Title: Longing 1: The Road Less Traveled - Chapter 3

Author: Befanini
Website: http://www.fanfiction.net/~befanini

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no rights whatsoever. For bittersweet daydreaming purposes only. XD

Rating: T/M for language. Shounen-ai.

Summary: "Love at first sight is easy to understand. It's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."


Chapter 3

He drove blindly, trusting the dragon to take care of them both. After six hours, he finally caught up with Sanzo.

Sanzo was sitting on a rock by the side of the road, smoking away with a bored expression on his face. But the violet eyes glittered with barely concealed fury as Gojyo jumped out of the jeep and walked swiftly over to him, shaking with fury himself.

Gojyo halted in front of Sanzo, fists clenched tight, battling for self-control, resisting the urge to slam his fist into the other man's cold, carefully controlled face.

"You're wasting your time," Sanzo rasped, glaring up at Gojyo.

"FUCK YOU, Sanzo," Gojyo bit out.

Purple eyes widened. "What did you say!" Sanzo asked in a dangerously low voice.

"You heard me, you goddamn selfish bastard!"

"Damn you…" Sanzo snarled, whipping out the gun.

Gojyo stood stonily in front of him, not making a move, his eyes daring the monk to shoot.

"Get out of my face!" Sanzo yelled, seething. "Go back! This is none of your business!" The gun shook in his hand. He steadied it, and pulled back the safety catch.

"The HELL it isn't, Sanzo!" Gojyo yelled back, undaunted. "The hell it isn't," he repeated. "You'll have to kill me first…" he whispered brokenly, stepping up squarely to press the gun firmly to his chest.

Sanzo stared straight ahead, down the barrel of the gun planted smack on the kappa's solar plexus. "Fuck it all…" he hissed. "Why can't you just fucking let me be!" Tears of rage pooled in the icy, empty amethyst eyes.

Gojyo closed his eyes. "I can't," he whispered hoarsely. The tears spilled down his eyes as well. "I can't, you goddamn corrupt monk."

Sanzo pushed the gun harder into Gojyo's chest, making Gojyo wince. "This gun…" he muttered huskily, the violet eyes clouding over. "When that desperate, empty, foolish young boy took this gun from the temple, he made a vow to himself. Did I ever tell you that?" Sanzo laughed mirthlessly, finally looking up at Gojyo.

"Sanzo," he pleaded. Sanzo continued, paying him no heed.

"He promised himself that he and this gun would take revenge for his beloved Master. They would recover the sutras, for which his Master paid with his life. Well, this gun has done its part for the divine mission. It has recovered the sutras. It has finally avenged my Master," he snarled viciously. "And now it's time to complete the promise."

Gojyo swallowed hard, knowing what was to come next. He knew Sanzo so well. He'd had this fear, ever since he'd once caught Sanzo sitting alone by the campfire, long after the others had gone to sleep, when they were almost nearing the end of the mission. Sanzo was alone by the campfire, softly running the tip of the gun back and forth across his forehead, the beautiful purple eyes shockingly empty.

"When I chose this gun out of all the temple's holy artifacts, I chose it with two objectives in mind. The first is fulfilled. My master's suffering is paid for at last. The other… the other is the promise I made to myself. That when all this is over, this gun will end my suffering too." As he spoke, Sanzo slowly withdrew the gun from Gojyo's chest and pressed it to his own temple with a mocking smile. Gojyo watched helplessly, his heart about to burst.

"Demo," Sanzo drawled, coolly releasing the safety catch and lowering the gun. "I have no intention of killing myself in front of a weepy audience. And certainly not by the side of the fucking road. So will you fucking do me a favor and just go away and leave me in peace," he finished, pointedly turning the golden head away.

"No," Gojyo answered in a shaky voice. "NO," he repeated, more strongly.

"Damn you… " Sanzo hissed, standing up, fist pulled back.

But the blow never landed, as Gojyo easily blocked the punch and crushed Sanzo to him in a fierce embrace. A strong arm wrapped around Sanzo's back, and the other wrapped around his shoulders, the large tanned hand cupping the back of Sanzo's head and pressing it firmly down into the kappa's strong shoulder. Gojyo pressed his cheek down gently, firmly, against the shimmering golden hair, ignoring the other man's vicious struggling, until Sanzo quieted down.

"Damn you, you corrupt monk…" Gojyo murmured in a husky, pained voice. "Damn you, Sanzo…" he groaned, as he felt Sanzo shudder against him. "You fucking SELFISH bastard," he choked out, his voice cracking.

The golden head shook from side to side against his shoulder. "You're the selfish one, Gojyo," Sanzo murmured hoarsely. "Just let me go."

The implied meaning of Sanzo's words was not lost on Gojyo. So Sanzo knew. And all along he'd thought he'd kept his feelings pretty much to himself. All along, the times Sanzo had caught him staring, he'd thought the aloof creature had just put it down to him being what he was – the perverted, horny water imp. He had underestimated the man.

But suddenly the miracle dawned on him: he was still here! Sanzo had not put a bullet in him, all the time they had journeyed west, although he'd known of Gojyo's feelings. Sanzo had kept him in the ikkou, in fact. All those times when Sanzo had spit in his face – "I never asked you to come with me…" – and he had thought Sanzo was trying to get rid of him. But the goddamn bouzu had known, all along…

Gojyo snapped out of his reverie when Sanzo pushed him away roughly and turned his back. He walked away swiftly, cutting across the road to push deep into the forest.

"OI!" Gojyo shouted, whistling hastily for Hakuryu. He ran, and caught up with the priest. "Sanzo!" he growled, yanking firmly on Sanzo's arm. Sanzo shook him off violently, without turning.

"I said go back. I have nothing to say to you," Sanzo said quietly. "The mission is complete. I thank you for your invaluable help. Now I'm asking you to leave me alone."

