Title: Barely Breathing
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no rights whatsoever. For daydreaming purposes only. XD
Warning: M/M pairing. Rated M. Explicit. Rated M for language as well.
Summary: Heck I'm not giving any summary! The warning should be sufficient to get you reading… LOL
A/N: I had a blast writing this, although it was really difficult dealing with the 'graphic' thing… luckily I was writing about my two favorite characters, so it wasn't too bad. In fact, it was kinda heavenly… hehehe…
"Oi, purple eyes…"
"Mmmm…" rumbled Sanzo sleepily. Sexily, he thought, and grit his teeth as desire flooded him once more. Damn aloof, superior, disdainful guy was so damn sexy.
"Sanzo… I… I want to have your baby."
An arm flashed alabaster in the moonlight as the high priest fumbled for his harisen. A half-hearted thwack rang in the darkness. "Baka…" muttered the gorgeous blonde.
"Ow…" He gingerly rubbed him arm, where the stinging slap had landed. He grabbed hold of the blonde head pillowed on his chest and pulled up Sanzo's head. In vain he tried to lock eyes with Sanzo in the gloom. "Dammit, Sanzo, I'm being serious!"
Sanzo shrugged off his grip and rolled away to his side, presenting him with a long, lean back almost as milky-white as the sheets. He stifled a groan at the luscious sight.
"You're fucking drunk, kappa, that's what you are. So am I," the owner of said back yawned sleepily. "And you've just about exhausted me with your damn insatiable appetite, so quit talking nonsense and let me get some sleep."
As Sanzo shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position, the sheets slid down... and lower… to barely cover his hips.
Gojyo cursed softly and moved swiftly to the monk's side, throwing a possessive leg over Sanzo's, a brown arm snaking around to firmly pull the priest's body back against his own. As their skins made contact – tan against marble – Gojyo released a shuddering breath against Sanzo's neck. This was the only way now to relieve the relentless burning ache inside him, to still the raging need that a foul-mouthed, hot-tempered, golden-haired beauty had loosed within him.
In response, the priest reached up with his free hand to bestow a fleeting caress to his lover's face, and then let the hand drop and fell asleep, exhausted, satiated, content.
Behind him, Gojyo let out a soft groan of frustration, both from the fresh ache in his loins, and from Sanzo's refusal to take him seriously. The thought had erupted inside of him out of nowhere, and true to form he had blurted it out to his beloved. Well, it was true, and he meant it. Sha Gojyo "with the long legs", womanizer, chain-smoker, card shark, lean mean fighting machine, incorrigible flirt and ladies' man, was in love; and red-blooded male that he was, he wanted to have Genjyo Sanzo's baby.
A few hours ago…
"Dammit!" he cursed as he lurched out of the shower, one towel wrapped around lean brown hips, and the other occupied with furiously rubbing his head. Now he was going to have to wait for his hair to dry before he could possibly crash into bed, and in the state he was in he seriously doubted he had the patience. Hell, tomorrow he was going to chop it all off. Goddamn hair was a fucking headache to keep groomed anyway, and traveling in an open jeep for the better part of the day didn't make it any easier.
He peered owlishly at himself in the fogged-up mirror. But then again… Sha Gojyo is meant to have long, silky hair. It is part of his charm. It is what makes Sha Gojyo Sha Gojyo. Well, that of course, and his long legs and rippling muscles and… and… What the fuck was I saying? He blinked, disoriented, as the alcohol fogged his brain.
Damn himself for making that bet! And damn Sanzo for taking the dare. Between the two of them, they'd all but closed the bar tonight, literally. It was still actually pretty early, but there just wasn't anything left to drink. Hah. Only consolation he had was that the superior, smug, Your-Royal-Prettiness was probably as plastered as he was right now. Or worse. He hoped, anyway.
Gojyo let out a huge yawn as he turned away from the mirror. Damn hair. Damn wet hair. Damn sake for making him all horny, and having to take a cold shower – wouldn't do to shock his roommate tonight with his furtive moaning and groaning. No, the poor saru would probably run screaming to Sanzo.
