Title: Barely Breathing
Author: Befanini
Website: http://www.fanfiction.net/~befanini
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no
rights whatsoever. For daydreaming purposes only. XD
Warning: M/M pairing. Rated M.
Explicit. Rated M for language as well.
Summary: Heck I'm not giving any summary!
The warning should be sufficient to get you reading… LOL
A/N: I had a blast writing this,
although it was really difficult dealing with the 'graphic' thing… luckily I
was writing about my two favorite characters, so it wasn't too bad. In fact, it
was kinda heavenly… hehehe…
---
"Sanzo…"
No
response.
"Oi,
purple eyes…"
"Mmmm…"
rumbled Sanzo sleepily. Sexily, he thought, and grit his teeth as desire
flooded him once more. Damn aloof, superior, disdainful guy was so damn sexy.
"Sanzo…
I… I want to have your baby."
An
arm flashed alabaster in the moonlight as the high priest fumbled for his
harisen. A half-hearted thwack rang in the darkness. "Baka…" muttered
the gorgeous blonde.
"Ow…"
He gingerly rubbed him arm, where the stinging slap had landed. He grabbed hold
of the blonde head pillowed on his chest and pulled up Sanzo's head. In vain he
tried to lock eyes with Sanzo in the gloom. "Dammit, Sanzo, I'm being
serious!"
Sanzo
shrugged off his grip and rolled away to his side, presenting him with a long,
lean back almost as milky-white as the sheets. He stifled a groan at the
luscious sight.
"You're
fucking drunk, kappa, that's what you are. So am I," the owner of said
back yawned sleepily. "And you've just about exhausted me with your damn
insatiable appetite, so quit talking nonsense and let me get some sleep."
As
Sanzo shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position, the sheets slid
down... and lower… to barely cover his hips.
Gojyo
cursed softly and moved swiftly to the monk's side, throwing a possessive leg
over Sanzo's, a brown arm snaking around to firmly pull the priest's body back
against his own. As their skins made contact – tan against marble – Gojyo
released a shuddering breath against Sanzo's neck. This was the only way now to
relieve the relentless burning ache inside him, to still the raging need that a
foul-mouthed, hot-tempered, golden-haired beauty had loosed within him.
In
response, the priest reached up with his free hand to bestow a fleeting caress
to his lover's face, and then let the hand drop and fell asleep, exhausted,
satiated, content.
Behind
him, Gojyo let out a soft groan of frustration, both from the fresh ache in his
loins, and from Sanzo's refusal to take him seriously. The thought had erupted
inside of him out of nowhere, and true to form he had blurted it out to his
beloved. Well, it was true, and he meant it. Sha Gojyo "with the long legs",
womanizer, chain-smoker, card shark, lean mean fighting machine, incorrigible
flirt and ladies' man, was in love; and red-blooded male that he was, he wanted
to have Genjyo Sanzo's baby.
---
A few hours ago…
"Dammit!"
he cursed as he lurched out of the shower, one towel wrapped around lean brown
hips, and the other occupied with furiously rubbing his head. Now he was going
to have to wait for his hair to dry before he could possibly crash into bed,
and in the state he was in he seriously doubted he had the patience. Hell,
tomorrow he was going to chop it all off. Goddamn hair was a fucking headache
to keep groomed anyway, and traveling in an open jeep for the better part of
the day didn't make it any easier.
He
peered owlishly at himself in the fogged-up mirror. But then again… Sha Gojyo
is meant to have long, silky hair. It is part of his charm. It is what makes
Sha Gojyo Sha Gojyo. Well, that of course, and his long legs and rippling
muscles and… and… What the fuck was I saying? He blinked, disoriented, as the
alcohol fogged his brain.
Damn
himself for making that bet! And damn Sanzo for taking the dare. Between the
two of them, they'd all but closed the bar tonight, literally. It was still actually
pretty early, but there just wasn't anything left to drink. Hah. Only
consolation he had was that the superior, smug, Your-Royal-Prettiness was
probably as plastered as he was right now. Or worse. He hoped, anyway.
