Title: True Colors

Author: Befanini
Website: http://www.fanfiction.net/~befanini

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no rights whatsoever. For fangirl daydreaming purposes only. XD

Rating: M

Summary: "The gods don't save anyone. You have to save yourself." … But let me tell you… HE saved ME.



Chapter 2: Secrets and Lies


"'Twas not my lips you kissed, but my soul." – Judy Garland


"We leave after breakfast. I won't tolerate excuses," Sanzo informed the ikkou. He emptied his cup, stood up from the table, and walked off to the stairs going up to the inn's rooms.

Goku yawned and scratched his head. "Guess I'll go to bed too…" he mumbled. He followed in Sanzo's footsteps, leaving Gojyo and Hakkai to finish up the jug of sake.

"So… have you told him yet?" Hakkai asked his best friend. He observed as Gojyo's eyes hungrily followed Sanzo's figure going up the stairs, until the last whisper of the cream-gold robes vanished from sight. Goku, following after Sanzo, caught Gojyo staring once again; and this time the monkey wrinkled his nose and crossed his eyes.

Gojyo stuck his tongue out at Goku's retreating figure, and turned to face Hakkai with a sigh. "You think I would still be down here with you if I'd already done it?" he replied tragically.

"Ow…" Hakkai winced, pretending to be offended. "Man, that hurts…"

Gojyo leaned his chin dejectedly on his hand. "I could be doing him right now…" he groaned longingly.

Hakkai grimaced, holding his palms up. "Way too much information, Gojyo…"

Gojyo made a face. "Urusei! You're the one who put the idea in my head in the first place! I used to be contented with just my perverted fantasies of the bastard…" his voice trailed off.

"But now?" Hakkai queried, sympathy in his voice.

Gojyo frowned and looked away, his cheeks a dull red. "Now I want it all, dammit… all or nothing…"

Hakkai looked startled. "You mean—"

Gojyo narrowed his eyes, his face still turned away. "I mean, hell yeah – either I have him, or I walk. This stupid mission be damned. He's right, anyway – he never asked me along. It's not like I'm needed…"

"Now hang on, Gojyo—"

Gojyo turned and faced Hakkai once more, his palm held up in a gesture of finality. "All or nothing. Period."

Hakkai sat back, folded his arms, and whistled softly. "Yare yare… And here I thought you just liked him, Gojyo…"

Gojyo sighed, and lit a smoke. "I know." He glared at Hakkai again. "This is all your fault!" he accused.


"Hell, yes! If not for you the stupid bombshell monk would never have knocked on my door in the first place…"

Hakkai started to laugh softly, shaking his head. Gojyo glared at him. "Nani?"

The healer gave his best friend a fond smile. "Wow. I really had no idea. As far back as that, huh? And I though we told each other everything…"

Gojyo took a deep drag on his smoke before replying. He shrugged, avoiding Hakkai's eyes. "I guess I was afraid you would think it was strange… I mean, I can't even stand the guy half the time…"

"Love itself is strange, Gojyo," Hakkai informed him. "Believe me, I would be the last person to judge you on who you fell in love with."

"I guess…" Gojyo muttered apologetically, and then he jerked suddenly. "Now hang on just a damn minute! I never said I was in love with… San… zo…"

Gojyo blinked, and Hakkai guffawed heartily at the stunned expression on his face as the words left his lips. They felt so right, rolling off his tongue. The kappa stared desperately, pleadingly, at Hakkai; begging his best friend to right his world that had so suddenly gone topsy-turvy.

Hakkai patted his hand sympathetically. "There, there," he said soothingly. "It happens to us all sometimes, even to certified playboys like yourself."

"I thought I just cared for him a lot!"

"Well, now you know, don't you?"

"But Hakkai! It's Sanzo, for crying out loud!"

"I know. I'm sorry." Hakkai looked ready to erupt in a fit of hysterics again.

"Dammit Hakkai! I haven't told you everything!" Gojyo banged his fist on the table.

"My, my, is there more?"

