry any of the bags. Or walk without my arm around him. I should probably sleep with him tonight just to make sure he didn't pass out on the way to the bathroom or anything. And bathe him. Yep, he definitely needed my super-special Sha Gojyo sponge bath. For medical reasons.

We weren't really in any shape to do anything but collapse when we got back to the rooms. It's amazing that the three of us managed to make it up the friggin' stairs without falling in a heap. The inn staff hadn't even really bothered to clean after we'd left. They obviously weren't expecting us back. Hell, I don't know how much I'd expected us to come back after that crazy bastard kicked our collective asses the first time. Much as I hate to admit it, I'd be pushin' up daisies or possessed like those stupid dolls of his if it weren't for the three of these guys coming to pick me up. S'pose I should be grateful or something.

Right now, I'll just concentrate on being grateful for a hot shower and getting out of these nasty, bloody clothes. And Hakkai getting out of his.

I looked over at my roommate, who was sitting on the bed staring at nothing in particular. I said, "Hakkai, I'm going to take a shower, okay?"

"Ah, yes, of course Gojyo. I'll take mine when you're finished." His voice sounded tired, like he was far away and only getting further.

"Unless you want to join me?" I put on my best winning smile and stripped off my shirt. I think the sexiness was offset a little by the wince when I lifted my arms above my head, though.

He looked pained then, the smile on his face stretched way too thin. "No thank you, Gojyo. I...it's been a long day. A long couple of days, really."

"Ok, yeah sure."


I thought it was just last night, that he was just tired after our playtime in crazyland with Kami-sama, but there was definitely something up with Hakkai.

He looked the same. He smiled the same. He talked the same, in that never-failing tone and manner of speaking that went one step above what was necessarily polite in any given situation. He fed Hakuryu. He scolded Goku for eating his food too fast at breakfast, and then again at lunch.

But something was up, I could feel it. There was a certain sharpness to his tone, a hard look in his eyes when he thought I was looking the other way. He reserved for me the politest voice of all, and the most generic smile he could summon. It was pissing me off.

Sanzo hadn't even tried to get us back on the road the next day, thank god. Even the masochist priest realized that we all needed the rest. We passed the time with card games even Goku was done with Mahjong for a while. The food wasn't great, but I don't think the innkeeper even really charged us for it. That guy was way too soft on four surly-looking guys who showed up at his door half-dead. Twice.

I had just started winning when Hakkai called a stop to the games, effectively calling it a night. Sanzo's eyes were drooping more than normal, making him look even more like the old geezer that he was at heart.

I think Goku must've noticed as well, because he hauled the priest off to their room with more gusto than normal. "Now, Goku, make sure that he avoids any strenuous activities, please! Sanzo is still healing, after all," Hakkai called as the pair left the room.

"Shut up Hakkai! And get your filthy hands off me, monkey!" Sanzo shouted, half-heartedly swatting at Goku's hands dragging him along.

"Sure thing, Hakkai! C'mon Sanzo, lets go to bed!" Goku wasn't phased at all, and soon had managed to get the grumpy priest to their room.

"So what you say, Hakkai, are we allowed any 'strenuous activities' tonight?" I winked at him, and put on my best seductive grin. Hakkai ignored me and simply gathered the cards strewn about the table. I helped him clear the table of the remnants of our dinner, leaving one solitary coffee mug in front of Hakkai's seat.

Hakkai sat down heavily and stared into the empty mug. I reached under and across the table and put my hand on his knee. I didn't mean it to be sexy or anything, he looked upset or nauseous or something. Of course, if sexy things ended up happening, you wouldn't hear me complaining.

Hakkai obviously didn't take it that way, and he abruptly jerked back, glaring at me sharply. I put my hands up, high above the table, in a don't-shoot-me gesture. What was up with him, anyway? He looked sullen and dark, and the atmosphere of the entire room had changed. It felt on-edge, as if at any minute some invisible wall would come crashing down, but whether that wall was between me and Hakkai or between Hakkai and some part of himself I didn't know.

I stood up and moved around the table to Hakkai. Fuck this shit, I was tired of walking on eggshells around this guy. "What's the deal, Hakkai? You've been acting totally weird ever since we got back. What the hell is up with you?" I tried not to sound accusing, but it probably came out that way anyway.