Gojyo
let out a huge yawn as he turned away from the mirror. Damn hair. Damn wet
hair. Damn sake for making him all horny, and having to take a cold shower –
wouldn't do to shock his roommate tonight with his furtive moaning and
groaning. No, the poor saru would probably run screaming to Sanzo.
Gojyo
sneered. Damn Sanzo in the first place. Fuck him. He groaned softly. Oh, yes…
fuck him… He shook off the thoughts violently, not caring for another blast of
icy water. Hell, the devious monkey was probably sprawled on the bed by now,
despite Gojyo's winning the bed rights earlier downstairs, fair and square. He
pressed his throbbing temples with thumb and forefinger.
Dammit.
He swayed out of the bathroom, ready to do battle with Goku, and stopped short,
shocked sober – well, almost sober – to see a moonlit Sanzo propped against the
headboard smoking a cigarette.
"Nan…
nani!" he stammered, caught himself, cursed himself, and straightened up. "What
the hell are you doing in my room? Where's the monkey?"
Violet
eyes regarded him coolly as Sanzo dragged on the cigarette, the flawless face
briefly illuminated by the orange glow as the cigarette burned brightly. The
monk exhaled slowly, then drawled in a dry voice.
"Goku's
rooming with Hakkai. Hakkai's idea. Apparently our clean-living healer 'has had
it' with us two and doesn't feel inclined to suffer alcohol fumes and cigarette
stench for tonight. All very politely delivered with an amiable smile, you
understand." A disdainful eyebrow arched golden in the moonlight. "'Ch.
Just because he has a hollow leg and can hold his sake better than any of us…"
Sanzo
gave a dismissive, bored shrug. How could the guy be so drunk and still be so
graceful? Gojyo wondered, awed. There was hardly a slur to Sanzo's voice, and here
he was unable to even walk straight. Talk about straight-laced… The priest
couldn't even allow himself to act drunk like the rest of the world.
"Anyway,
that's how it is. I'm taking the bed. Sweet perverted dreams." Sanzo
leaned over and unsteadily stubbed out the smoke in the ashtray – aha! thought
Gojyo smugly, the façade cracks! – then collapsed back on the pillows, a
bone-colored arm flung out to the side, the other over his eyes, hard porcelain
cheeks flushed a faint pink from the sake.
Gojyo
swallowed hard. His eyes squeezed shut as he drew in lungfuls of air. Sweet
Kanzeon Bosatsu, this was all the birthdays he'd never had, his wildest
fantasies, his most secret wishes come true. Golden, fragile, icy, beautiful
Genjyo Sanzo in his bed. In… his… bed?
His
eyes flew open, than narrowed in sudden fury as Sanzo's words hit him. Just
like that. Always treating him like a cockroach. 'I'm taking the bed, case
closed, no arguments.' Hah! Longing and irritation, need and frustration, blind
adulation and deep hurt flooded his being, and he acted without a second
thought.
He
walked swiftly to the bed, kicking aside the cot he had been summarily
dismissed to. (Or to where he would've summarily dismissed the monkey, come to
think of it, he admitted grudgingly.) Grimly, he stood there, hands planted on
hips, legs spread apart, and glared down at Sanzo.
"Oi.
You damn corrupt monk. What gods in Tenkai decided that you would get the bed?
Eh?"
"I
did," Sanzo growled.
"Oh
yeah?" Gojyo growled in return. Quick as a flash, he leaned over and
grasped Sanzo's wrists, got enough leverage, and ended up straddling the
now-cursing Sanzo. "Guess what, violet eyes, you'll have to fight me for
it!" Gojyo gave him an evil grin, well aware that his strength was no
match for Sanzo.
Amethyst
eyes spit fury at him as Sanzo struggled in vain. He smelled the sweet sake on
his breath as Sanzo hissed at him, combined with the aromatic tang of cigarette
smoke and Sanzo's clean, indescribable breath that was all… Sanzo.
Gojyo
suddenly became aware that he was wearing only a towel, and that the result of
Sanzo's twisting and struggling beneath him was now nestled angrily between
them. His cheeks flushed, just as Sanzo's voice dropped to an icy rasp. "Let
my fucking hands go, you fucking kappa." Purple eyes burned into crimson
as Sanzo repeated his words.