Gojyo sneered. Damn Sanzo in the first place. Fuck him. He groaned softly. Oh, yes… fuck him… He shook off the thoughts violently, not caring for another blast of icy water. Hell, the devious monkey was probably sprawled on the bed by now, despite Gojyo's winning the bed rights earlier downstairs, fair and square. He pressed his throbbing temples with thumb and forefinger.
Dammit. He swayed out of the bathroom, ready to do battle with Goku, and stopped short, shocked sober – well, almost sober – to see a moonlit Sanzo propped against the headboard smoking a cigarette.
"Nan… nani!" he stammered, caught himself, cursed himself, and straightened up. "What the hell are you doing in my room? Where's the monkey?"
Violet eyes regarded him coolly as Sanzo dragged on the cigarette, the flawless face briefly illuminated by the orange glow as the cigarette burned brightly. The monk exhaled slowly, then drawled in a dry voice.
"Goku's rooming with Hakkai. Hakkai's idea. Apparently our clean-living healer 'has had it' with us two and doesn't feel inclined to suffer alcohol fumes and cigarette stench for tonight. All very politely delivered with an amiable smile, you understand." A disdainful eyebrow arched golden in the moonlight. "'Ch. Just because he has a hollow leg and can hold his sake better than any of us…"
Sanzo gave a dismissive, bored shrug. How could the guy be so drunk and still be so graceful? Gojyo wondered, awed. There was hardly a slur to Sanzo's voice, and here he was unable to even walk straight. Talk about straight-laced… The priest couldn't even allow himself to act drunk like the rest of the world.
"Anyway, that's how it is. I'm taking the bed. Sweet perverted dreams." Sanzo leaned over and unsteadily stubbed out the smoke in the ashtray – aha! thought Gojyo smugly, the façade cracks! – then collapsed back on the pillows, a bone-colored arm flung out to the side, the other over his eyes, hard porcelain cheeks flushed a faint pink from the sake.
Gojyo swallowed hard. His eyes squeezed shut as he drew in lungfuls of air. Sweet Kanzeon Bosatsu, this was all the birthdays he'd never had, his wildest fantasies, his most secret wishes come true. Golden, fragile, icy, beautiful Genjyo Sanzo in his bed. In… his… bed?
His eyes flew open, than narrowed in sudden fury as Sanzo's words hit him. Just like that. Always treating him like a cockroach. 'I'm taking the bed, case closed, no arguments.' Hah! Longing and irritation, need and frustration, blind adulation and deep hurt flooded his being, and he acted without a second thought.
He walked swiftly to the bed, kicking aside the cot he had been summarily dismissed to. (Or to where he would've summarily dismissed the monkey, come to think of it, he admitted grudgingly.) Grimly, he stood there, hands planted on hips, legs spread apart, and glared down at Sanzo.
"Oi. You damn corrupt monk. What gods in Tenkai decided that you would get the bed? Eh?"
"I did," Sanzo growled.
"Oh yeah?" Gojyo growled in return. Quick as a flash, he leaned over and grasped Sanzo's wrists, got enough leverage, and ended up straddling the now-cursing Sanzo. "Guess what, violet eyes, you'll have to fight me for it!" Gojyo gave him an evil grin, well aware that his strength was no match for Sanzo.
Amethyst eyes spit fury at him as Sanzo struggled in vain. He smelled the sweet sake on his breath as Sanzo hissed at him, combined with the aromatic tang of cigarette smoke and Sanzo's clean, indescribable breath that was all… Sanzo.
Gojyo suddenly became aware that he was wearing only a towel, and that the result of Sanzo's twisting and struggling beneath him was now nestled angrily between them. His cheeks flushed, just as Sanzo's voice dropped to an icy rasp. "Let my fucking hands go, you fucking kappa." Purple eyes burned into crimson as Sanzo repeated his words.