"I'm not taking orders from you anymore, you goddamn bouzu," Gojyo replied challengingly. "And I haven't changed my mind. I'm not leaving you to carry on with your fucking, stupid, SELFISH plan. You'll have to kill me first!"

"FUCK!" Sanzo threw his head back and screamed, the enraged howl echoing through the trees. "SonofaBITCH!" he yelled to the heavens. He dropped to his knees, burying his face in his hands. "Master…" he gasped brokenly. "Master… Why did you leave me?" he begged plaintively. "I should have died, Master… I should have been the one…" he sobbed furiously.

With a lump in his throat and tears smarting in his eyes, Gojyo kneeled down and gathered Sanzo into his arms tenderly, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth against the furious blows that Sanzo landed blindly on his chest.

"Goddammit… Dammit!" Sanzo cursed. And then he raised pleading eyes to Gojyo, the purple depths swimming with unbearable pain. "Please, Gojyo… Please… I'm asking you… Just go back… Forget you ever came after me. Just leave me. Just go."


And Gojyo bent his head down and claimed Sanzo's mouth.

Pure, tortured pleasure sliced through Gojyo as their lips met. How many times had he dreamed of this? How many hours had he wasted imagining this cold, implacable man enfolded in his arms… The thrills shooting up his spine were so intense, it was almost painful.

Sanzo, Sanzo, Sanzo… His mind chanted the name as his palms came up to frame that flawless face, as he brushed feather-light kisses against that cherished one's lips. Sanzo, Sanzo, Sanzo… His heart drummed the mad tattoo as the beautiful man in his arms shuddered and gasped into his open mouth. His tongue slithered silkily inside the warm cavern of Sanzo's mouth, sliding hungrily, wetly, against Sanzo's tongue. Sanzo, Sanzo, Sanzo… The name echoed in his ears in a deafening roar, his blood pulsing wildly in his veins as the precious thing in his arms gave a deep groan of surrender, as hard alabaster arms circled around him to crush him in a fierce embrace, as Sanzo started kissing him back lustily, greedily, urgently.

"Gojyo…" Sanzo groaned. "Gojyo…"

His name uttered in that low, desperate, husky plea shattered him, broke away the last of his defenses, stripped away his pride. All that was left was the burning need to confess what he had kept bottled up inside him for so long, since that rainy night that he had opened his door, and had fallen deep, so deep, into enigmatic, soulful eyes the color and mood of twilight.

"Sanzo…" he moaned. "Gods, Sanzo, I—"

"Urusei." Sanzo pressed cool porcelain fingers against his lips. "Don't."

"Why the fuck not!" Gojyo groaned, raining passionate, tender kisses on Sanzo's face. "I'm fucking in lo—"

This time Sanzo clamped his hand hard over Gojyo's mouth. Sanzo shook his head, looking straight into fiery red eyes. "I'll never be able to make myself go back to Kinzan and assume my fucking title if you do," Sanzo said simply, the purple eyes glowing softly. Not empty anymore.

Gojyo exhaled deeply, relief washing over him, leaving him weak. Silently he thanked all the gods he'd never prayed to before. Sanzo slowly dropped his hand, his eyes still staring intensely into Gojyo's eyes.

"Promise me," Gojyo demanded in a gruff, unsteady voice. "Promise me, you corrupt monk."

Sanzo gave no answer. Instead, he reached up with a pale, slender finger and softly traced an X-mark over Gojyo's heart.

Gojyo groaned and slammed his eyes shut, intense happiness and insane pain exploding in him at the same time. All he could do was curse softly. "Shit…"

"Urusei," Sanzo drawled softly. "That's the way it is, kappa. That's the way it has to be, and you know it."

Gojyo clasped Sanzo to him tightly and rocked, burying his face against Sanzo's nape, shuddering, overwhelmed by the bittersweet, cold, harsh reality.

Sanzo hugged him back fiercely, stroking the beautiful red hair. And then Sanzo pushed him back by the shoulders, amethyst eyes boring possessively into helpless crimson orbs.

"Now, Gojyo, give me something to remember," his corrupt monk commanded, causing Gojyo to groan deeply. "Just once, before I surrender myself to them forever."

And so, deep in the forest, with the grass for carpet and the trees for canopy, Sha Gojyo made love to his rogue priest, marveling in Sanzo's moans of pleasure, basking in Sanzo's husky murmurs of his name, forever branded by the perfect, impossibly beautiful body writhing beneath his fingers, his lips, his mouth, arching like a taut bowstring, responding to him like the most finely tuned Stradivarius.

And in the sweet moment of release, deep inside Sanzo, cradling Sanzo to him like a precious thing, which he was, as Sanzo cried out his name, Gojyo fell apart, salty tears falling from his eyes to stain the smooth, proud, porcelain cheeks.

"Sanzo!" he moaned, choking. "I lo—"

Sanzo grabbed his head and crushed his passionate declaration with a deep, soulful kiss. "No words, kappa. No words," Sanzo whispered fiercely, savagely. "Or I won't be able to tear myself away…"

Gojyo was broken, gasping, beyond shame. "Fuck everything!" he cried fiercely. "Let's run away…" he begged foolishly, unable to help himself.

Sanzo chuckled weakly, mirthlessly in his arms. "I should have just blown my brains out," he rasped ironically.

And Gojyo had no answer to that, except to love Sanzo again and again; and as the hours passed, he grew more and more frantic, and his kisses grew more and more desperate, and his feelings overflowed, until it took all of his self-control not to just shout out his love, his blind worship, for this beautiful, hot-tempered, profane maverick who was finally, finally in his arms. It took all of his willpower not to demand a confession in return.

This is enough. It has to be enough.

It will never be enough.

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