Jaws
set hard in embarrassment, Gojyo dropped his eyes, despair threatening to
swallow him whole. He slowly released his hold, whispering a hoarse "Hontou
ni gomen nasai…" as he sought to push himself off the bed, avoiding Sanzo's
eyes, a dull red staining his cheeks.
Porcelain
hands shot out, grabbed his head, wet hair and all, and slammed his face down
to meet a hot, wide-open mouth. Gojyo groaned in shock, the shock quickly
melting into white-hot thrills of earthy pleasure as Sanzo plundered his mouth
like a starving man. Brown hands came up to tangle in golden hair, as white
hands tangled in red. Their mouths slanted over each other as they kissed,
roughly, greedily, desperately, swallowing each other's throaty groans.
Gojyo
pulled back, hands coming down to frame Sanzo's perfect face, as he gazed into
those amethyst eyes searchingly. He found nothing but a burning, raw, primal
need that matched his own. Gojyo groaned, scorched by the desire in those
otherwise hard, cynical eyes. He dropped open-mouthed kisses all over that
beautiful, flawless face, amazed that Sanzo felt exactly as he'd imagined –
impossibly silken and smooth skin, yet underneath it, hard, unyielding muscle.
Sanzo
moaned as he sought to capture back Gojyo's mouth, but Gojyo was too far gone.
He'd forsaken Sanzo's face to bury his lips at Sanzo's neck, licking hotly at
the pulse that thrummed there, delighting to feel it pound even harder. Sanzo's
black top prevented him from exploring further downward at the moment, so he
went up, burning a moist path with his tongue to a sensitive earlobe, which he
took in his mouth and nipped lightly, before laving it with his hot tongue.
Sanzo's
harsh gasp, Sanzo's arms wrapping around him like a vice, crushing Gojyo to
him, fueled Gojyo's arousal. He darted his tongue silkily inside Sanzo's ear,
and was rewarded with a savage growl and a rough hand jerking his head back to
where it belonged – his lips locked with Sanzo's, as their lower bodies ground
together frantically.
Gojyo's
eyes flew open when Sanzo suddenly wrenched his mouth away with a soft curse,
his hands bracing up to push Gojyo away desperately. Dismay had barely taken
hold of him before it was swiftly replaced with a renewed rush of fevered
adoration as he realized that Sanzo was hurriedly peeling off his skintight
top, struggling with the by-now uncomfortably hot and sticky material plastered
to his skin.
"Let
me…" Gojyo purred softly, replacing the blonde's trembling fingers with
his own, peeling the soft material up, revealing inch by agonizing inch of pale
smooth flesh. He couldn't resist, and his head dropped as his open mouth and
silky tongue followed the milky trail his fingers were slowly exposing.
Sanzo
shuddered at this new onslaught, swaying; weakened by a fresh stab of arousal
at what the ero kappa was doing now. His breath came in sharp gasps when he
felt the kappa's tongue swirl inside his navel, and cursed when Gojyo took a
pale nipple inside his burning mouth and teased it lovingly with his hot
tongue. Before Gojyo could do the same with the other, Sanzo pushed him away
again and impatiently tugged off the black top himself, flinging it aside
without a second look, wild with a desperate need to feel Gojyo's skin against
his. The armbands followed, then he reached out and feverishly pulled Gojyo's
muscled chest flush against his own, his low growl of pleasure swallowed by
Gojyo's mouth descending in another wet, frantic kiss.
But
kisses were not going to suffice any longer. The towel had long ago loosened
and disappeared, and now it was Gojyo's turn to shudder as he felt Sanzo's hand
burning a scorching path down between their slick, sweaty bodies.
"Sanzoooo…"
he moaned, his head thrown back, as he felt those long slender fingers wrap
around him with as much authority as they handled a different kind of weapon.