Jaws set hard in embarrassment, Gojyo dropped his eyes, despair threatening to swallow him whole. He slowly released his hold, whispering a hoarse "Hontou ni gomen nasai…" as he sought to push himself off the bed, avoiding Sanzo's eyes, a dull red staining his cheeks.
Porcelain hands shot out, grabbed his head, wet hair and all, and slammed his face down to meet a hot, wide-open mouth. Gojyo groaned in shock, the shock quickly melting into white-hot thrills of earthy pleasure as Sanzo plundered his mouth like a starving man. Brown hands came up to tangle in golden hair, as white hands tangled in red. Their mouths slanted over each other as they kissed, roughly, greedily, desperately, swallowing each other's throaty groans.
Gojyo pulled back, hands coming down to frame Sanzo's perfect face, as he gazed into those amethyst eyes searchingly. He found nothing but a burning, raw, primal need that matched his own. Gojyo groaned, scorched by the desire in those otherwise hard, cynical eyes. He dropped open-mouthed kisses all over that beautiful, flawless face, amazed that Sanzo felt exactly as he'd imagined – impossibly silken and smooth skin, yet underneath it, hard, unyielding muscle.
Sanzo moaned as he sought to capture back Gojyo's mouth, but Gojyo was too far gone. He'd forsaken Sanzo's face to bury his lips at Sanzo's neck, licking hotly at the pulse that thrummed there, delighting to feel it pound even harder. Sanzo's black top prevented him from exploring further downward at the moment, so he went up, burning a moist path with his tongue to a sensitive earlobe, which he took in his mouth and nipped lightly, before laving it with his hot tongue.
Sanzo's harsh gasp, Sanzo's arms wrapping around him like a vice, crushing Gojyo to him, fueled Gojyo's arousal. He darted his tongue silkily inside Sanzo's ear, and was rewarded with a savage growl and a rough hand jerking his head back to where it belonged – his lips locked with Sanzo's, as their lower bodies ground together frantically.
Gojyo's eyes flew open when Sanzo suddenly wrenched his mouth away with a soft curse, his hands bracing up to push Gojyo away desperately. Dismay had barely taken hold of him before it was swiftly replaced with a renewed rush of fevered adoration as he realized that Sanzo was hurriedly peeling off his skintight top, struggling with the by-now uncomfortably hot and sticky material plastered to his skin.
"Let me…" Gojyo purred softly, replacing the blonde's trembling fingers with his own, peeling the soft material up, revealing inch by agonizing inch of pale smooth flesh. He couldn't resist, and his head dropped as his open mouth and silky tongue followed the milky trail his fingers were slowly exposing.
Sanzo shuddered at this new onslaught, swaying; weakened by a fresh stab of arousal at what the ero kappa was doing now. His breath came in sharp gasps when he felt the kappa's tongue swirl inside his navel, and cursed when Gojyo took a pale nipple inside his burning mouth and teased it lovingly with his hot tongue. Before Gojyo could do the same with the other, Sanzo pushed him away again and impatiently tugged off the black top himself, flinging it aside without a second look, wild with a desperate need to feel Gojyo's skin against his. The armbands followed, then he reached out and feverishly pulled Gojyo's muscled chest flush against his own, his low growl of pleasure swallowed by Gojyo's mouth descending in another wet, frantic kiss.
But kisses were not going to suffice any longer. The towel had long ago loosened and disappeared, and now it was Gojyo's turn to shudder as he felt Sanzo's hand burning a scorching path down between their slick, sweaty bodies.
"Sanzoooo…" he moaned, his head thrown back, as he felt those long slender fingers wrap around him with as much authority as they handled a different kind of weapon. Sweet… Goddess… of… Mercy… he found himself rocking to the rhythm of Sanzo's hand, impossibly silken hand, milking and stroking and pulling and driving him wild… He dropped his head to gaze down into the shadows between them, and the sight of his hard member wrapped in those beautiful porcelain fingers brought him to the brink… He looked up once more and met the scorching gaze of purple eyes set in that cold, impossibly beautiful face, that face now flushed with desire, nostrils flared with lust, lips parted to take in harsh gasps of air… And that drove him off the edge, falling spectacularly down into the mind-blowing abyss of the most intense climax he'd ever had.
