Title: Wildflower (Part 6 of Torrent) -
Chapter 4
Author: Befanini
Website: http://www.fanfiction.net/~befanini
Disclaimer: Not mine. Just another piece
inspired by Kazuya Minekura's delicious boys.
Rating: M
Summary: "Bloom where you're planted." A long-overdue songfic of random ruminations by four souls bound by fate. Part 6 of the Torrent series.
i. Amethyst
---
XxXxX
Out of the
night that covers me
Black as the
pit from pole to pole
I thank
whatever gods may be
For my
unconquerable soul.
XxXxX
---
It's been three years since I set
off alone from Kinzan. Three fruitless years, with not a shred of solid
information about the Seiten Scripture, not a trace of the heinous villains who
took my Master's life. All this time I've spent walking from place to place,
going around in circles, it seems, garbed in these rags with not a thing to my
name except this banishing gun.
That, and the name my Master gave me that final night that we
talked.
It is such a burden, this name. And I wish it was not so. I wish I
did not feel this way about the title that my teacher saw fit to bestow upon
me. Understand that I am not ungrateful for it, nor am I turning my back on the
trust that Koumyou Sanzo placed on these shoulders.
But it is a heavy responsibility, when all I want is to find those
damn demons and tear them limb from limb.
I want them to bleed.
I want them to suffer.
I want them to drown in such pain that death itself would be a
merciful angel.
You have to admit, these are not exactly the desires of one who is
'Holy'.
Hn. But he would understand, anyway. He, who scoffed at the
notion of being 'Exalted'. He, who was ever the irreverent one, who always
believed what he chose to believe, who always did things his own way.
He, who refused to be "serious", and who refused to take
himself seriously. I'd rather be a smiling, dreamy fool than a boring
old coot, he always said, and I never knew if he was serious even about that.
Koumyou Sanzo, who refused to be bound, who reveled in his
freedom, he, who lived his life just as it was.
Why aren't you inside giving the lecture? I would ask, frowning at the mess of bright-colored paper I was
going to have to sweep up.
Oh, I don't know much about giving lectures, he would answer with that serene smile. What I'm really good at
is making paper airplanes… And he would let one fly, the warm orange a
stark contrast against the cool blue. Look, Kouryu… Isn't it beautiful?
He was beautiful, my Master.
Koumyou Sanzo. My father. My teacher. My friend. Such a sage he was, though
half those idiots didn't get it, and smiled insultingly at him behind his back.
But I understood. I was among the few who saw, who was in
awe of the light that radiated from him. And I drank up all the simple wisdom
he imparted upon this eager young soul, even as he always chided me to work
less and to play more.
You are so intense, Kouryu, he used
to tell me. That is both your blessing and your burden. … And it is only
now that I fully grasp the meaning of those words.
Because there is this unquenchable flame that burns in me – the
all-consuming need to now take revenge for his death. Because of it, I have
survived this long, despite hungry and desperate bandits, despite sinful foul
men seeking to claim my body, despite wild beasts and the harsh elements that I
sometimes find myself forced to endure when camping out in the wilderness.
---
XxXxX
In the fell
clutch of circumstance
I have not
winced nor cried aloud.
Under the
bludgeonings of chance
My head is
bloody, but unbowed.
XxXxX
---
Despite the nightmares each
night. Despite the overwhelming guilt I carry from the choices I've made in
order to survive. Despite the lives I've taken, so that my life will not
be taken from me.
Despite the terrible sadness I feel, the utter and complete
loneliness that has haunted me since that rainy night when I last looked in his
eyes.
So kind they always were, so calm, so gentle and so wise. So
playful and twinkling with some secret joke that only he knew. Hn. Probably
laughing at the ultimate futileness of it all – the wheel of life,
rolling over and over, around and around in a senseless cycle of suffering and
loss and death.
And sometimes – very rarely – his eyes were so utterly sorrowful,
so alone, as only a man of his stature can be… But always, always, so silently
strong.
Perhaps when I've finally seen this through, and I have claimed
back that which is rightfully mine… perhaps then I shall be free to grieve him
properly. Until then, my grief sustains me. That is the irony of it. The
burning rage I feel gives me impetus to struggle on. At this point, whether it
is a blessing or a burden doesn't even matter.
---
XxXxX
Beyond this
place of wrath and tears
Looms but the
Horror of the shade,
And yet the
menace of the years
Finds, and
shall find me, unafraid.
XxXxX
---
If I must live this life, then
live it I shall, a wretched existence though it
may be, feeling so damn hypocritical as I do, walking in the borrowed glory of
this holy name while my insides are twisted with the single evil desire to
extract my pound of flesh from those bastards who took away the one who
mattered the most, who took away the only one who mattered.
I never asked for this. I never expressed any desire to be a
self-righteous, self-absorbed monk, piously meditating for the sins of the
world while living a cloistered, safe life in the confines of a temple, with no
idea of the horrible suffering that the common man endures just to stay alive,
ignorant of the unceasing struggle for survival that drives the world to commit
those sins in the first place.
I consented to learn the ways of the Temple only for my Master's sake,
because it was a delight to him for me to be his pupil. But I've never served
Buddha, nor His Temple. I believe only in myself, and I served only Koumyou
Sanzo. It was never my wish to be the next Toa.
I learned the Holy Scriptures, I trained in martial arts and the
esoteric practices of meditation and spiritual magic, I studied theology and
philosophy because it pleased my Master for me to do so. But I never intended
to shave my head and don the monkly robes. I did it all because it was the way
of life of the temple, and the way of life of my Master; I did it to keep my
place by his side.
But I never, ever thought that fate would play her cruel hand and
not only remove me from his side, but put me in his place.
To be Koumyou Sanzo's successor was the last thing on my mind.
Looking back now, I can see more clearly… and I realize it was
what he intended all along. I remember arguing with him about it, saying that
surely a grown-up monk with years of training and study under his belt was a
more likely candidate to be my Master's heir than a young upstart like me.
And he replied in his usual enigmatic way.
There really is no set standard for becoming a Sanzo, my child.
There are no definite guidelines, no rules carved in stone when it comes to the
qualities necessary in a person for him to be worthy of the title of
Sanzo-Houshi.
And when I pressed him about it, he only smiled at me. A warm
smile as always, and yet behind it I sensed a great sorrow… and it was only on
that last terrible night that I understood why.
Do you know why Sanzo Priests wear the Holy Sutras on their
shoulders? It is a reminder that we carry the world's sins upon ourselves. He gave me one last wistful smile. I know you will be strong
enough to shoulder this burden too.
And his dying words bestowed upon me this title and this name.
I leave everything to you now… Be strong, Genjo Sanzo.
And I will live up to it, dammit. I will prove and
justify his trust in me, whatever it was that he saw in the pale, silent, moody
child that I was. I will find the strength that he believed I possess,
even if it feels like I'm running on empty most of the time.
I will prove worthy of being the 31st Toa if it kills me.
You have been blessed with such extraordinary gifts, Kouryu. How
can you expect to live an ordinary life?
No fair, Master. But if I must live this life, then live it I
shall… until I find a resolution… until I make my peace with you being gone
from me, forever.
Above everything else, remember this, Kouryu. Be gentle with
yourself.
Right… 'Ch.
---
XxXxX
It matters not
how strait the gate,
How charged
with punishments the scroll,
I am the
master of my fate:
I am the
captain of my soul.
"Invictus"
William Ernest
Henley
XxXxX
TBC…
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