Sweet… Goddess… of… Mercy… he found himself rocking to the rhythm of Sanzo's
hand, impossibly silken hand, milking and stroking and pulling and driving him
wild… He dropped his head to gaze down into the shadows between them, and the
sight of his hard member wrapped in those beautiful porcelain fingers brought
him to the brink… He looked up once more and met the scorching gaze of purple
eyes set in that cold, impossibly beautiful face, that face now flushed with
desire, nostrils flared with lust, lips parted to take in harsh gasps of air…
And that drove him off the edge, falling spectacularly down into the
mind-blowing abyss of the most intense climax he'd ever had.
"Sanzooo!"
he cried out. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…." Sanzo's hand reached out
to clasp his head and drag it down, as his lips clamped hard over Gojyo's mouth
to stifle his moans.
But
it wasn't enough for Gojyo. Not nearly enough. He lay on top of his lover for a
moment, catching his breath; while beneath him Sanzo relished his weight,
turning his head to lick at the beads of sweat on Gojyo's face. At that, Gojyo
pushed up off Sanzo's body with a wild, worshipful light in those scarlet eyes,
bending down to plant a swift, hard kiss on those lips he adored, before
retracing the path his mouth had made earlier down Sanzo's body. He lingered at
the blonde's stomach, tracing the ridges of muscle, laving Sanzo's navel with
his tongue once more, and paying special attention to the nipple he'd neglected
earlier.
Sanzo's
eyes flew open when the clasp of his jeans were snapped open and the zipper
pulled down in a swift, practiced movement. His mind moved in slow motion as,
with an expert yank, Gojyo stripped him of the rest of his clothing. Sensing
what the redhead had in mind, Sanzo's pale cheeks flushed as he began to
struggle in earnest. "Dammit, kappa, yamero! No!" he hissed fiercely.
For
answer, Gojyo grabbed both of Sanzo's wrists and slammed them down on the bed,
holding them firmly. Crimson eyes glittered up at Sanzo in the gloom. "Yes,
by the gods, Sanzo. Yes…" he groaned. And he leaned down.
Sanzo's
back arched off the bed as Gojyo's hot mouth engulfed him, as Gojyo's practiced
tongue drew shudders of ecstasy from him. Gods, that tongue… Sanzo thrashed
wildly, his hands pinned to the bed, desperately trying to mute his moans of
pleasure.
Gojyo
was lost, forgetting even and releasing his hold on Sanzo's arms, so he could
reach down and pleasure Sanzo with mouth and hands and tongue and lips and
silky red hair. So intent was he on worshipping Sanzo that he only slowly
became aware that the object of his obsession was chanting his name, over and
over, that it was his name on Sanzo's lips as Sanzo came, Sanzo uttering his
name fervently like a prayer. "Gojyo Gojyo Gojyo Gojyo…."
---
"Again!"
"Oh
yeah…"
"So
soon?"
"I
can't get enough of you… !"
……
"Ahhhh…"
"You
like that?"
--
deep moan --
(throaty
chuckle) "How about this?"
--
low growl --
"Here?"
--
husky plea --
CRASH!
…..
THWAK!
"Baka erogappa!"
"OW!
… Should I stop?"
….
(fierce groan) "You stop, you're dead."
---
- Click -
Smoke
floated in the aftermath. They watched it lazily. Sanzo was sprawled sitting
against the headboard, blonde hair darkened to burnished gold from sweat, a
faint flush still glowing on his porcelain cheeks, the thin sheet pulled up to
his waist in a belated display of modesty.
Pillowed
on his lap, Gojyo reached up to take the cigarette from Sanzo's lips and
brought it down to take a deep drag, feeling whole for the first time in his
life. As he reached up to replace the cigarette between his lover's lips, his
hand lingered there, a fleshy thumb tracing the outline of Sanzo's lower lip.
Sanzo frowned and nipped at the teasing hand, and he dropped it, tucking it
instead under his head.
The
orange glow of the cigarette burned bright as Sanzo took another drag. His
purple eyes glittered down at Gojyo.
"So…
do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?"
Sanzo asked in an unfathomable voice.
Gojyo
gave a start, fairly certain he'd never uttered those three words. He'd come
close, so many times in the last hour, but the thought of what Sanzo might
reply in return to his feelings had scared the hell out of him, so he'd kept
his mouth shut. …Hadn't he?