"Sanzooo!" he cried out. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…." Sanzo's hand reached out to clasp his head and drag it down, as his lips clamped hard over Gojyo's mouth to stifle his moans.
But it wasn't enough for Gojyo. Not nearly enough. He lay on top of his lover for a moment, catching his breath; while beneath him Sanzo relished his weight, turning his head to lick at the beads of sweat on Gojyo's face. At that, Gojyo pushed up off Sanzo's body with a wild, worshipful light in those scarlet eyes, bending down to plant a swift, hard kiss on those lips he adored, before retracing the path his mouth had made earlier down Sanzo's body. He lingered at the blonde's stomach, tracing the ridges of muscle, laving Sanzo's navel with his tongue once more, and paying special attention to the nipple he'd neglected earlier.
Sanzo's eyes flew open when the clasp of his jeans were snapped open and the zipper pulled down in a swift, practiced movement. His mind moved in slow motion as, with an expert yank, Gojyo stripped him of the rest of his clothing. Sensing what the redhead had in mind, Sanzo's pale cheeks flushed as he began to struggle in earnest. "Dammit, kappa, yamero! No!" he hissed fiercely.
For answer, Gojyo grabbed both of Sanzo's wrists and slammed them down on the bed, holding them firmly. Crimson eyes glittered up at Sanzo in the gloom. "Yes, by the gods, Sanzo. Yes…" he groaned. And he leaned down.
Sanzo's back arched off the bed as Gojyo's hot mouth engulfed him, as Gojyo's practiced tongue drew shudders of ecstasy from him. Gods, that tongue… Sanzo thrashed wildly, his hands pinned to the bed, desperately trying to mute his moans of pleasure.
Gojyo was lost, forgetting even and releasing his hold on Sanzo's arms, so he could reach down and pleasure Sanzo with mouth and hands and tongue and lips and silky red hair. So intent was he on worshipping Sanzo that he only slowly became aware that the object of his obsession was chanting his name, over and over, that it was his name on Sanzo's lips as Sanzo came, Sanzo uttering his name fervently like a prayer. "Gojyo Gojyo Gojyo Gojyo…."
"I can't get enough of you… !"
"You like that?"
-- deep moan --
(throaty chuckle) "How about this?"
-- low growl --
-- husky plea --
THWAK! "Baka erogappa!"
"OW! … Should I stop?"
…. (fierce groan) "You stop, you're dead."
- Click -
Smoke floated in the aftermath. They watched it lazily. Sanzo was sprawled sitting against the headboard, blonde hair darkened to burnished gold from sweat, a faint flush still glowing on his porcelain cheeks, the thin sheet pulled up to his waist in a belated display of modesty.
Pillowed on his lap, Gojyo reached up to take the cigarette from Sanzo's lips and brought it down to take a deep drag, feeling whole for the first time in his life. As he reached up to replace the cigarette between his lover's lips, his hand lingered there, a fleshy thumb tracing the outline of Sanzo's lower lip. Sanzo frowned and nipped at the teasing hand, and he dropped it, tucking it instead under his head.
The orange glow of the cigarette burned bright as Sanzo took another drag. His purple eyes glittered down at Gojyo.
"So… do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?" Sanzo asked in an unfathomable voice.
Gojyo gave a start, fairly certain he'd never uttered those three words. He'd come close, so many times in the last hour, but the thought of what Sanzo might reply in return to his feelings had scared the hell out of him, so he'd kept his mouth shut. …Hadn't he?
"Who said I loved you, you silly vain priest?" Gojyo drawled lazily, trying to gauge the situation desperately, and creating an escape route should all his worst fears prove to be true.
The purple eyes flashed for the briefest of seconds, before Sanzo turned his head away and avoided Gojyo's eyes. "Don't you?" he asked lightly in return, stubbing out the smoke.