"You bet your ass there's more! Sanzo kissed me last night!" And Gojyo watched in grim satisfaction as Hakkai's jaw dropped.




Meanwhile, upstairs, the monkey knocked softly on Sanzo's door.

"Nani?" came the low growl from inside.

"It's… it's me, Sanzo."


"Can I come in?"

Long silence. And then a reluctant snarl. "Make it quick, bakazaru."

Goku entered cautiously, and found Sanzo sitting by the window, smoking, his room in utter darkness. He closed the door behind him, took a few steps forward, and hesitated.

"Well?" Sanzo growled. "What's the matter? What do you want?" He frowned as Goku stammered, and then the blonde forced himself to take a deep, steadying breath. Stop being a bastard, Sanzo. You're scaring the kid to death. His voice was a little gentler as he repeated gruffly, "What is it, Goku?"

Goku bit his lip, twisting his fingers together. And then all of a sudden he blurted out," Are you gay, Sanzo?"


"Er… you see…" Goku stammered, backing away as Sanzo advanced menacingly.

"Hai?" Sanzo bit out. Having backed Goku against the door, he halted and planted his hands on his hips. He was thankful for the darkness that hid the deep flush staining his cheeks.

"Well…" Goku muttered, avoiding Sanzo's eyes. "You see, I—I kinda saw you kiss Gojyo last night," he finished in a rush as Sanzo's teeth gleamed in a snarl.

"And just what were you doing spying on other people's private affairs you impertinent monkey!"

"I wasn't spying! I just happened to pass by on my way to the toilet—"

"You were snoring when I left the room, baka!" Sanzo hissed, feeling his face grow hotter at the picture they must have presented – his arms wrapped around Gojyo from behind, embracing the half-breed to his chest, their mouths locked together, Gojyo's hands tangled in his hair as they moaned into each other's mouths… He groaned, and cursed under his breath.

"Well, I woke up when I had to pee!" Goku shot back defiantly, snapping Sanzo back to the present. "I couldn't help it if I saw you…"

Sanzo wanted to throttle Goku, but it wasn't the kid's fault, after all. He ran a trembling hand down his face instead, snorting in exasperation and annoyance. Dammit… God damn it all! This was the last thing he needed, especially since he couldn't even explain to himself why he'd done it in the first place… Kiss Gojyo… He groaned again. Today was awkward enough, only his hot temper had seen him through it, but he couldn't stay angry and surly all the time. Sooner or later Gojyo was bound to say something, and damned if he knew what reply he had to give. Shit, shit, SHIT!

"Go away, bakazaru," he muttered, turning away and walking back to his perch on the windowsill.


"Don't make me say it again, monkey," Sanzo rasped warningly.

Goku pouted. "I just wanted to know if you are g—"

"Forget what you saw. Leave and shut the door, Goku."

Goku withdrew sulkily, muttering. When Sanzo's voice dropped like that, barely a whisper, and got icy cold, that meant he was really pissed off.

"Nobody ever tells me anything! I don't have any secrets…" The door clicked shut.

Sanzo sighed, and dropped his head back against the window frame with a dull thump. "Damn you, kappa…"




"Damn you, bouzu…" Had he known it, he was the exact mirror of Sanzo, sitting at his window, smoking in the dark.

He'd left Hakkai downstairs, still flabbergasted after his little bombshell, and had trudged mournfully up the stairs to continue brooding in his room.

As he'd passed Sanzo's door, he'd considered just barging in, to hell with it, and let his hungry lips and eager hands do the talking for him. Bastard started it, anyway, and he certainly couldn't accuse Gojyo if Gojyo chose to pick up where they'd left off. This time, this time, the high and mighty priest had actually come on to him – and whereas the times he, Gojyo, had done it before (or tried to, anyway), it was more of teasing and seeing how far he could push the haughty, icy monk. He'd been much too occupied with avoiding the inevitable bullet or hit with the harisen to even enjoy himself.