"Who
said I loved you, you silly vain priest?" Gojyo drawled lazily, trying to
gauge the situation desperately, and creating an escape route should all his
worst fears prove to be true.
The
purple eyes flashed for the briefest of seconds, before Sanzo turned his head
away and avoided Gojyo's eyes. "Don't you?" he asked lightly in
return, stubbing out the smoke.
But
Gojyo had felt the monk stiffen as soon as Gojyo had uttered those flippant
words, and there was no mistaking the shocked hurt that had flared in those
amethyst eyes. Gojyo cursed himself; but true to his nature he chose to expose
himself to pain, rather than risk hurting the ones he loved… the one he loved.
Especially when, for the first time since he'd met the enigmatic Genjyo Sanzo,
the priest was actually allowing himself to be vulnerable. Already he could
sense Sanzo withdrawing back into himself, the shutters coming down over those
hooded eyes.
Gojyo
cursed again, audibly this time, as he reared up on his knees and forced Sanzo's
face around so he could look into Sanzo's eyes.
"You
know damn well I'm fucking in love with you, Sanzo… and for the record it's a
first for me, and for the life of me I don't fucking understand it myself, why
I'm having these raging, overwhelming feelings for a man, in the first
place; and in the second place why it had to be you," – the word
was stressed harshly with all its implied meanings – "I don't understand
it, but it's not something I can control anymore, or want to hide – I love
you so much that I'm choking, you fucking high and mighty Genjyo Sanzo, so
quit sulking and just go ahead and laugh in my face and get it over with,"
Gojyo finished disgustedly, having confessed his love in a spectacular fashion.
The
violet eyes held his gaze for a long moment, but the sardonic laughter never
came. Instead, Sanzo closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Heart pounding with a
wild hope, Gojyo raised his hands to frame that gorgeous face that had obsessed
him for so long. Crimson eyes narrowed intensely.
"Tell
me," the kappa demanded in a harsh, low voice.
Sanzo
sighed.
Gojyo
leaned in until their noses touched, one slim and aristocratic, the other
aquiline and all masculine. "Tell me… !" he murmured softly,
pleadingly.
Golden
eyelashes slowly raised up to reveal tortured eyes the color of the sunset
after the rain. "I'd rather die," Sanzo rasped.
"Tell
me…" Gojyo whispered brokenly, sure now of his victory. Those violet eyes
burned angrily at him as Sanzo answered him in a flat voice.
"You
idiot. I broke the last, most sacred of my priestly vows for you. What the fuck
do you want from me?"
"Tell
me, Sanzo." The faintest hint of a devilish grin was curling on Gojyo's
sensuous lips.
"Go
to hell."
"Tell
me!" Gojyo roared.
"You
fucking bastard!"
Silence.
Sanzo dropped his eyes, unable to endure the heat from Gojyo's steady gaze.
Then… slowly… the purple eyes raised in indignant defeat.
"You
better listen up, you perverted, annoying, exasperating, maddening creature,
because I'll only say it once. You hear me?" Sanzo scowled, his voice
dripping icicles.
Gojyo
nodded solemnly, an incorrigible sparkle in his eyes that he couldn't quite
quench, while his heart rose in his throat and threatened to choke him.
Sanzo
dropped his head and mumbled. Gojyo had to lean down to catch the broken words.
"What? I didn't hear you," the redhead said seriously.
"I
said I'd only say it once!"
"It
doesn't count if I don't hear it, do I?" Gojyo stated reasonably. Sanzo
clenched his teeth and muttered the words again. Gojyo shook his head. "No
good, Sanzo. I don't understand a word you're saying." Sanzo exploded.
"I
LOVE YOU, YOU FUCKING KAPPA!" he yelled, seething, into Gojyo's face; then
suddenly clapped his hand to his mouth, eyes wide, as thoughts of Hakkai and
Goku in the opposite room suddenly hit him.