"What is up with me? With me?" He just sat still as he said this. Hands clenched around the mug in front of him, he didn't seem to be aware that it was empty.

"Yeah, with you. You've been weird, and haven't talked to me in ages. God forbid I try to touch you! What gives?" He looked up at me then, really looked at me. I could never have predicted the anger that showed in those eyes. His voice was low, a sincere and scary voice I rarely heard from him. This guy wasn't playing around, and when Hakkai got serious, people tended to die. I began to have the feeling that this wasn't going to be just one of those you-put-a-red-sock-in-with-the-white-laundry kind of arguments.

"I'll tell you what gives, Gojyo. You left. And I let you."

"Yeah, I know. That was like, three days ago. You guys came and got me, you all kicked me in the head and then we got our asses kicked by Kami-sama. But he's dead, underneath that big-ass, freaky castle of his. It's done."

"It's notdone, Gojyo! I opened the door that morning and you were gone, just like that. And even though I knew on some level that you would go, I still..."

"Hey. I left. It was stupid to go alone, I know that. But you came and got me, and it's okay. Ok?" From the way he pursed his lips into a hard line that nowhere near resembled a smile, I knew it wasn't okay.

"You left. On a suicide mission. I had no idea where you were or whether he had killed you. And I was helpless. All I could do was go west as Sanzo wished. Unable to .... unable to save you, stop you from facing death alone." Oh. Oh. "I was so very angry, Gojyo. At myself. At you. I still am. You forget, Gojyo, that I killed over one thousand people for the one that I loved. But when you left, there was no one to kill." I never knew Gonou, but I imagine that he had worn these same angry eyes.

"Hakkai, it was my choice to leave. I'm sorry that it hurt you, but I had to go. Those kids...I had to do something, even if it meant I would die. I'm not ... it's different than ... with you and me, I mean..." I'm not even sure I knew what I meant, but I hoped he would. He looked down, hiding his eyes from me beneath a blanket of hair. His hands writhed around the coffee cup, and if he hadn't been wearing his limiters I would have seriously feared for its safety.

"Dammit, Gojyo, it's not!" He shouted, his voice becoming desperate and hoarse. "It should be different, but it's not!" He stood up then, and slammed the mug down on the table as he rose. The glass shattered as it hit the hard surface of the table, and he was left holding the broken handle.

"Woah, Hakkai, are you ok?" I asked. There was a bead of blood forming on his thumb, which he ignored, still staring at me angrily. I reached forward without thinking and brought the digit to my mouth. I sucked lightly, running my tongue along the shallow cut. I felt his eyes on me, and slowly brought mine up to meet them. He was staring at me, and I couldn't read the expression that lingered in those mismatched eyes. It was almost as if a hungry, angry mountain lion had gotten interrupted by its prey and was about to thoroughly scold it. I wondered if he was going to punch me or try and eat me. Or both.

"You really shouldn't have done that, Gojyo." His voice was low and deadly serious, and suddenly I was perversely glad that I had done that, Hakkai. He moved towards me, ignoring the broken glass on the table. I stood squarely, keeping hold of his finger as if my life depended on it. At this point, it damn well might.

"Why exactly is that, Hakkai?" I tried to keep my voice level, but it might have squeaked. But with those eyes staring at me, I'm just glad that I could speak at all. He stepped forward again, practically standing in my shoes, but I didn't move. I could feel the warmth that emanated from him, could feel the quick, shallow breaths he was taking. His anger and frustration and pain and god-knows what else flowed through him. It filled the entire freakin' room and suffocated me.

I brought his moist finger up to my lips again, and very deliberately closed my mouth over it. I kept my eyes on his while I swirled my tongue around the tender flesh, biting down lightly. The green in his left eye darkened a few shades while the other remained. "Oh, Gojyo. You are such a fool sometimes," he whispered, and brought his free hand to cup my face. He stroked my cheek, and traced my lips, still pursed around his bleeding finger. He smiled, and it was all things Hakkai - sweet and bitter and pleased and predatory and a thousand other things that only his smile could ever hide.