But Gojyo had felt the monk stiffen as soon as Gojyo had uttered those flippant words, and there was no mistaking the shocked hurt that had flared in those amethyst eyes. Gojyo cursed himself; but true to his nature he chose to expose himself to pain, rather than risk hurting the ones he loved… the one he loved. Especially when, for the first time since he'd met the enigmatic Genjyo Sanzo, the priest was actually allowing himself to be vulnerable. Already he could sense Sanzo withdrawing back into himself, the shutters coming down over those hooded eyes.
Gojyo cursed again, audibly this time, as he reared up on his knees and forced Sanzo's face around so he could look into Sanzo's eyes.
"You know damn well I'm fucking in love with you, Sanzo… and for the record it's a first for me, and for the life of me I don't fucking understand it myself, why I'm having these raging, overwhelming feelings for a man, in the first place; and in the second place why it had to be you," – the word was stressed harshly with all its implied meanings – "I don't understand it, but it's not something I can control anymore, or want to hide – I love you so much that I'm choking, you fucking high and mighty Genjyo Sanzo, so quit sulking and just go ahead and laugh in my face and get it over with," Gojyo finished disgustedly, having confessed his love in a spectacular fashion.
The violet eyes held his gaze for a long moment, but the sardonic laughter never came. Instead, Sanzo closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Heart pounding with a wild hope, Gojyo raised his hands to frame that gorgeous face that had obsessed him for so long. Crimson eyes narrowed intensely.
"Tell me," the kappa demanded in a harsh, low voice.
Gojyo leaned in until their noses touched, one slim and aristocratic, the other aquiline and all masculine. "Tell me… !" he murmured softly, pleadingly.
Golden eyelashes slowly raised up to reveal tortured eyes the color of the sunset after the rain. "I'd rather die," Sanzo rasped.
"Tell me…" Gojyo whispered brokenly, sure now of his victory. Those violet eyes burned angrily at him as Sanzo answered him in a flat voice.
"You idiot. I broke the last, most sacred of my priestly vows for you. What the fuck do you want from me?"
"Tell me, Sanzo." The faintest hint of a devilish grin was curling on Gojyo's sensuous lips.
"Go to hell."
"Tell me!" Gojyo roared.
"You fucking bastard!"
Silence. Sanzo dropped his eyes, unable to endure the heat from Gojyo's steady gaze. Then… slowly… the purple eyes raised in indignant defeat.
"You better listen up, you perverted, annoying, exasperating, maddening creature, because I'll only say it once. You hear me?" Sanzo scowled, his voice dripping icicles.
Gojyo nodded solemnly, an incorrigible sparkle in his eyes that he couldn't quite quench, while his heart rose in his throat and threatened to choke him.
Sanzo dropped his head and mumbled. Gojyo had to lean down to catch the broken words. "What? I didn't hear you," the redhead said seriously.
"I said I'd only say it once!"
"It doesn't count if I don't hear it, do I?" Gojyo stated reasonably. Sanzo clenched his teeth and muttered the words again. Gojyo shook his head. "No good, Sanzo. I don't understand a word you're saying." Sanzo exploded.
"I LOVE YOU, YOU FUCKING KAPPA!" he yelled, seething, into Gojyo's face; then suddenly clapped his hand to his mouth, eyes wide, as thoughts of Hakkai and Goku in the opposite room suddenly hit him.
For his part, Gojyo's wide grin threatened to split his face. He swiftly silenced Sanzo's infuriated curses with his lips as he devoured Sanzo's mouth, not with passion this time, but with heart-breaking tenderness. He felt Sanzo go limp in his arms, his struggling cease, as Sanzo too was suddenly overwhelmed by both of their heated, furious confessions.
They broke apart, hands falling to their sides, suddenly feeling awkward. Their eyes slowly met. They whispered a husky "I love you" at the same time, then both flushed and looked away, feeling uneasy and weird and suddenly painfully uncomfortable and shy. Suddenly Gojyo laughed. Sanzo looked back at him sharply, frowning. Gojyo raised a teasing eyebrow.
"I thought you were only going to say it once?" he drawled. Sanzo's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Urusei…!" he growled.