For
his part, Gojyo's wide grin threatened to split his face. He swiftly silenced
Sanzo's infuriated curses with his lips as he devoured Sanzo's mouth, not with
passion this time, but with heart-breaking tenderness. He felt Sanzo go limp in
his arms, his struggling cease, as Sanzo too was suddenly overwhelmed by both
of their heated, furious confessions.
They
broke apart, hands falling to their sides, suddenly feeling awkward. Their eyes
slowly met. They whispered a husky "I love you" at the same time,
then both flushed and looked away, feeling uneasy and weird and suddenly
painfully uncomfortable and shy. Suddenly Gojyo laughed. Sanzo looked back at
him sharply, frowning. Gojyo raised a teasing eyebrow.
"I
thought you were only going to say it once?" he drawled. Sanzo's eyes
narrowed dangerously. "Urusei…!" he growled.
---
Slick skin.
Eager
hands.
Tortured
breathing.
Hard
muscle.
Hungry
eyes.
Sensitive
fingertips.
Hot
mouths.
Low
murmurs.
Harsh
gasps.
Silken
caresses.
Tangled
legs.
Damp
sheets.
Trembling
limbs.
Deep
kisses.
Insatiable
lips.
I'm
dying, thought one.
I'm
drowning, thought the other.
---
"When did you know?"
"That
you wanted me? Oh, it was pretty hard to ignore those perverted eyes scorching a
hole in my back whenever the saru is otherwise occupied…" Sanzo smirked.
Red
eyes widened in honest surprise, brown cheeks blushed in embarrassment; then
Gojyo shook his head impatiently. "No, you clueless priest with a glacier
for a heart. When did you know you love me?"
Sanzo
rolled his eyes. Then glanced at an earnest, open-faced Gojyo, and relented. 'I'll
tell you if you tell me first."
"No
fair!"
"Humor
me."
"All
right. When Homura slashed you. I knew."
"That
long ago?" Naked disbelief.
"Yes,"
Gojyo answered simply. "I knew then what that bakazaru meant whenever he
talked about you being like the sun to him. When Homura wounded you fatally,
and I contemplated a world without you… Without you hitting me with the goddamn
harisen or shooting at me with your blasted gun or hurling insults at me or
ignoring me as if I wasn't there… Well, I knew I didn't want to be alive. I
didn't want to go on in a world where you didn't exist.
"I
was barely breathing that damn endless night by the campfire. You may be the sun
to Goku, and who knows what – the moon? – to Hakkai, the stars to Hakuryu,
whatever. They'll still exist, they'll survive without you. I can't. I won't.
You are my air, you see."
Sanzo
cursed softly when Gojyo finished, jerked the kappa hard to him, and planted a
rough kiss on Gojyo's lips. Then he rolled and pillowed his blonde head on
Gojyo's sturdy chest, a pale hand coming up to rest on Gojyo's heart. Golden
brows knit as he groped for words worthy of Gojyo's heartfelt revelation.
"I'm
sorry to say that it took a lot longer for me, self-absorbed, selfish bastard
that I am," Sanzo began.
"Oi,
oi…" Gojyo murmured half-heartedly.
"Urusei…
Listen and enjoy it, because you'll never hear me be so humble and
self-deprecating again," Sanzo said in a wry voice.
"I
always knew from the start that you irritated the hell out of me; that I found
you loud and annoying and cocky and flippant and oversexed and rowdy and
perverted and – "
"OI!"
Gojyo protested, earnestly this time. "I thought this was supposed to be self-abuse,
not Gojyo-abuse… Ow!" he winced, as Sanzo pinched his nipple firmly.
"Are
you going to let me continue, kappa?"
"Yes,
my love. Gomen nasai, my love."
"My
love… baka…" Sanzo's lips twitched in amusement, despite himself.
"At
first those were my impressions of you. But as we traveled further west, I
gradually started to admire your honesty and your loyalty… your innate
kindness, especially to little ones. Slowly, they revealed themselves – your
integrity and character and fierce, shining bravery; your passion, which I had
always mistaken to be perversion… your lust for life, your unconquerable spirit
– I slowly started to see beneath the surface, and I… I…"
"Yes?"
Gojyo prompted softly.