But last night it was Sanzo who had taken him by surprise, and stolen his breath away. Last night there was no hint of playing or teasing at all… Last night had felt all too real, all too serious… Damn, it had felt so good

And so, after lingering for a long moment in front of the blonde's closed door, he had walked on to his own room. After the way Sanzo had acted today, had avoided him like a plague, Gojyo felt sure that all he would get if he tried to talk to Sanzo was a bullet in the head. Either that, or he would lose all self-respect by overpowering Sanzo, tying him up, and having his way with him, until the blonde passed out from sheer pleasure. Heh. Which would still mean a bullet in the head afterwards.

And heck, he wasn't really sure if he even wanted to talk to Sanzo. After they'd defeated Homura after all, he'd lost the pressing urgency to confess. It was amazing how quickly the need to tell Sanzo had faded, considering he'd been a wreck the whole time since his almost-confession, during those last days they'd spent preparing to challenge the Fighting God again. He had just hoped that his companions had put it down to the coming battle before them; although he'd nearly given in at the last minute.

Scarlet eyes grew glazed as Gojyo remembered that moment, when Sanzo and Goku had been about to enter the last chamber at the top of Homura's fortress. Sanzo had halted, and pinned Gojyo into place with a single burning look, unfathomable emotion blazing in those purple eyes. And Sanzo had growled: "I don't read sutras for dead people." Just that one sentence, and Gojyo had nearly lost control and shouted out to the retreating figure. How else was a guy supposed to take that remark? You better not die. Did Sanzo care, too, after all?

And then everything had happened so quickly, one after the other, and afterwards they'd all been too exhausted, and nobody had even complained when they were informed that there was just one room, and one bed, available at the next inn. All any of them had wanted was oblivion for a few blessed hours…

But he couldn't sleep, his mind wouldn't let him, as Sanzo's words echoed in his head. I don't read sutras for dead people. God knew they'd had their fair share of fights and battles since going on this Journey West; but that was the only time that Sanzo had as good as told him to be careful. Take care of yourself.

Eventually his restlessness had forced him downstairs to the inn's veranda, and there he'd found the saru sobbing his heart out, and before he knew it he was comforting the kid, as Goku told him all that he couldn't tell Sanzo. And afterwards, as he lingered downstairs alone, Sanzo had noiselessly come up to him, and taken his breath away.

Gojyo sucked deeply on his Hi-Lite, the red eyes smoldering with remembered heat, as last night came back to him. He crushed out his spent cigarette, and moaned softly as he traced tanned fingertips over his lips. He shuddered, eyes closed, lost in the memory of those hard cynical lips devouring his mouth so possessively, so insistently… so needily.

Gojyo cursed softly, remembering how good Sanzo had felt pressed against his body, those lean ivory arms crushing him back against the priest's chest, as Sanzo moaned in tortured, desperate pleasure into his mouth.

Goddammit… he was such a fool. Such a fucking fool. He'd lied to Hakkai tonight, even though he honestly wasn't aware of doing so. Because deep down… deep down, he knew all along. He'd known all along, after all. He loved the bastard. Sanzo… He'd convinced himself it was just a crush… then an infatuation… and then he'd settled on "caring" for Sanzo.

Shit. He chuckled weakly. Like hell he "cared". Screw that. He was head-over-goddamn-heels in love with Sanzo.

He sighed, and spoke the words aloud to the empty, dark room. "Ah, shit. What a fool you are, Sha Gojyo."





A/N: If it's not obvious enough, this chapter takes place after the events in "Torrent", in which Sanzo surprises Gojyo with a full-on torrid kiss. LOL So this should technically be Chapter 3. "Torrent" is Chapter 2.

Given that it's a damn hard job for a writer to backtrack on herself, I do hope the fic still reads as a coherent whole so far. Fitting the Torrent episode in here was the most difficult part, so I'm glad that it's over with!

And dear people – don't get out your tissues. This may feel angsty, but trust me, it's a happy ending. I've already written "Man to Man", for goodness sakes, and that takes place after this discovery fic! Chapter 3 coming as soon as I type it up…

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