I had barely noticed the smile before I was spinning, suddenly finding myself facing the shattered glass on the table, bent forward with Hakkai crawling all over my back. He kept one of my arms pinned behind me, and I shot the other one out to grasp the edge of the table, carefully avoiding the broken glass. I hadn't realized that his finger had remained in my mouth until he was slowly pushing it in further, stroking my tongue and teeth. As much as I didn't want to be this close to shards of glass, the feeling of his warm back pressed against mine and his lips on my ear made me moan around his intruding finger. I'm not quite sure what he had meant by it, but maybe I was a fool sometimes.

He bit and sucked at my ear, whispering my name over and over. He pressed himself flush against me, and I could feel the beginnings of an erection as he slowly moved his hips against my backside. I couldn't help but press back into him, and felt him grow harder as a result. He thrust a second finger into my mouth and I sucked on it eagerly, broken glass and gleaming, angry eyes forgotten for the moment.

I flexed my fingers and grabbed the table with my other hand when he released my arm from its tight grip behind my back. My wrist and fingers tingled from the loss of blood, but I didn't really mind, because the blood was traveling downward to more important places.

"Such a lovely, beautiful, foolish man you are, Gojyo," he said into my ear, his warm breath tickling the sensitive hairs standing up on my neck. "You have no idea what I'd do to you if you left for good. What I'd like to do to make you stay." He thrust his hips against my ass as he said this, and bit down savagely on my neck. I hissed in pain, but felt myself growing harder and pressing into him.

I reached up and cupped the back of his head. I stroked his hair gently, and when he raised his head I twisted mine back to catch his lips into a harsh kiss. "Show me, then," I said, thrusting my tongue into his mouth to dance with his.

He growled and bit down on my lip, hard. His hand worked its way down to my hips and deftly unbuttoned my jeans, shoving them off my bony hips. I felt his hand grasp me tightly, with no preamble, no soft caresses. He jerked me quickly with his hand, and I cried out, bucking into his tight fist. Both my hands returned to the table to steady myself. He stroked my cock mercilessly while undoing his own pants with his other hand.

Hakkai thrust his fingers into my mouth again, shoving them past my lips with one harsh motion. I sputtered but sucked them as well as I could manage, with all my attention now on his hand on my dick. He withdrew his fingers from my mouth and roughly shoved them into my ass, which hurt like hell. The saliva definitely hadn't been enough, and I should've known it was coming, but damn did his hand feel good working me. The fingers working my ass still burned, but he kept up with his other hand and had started kissing and licking my neck. I felt the pleasure starting to build, and moaned.

The bastard bit me again on the same tender spot as before, and just as I was about to open my mouth to complain, he pushed inside of me. He did it fast, burying himself inside in one swift stroke. My eyes burned and my ass burned, and he was still sucking on that spot on my goddamn neck, but then he swirled his fingers around the head of my cock and my eyes practically rolled back in my head with pleasure.

He fucked me fast, shoving his cock in short fast strokes, swaying me forward with every thrust. The muscles in my arms burned from holding onto the table for support, and legs muscled strained to keep me upright while he fucked me. I was gone, my mind lost in a haze somewhere between the pleasure of his hand on me and his mouth on me and the gentle way he had touched my cheek before the whole thing started and the burn in my arms, the strain on my legs, and his cock ruthlessly pounding into me.

His hand grasped my hip, and he leaned back with his torso, changing the angle and sending sparks flying past my eyelids. He didn't slow down as I came, still holding my cock in a death grip as I spurted onto the broken glass covering the table in front of me. He thrust a few more times and came, spilling himself into me and laying his head down onto my shoulder. His forehead was slick with sweat, and so was my skin where he touched it. His hair stuck to me, and my hair stuck to me. I was sticky and sore and sweaty and tired and I didn't give a damn.

He put his hands gently over mine on the table, and his breath caught in his throat behind me. I tangled our fingers together, slick with sweat and come and probably a little blood left from the glass.

"You fuck me like that every time I leave, and I might start taking off more often."

He laughed, and it sounded heavy, but I could feel his lips curl into a smile. "If you start taking off more often, Gojyo, I may have to tie you down. You may not like it so much, then."

"Mmm, I think you underestimate my ability to enjoy being tied down, especially by a sexy, kinky, scary bastard like you."

He chuckled, and kissed my shoulder tenderly, licking the skin where splotches of red were already starting to show. He said my name softly, over and over. He chanted it, and I'd never heard my name sound quite like a prayer before.

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