"…I
slowly admitted to myself that I didn't dislike you anymore, that – hell, that
I admired you. That I was fascinated with your bold, bald, bad attitude toward
anything and everything. You are courage personified, Gojyo. That's what you
are in my eyes." Sanzo looked up at him seriously, hoping he had done
Gojyo justice. Gojyo blinked down at him.
"But
when did you know you love me?" Gojyo demanded insistently. Sanzo sighed
in exasperation.
"The
closest I can count up for you is when that kami-sama bastard beat the shit out
of us, and I was out of it for days… And when I woke up, I remember seeing you
slumped on the floor beside my bed; and in that instant I recalled how that
bastard had lifted up his foot while I lay there paralyzed, intending to crush
my skull once and for all, and you – you somehow found the strength to stop him
doing that…
"Then
I recalled an even earlier time, when we were going up the mountains, and me
hurling abuse at you all the way; and when that damn youkai tackled me and we
flew over the cliff, how you refused to let me go at that time either…
"Then
I thought about how you were always staring at me when you thought I wasn't
aware of it, how you acted teasingly and jokingly with Goku and chummily and
easily with Hakkai; but with me – with me you were either gruff, insulting, or
incredibly protective, as I've described.
"And
I realized that that was because you saw right through me. And that you
accepted what you saw unconditionally. Goku is obsessed with a blind adoration;
Hakkai is overwhelmingly nurturing and always worried and fiercely devoted like
a mother tiger; but you – you just let me be myself, no questions, no strings
attached… asking only for the right to stand beside me. And so you fought for
me, time and again, in order to keep that right alive. And I knew in that
moment that with you… I was free.
"In
that moment, lying there barely alive, I felt a trembling need to reach out and
touch you… not in anger, or annoyance, or irritation, or necessity… I just
wanted to touch you. Just one strand of the hair spilling out like blood there
beside me, where you had rested your weary head down, while you kept watch over
me, as always, while I slept."
Sanzo
stopped talking. Gojyo reached down to take hold of his hand and brought it up
to his lips, and gave it a soft kiss. "Thank you, Sanzo," he said
gruffly.
"'Ch."
"Now…"
"Now…
what?" Sanzo growled warningly.
"Now
tell me when you first fell in lust with me," Gojyo drawled wickedly.
Silence.
Gojyo shielded his face instinctively for a blow… then stiffened in alarm at
the choking sounds Sanzo was making. Gradually the alarm turned into wonder.
Sanzo was…laughing.
---
Love Moves In Mysterious
Ways
Julia Fordham
Who'd have thought this
is how the pieces fit
You and I shouldn't even
try making sense of it
I forgot how we ever came
this far
I believe we have reasons
but I don't know what they are
So blame it on the heart
Heaven knows love is just
a chance we take
We make plans but the
love demands a leap of faith
So hold me close never
ever let me go
Coz even though we think
we know
Which way the river flows
That's not the way love
goes, oh
Love moves in mysterious
ways
It's always so surprising
When love appears over
the horizon
I'll love you for the
rest of my days
And still it's a mystery
Of how you ever came to
me
Which only proves
Love moves in mysterious
ways
---
Lying there in the dark, a sleeping Sanzo
cradled in his arms, Gojyo thought of all that Sanzo had revealed tonight…
savoring every sweet confession, sure that in the light of day Sanzo would
return to his usual grumpy, terse self.
With
you I am free…
Yes,
and with you I am whole, he mused, glancing down at Sanzo.
You
are courage personified.
Gojyo's
heart swelled.
Do
you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
Both.
He hoped.
Your
bold, bald, bad attitude…
Gojyo
smiled.
I
broke the last of my priestly vows for you. What the fuck do you want from me?
Gojyo
stared. It suddenly hit him, the significance to Sanzo's words. The immensity
of Sanzo's feelings, that he should sacrifice that one last, precious promise.
Gojyo
blinked back tears, utterly overwhelmed. Sanzo was right. He hadn't needed to
voice out his feelings at all. He'd already declared his love with that
ultimate gift, that final surrender. Baka! Gojyo cursed himself,
humbled, overjoyed, overcome.
And
that was when it hit him. It was by far the most irrational thought that had
ever crossed his mind, but at the same time it made perfect sense. He wanted to
have Sanzo's baby.
---
He didn't mean he wanted to get pregnant –
his eyes goggled at the very idea – hell, he wasn't even sure he could handle a
wee, squirming, spitting mini-Sanzo or mini-me. It was purely a way of
expressing how deeply he loved the sleeping human in his arms. Heh. Hakkai the
intellectual would know what he meant. (A metaphor, you sexy beast! chides the
Author.)
He
supposed it was a feeble attempt to equal the gift that Sanzo had given him
tonight, to think that the High Priest had broken his last vow – his most
sacred vow – for one Sha Gojyo. He felt an overwhelming need to share something
precious with Sanzo, and the image of a child had flashed in his mind, and the
idea had clicked.
Strange
as it was, it felt right – just like he had found it strange at first;
when he had felt himself instantly, magnetically attracted to the arrogant monk
who had come to arrest his roommate and best friend, Cho Gonou. At first he
attributed the fierce attraction he felt to the priest's appearance – a man
just wasn't supposed to be beautiful, for Tenkai's sakes, and Sanzo was
beyond beautiful. In fact the violet-eyed, porcelain-skinned creature with hair
the color of sunshine hardly seemed to be man or woman. He was genderless.
But
as their ikkou was formed, as they started on their Journey to the West, Gojyo's
initial impression about the aloof, disdainful creature changed. Genjyo Sanzo
was definitely a man – in fact, he was the most unquestionably,
blatantly male man Gojyo had ever met, apart from himself. But that didn't
quench his fascination and secret attraction to the blonde. It only fueled it.
He was always a perverse kappa, just as Jien had said time and again.
So
Gojyo let his feelings grow, his sense of self so secure that he didn't bother
to question his feelings. He just kept them hidden, and continued with his
womanizing conquests, and chalked up his daydreams about the High Priest as
just the perverted product of a twisted mind.
But
then that moment – that split second in eternity – when the Toushin Taishi had
cleaved through Sanzo and crimson human blood spilled forth – he was totally
unprepared for the shock of discovering that this was no mere twisted
infatuation, no perverted crush, no casual admiration he felt for their stern,
implacable leader. When Sanzo fell, and his world collapsed around him, and he
faced himself bleakly in the mirror, he knew. He was fatally in love with
Genjyo Sanzo.
His
breezy and carefree nature allowed him to accept the shocking truth, to deal
with the undeniable fact that he was in love, for the first time in his life;
and what's more, he – lady killer Sha Gojyo – was in love with a man –
and not just any man, but with an untouchable, out-of-reach High Priest, the
highest-ranked monk in the world, in fact; an enigmatic, ruthless man with a
face like a fallen angel, who was as cold and unyielding as marble.
And
so it was, when Kanzeon Bosatsu had smiled down on him and his most hopeless
dreams had come true; that it was this same devil-may-care, easygoing nature
that allowed him to embrace the idea of a baby, their baby… Hell, tomorrow he
would probably wake up with a fucking hangover and be embarrassed as hell about
what he was going to say, but when Sha Gojyo made up his mind to do something,
he did it.
"Sanzo…"
"Mmmm."
"I…
I want to have your baby."
-owari-
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear
to you
When you breathe, I wanna
be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for
you
Steal the sun from the
sky for you
Words can't say what love
can do
I'll be there for you
-Bon Jovi-
A/N:
Sanzo's comment "Do you love me because I'm beautiful…" is a quote by
Oscar Hammerstein III. Think it fits nicely…
---
Japanese mini-glossary:
Harisen:
paper fan
Baka:
idiot
Kappa:
water imp
Saru:
monkey
Nani:
what
Tenkai:
Heaven
Hontou
ni gomen nasai: I'm very sorry
Yamero:
stop it
Urusei:
Shut up
Kami-sama:
God
Youkai:
demon
Ikkou:
group
Toushin
Taishi: God of Flame, Fighting God
Kanzeon
Bosatsu: Goddess of Mercy
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