I'm dying, thought one.
I'm drowning, thought the other.
"When did you know?"
"That you wanted me? Oh, it was pretty hard to ignore those perverted eyes scorching a hole in my back whenever the saru is otherwise occupied…" Sanzo smirked.
Red eyes widened in honest surprise, brown cheeks blushed in embarrassment; then Gojyo shook his head impatiently. "No, you clueless priest with a glacier for a heart. When did you know you love me?"
Sanzo rolled his eyes. Then glanced at an earnest, open-faced Gojyo, and relented. 'I'll tell you if you tell me first."
"All right. When Homura slashed you. I knew."
"That long ago?" Naked disbelief.
"Yes," Gojyo answered simply. "I knew then what that bakazaru meant whenever he talked about you being like the sun to him. When Homura wounded you fatally, and I contemplated a world without you… Without you hitting me with the goddamn harisen or shooting at me with your blasted gun or hurling insults at me or ignoring me as if I wasn't there… Well, I knew I didn't want to be alive. I didn't want to go on in a world where you didn't exist.
"I was barely breathing that damn endless night by the campfire. You may be the sun to Goku, and who knows what – the moon? – to Hakkai, the stars to Hakuryu, whatever. They'll still exist, they'll survive without you. I can't. I won't. You are my air, you see."
Sanzo cursed softly when Gojyo finished, jerked the kappa hard to him, and planted a rough kiss on Gojyo's lips. Then he rolled and pillowed his blonde head on Gojyo's sturdy chest, a pale hand coming up to rest on Gojyo's heart. Golden brows knit as he groped for words worthy of Gojyo's heartfelt revelation.
"I'm sorry to say that it took a lot longer for me, self-absorbed, selfish bastard that I am," Sanzo began.
"Oi, oi…" Gojyo murmured half-heartedly.
"Urusei… Listen and enjoy it, because you'll never hear me be so humble and self-deprecating again," Sanzo said in a wry voice.
"I always knew from the start that you irritated the hell out of me; that I found you loud and annoying and cocky and flippant and oversexed and rowdy and perverted and – "
"OI!" Gojyo protested, earnestly this time. "I thought this was supposed to be self-abuse, not Gojyo-abuse… Ow!" he winced, as Sanzo pinched his nipple firmly.
"Are you going to let me continue, kappa?"
"Yes, my love. Gomen nasai, my love."
"My love… baka…" Sanzo's lips twitched in amusement, despite himself.
"At first those were my impressions of you. But as we traveled further west, I gradually started to admire your honesty and your loyalty… your innate kindness, especially to little ones. Slowly, they revealed themselves – your integrity and character and fierce, shining bravery; your passion, which I had always mistaken to be perversion… your lust for life, your unconquerable spirit – I slowly started to see beneath the surface, and I… I…"
"Yes?" Gojyo prompted softly.
"…I slowly admitted to myself that I didn't dislike you anymore, that – hell, that I admired you. That I was fascinated with your bold, bald, bad attitude toward anything and everything. You are courage personified, Gojyo. That's what you are in my eyes." Sanzo looked up at him seriously, hoping he had done Gojyo justice. Gojyo blinked down at him.
"But when did you know you love me?" Gojyo demanded insistently. Sanzo sighed in exasperation.
"The closest I can count up for you is when that kami-sama bastard beat the shit out of us, and I was out of it for days… And when I woke up, I remember seeing you slumped on the floor beside my bed; and in that instant I recalled how that bastard had lifted up his foot while I lay there paralyzed, intending to crush my skull once and for all, and you – you somehow found the strength to stop him doing that…
"Then I recalled an even earlier time, when we were going up the mountains, and me hurling abuse at you all the way; and when that damn youkai tackled me and we flew over the cliff, how you refused to let me go at that time either…
"Then I thought about how you were always staring at me when you thought I wasn't aware of it, how you acted teasingly and jokingly with Goku and chummily and easily with Hakkai; but with me – with me you were either gruff, insulting, or incredibly protective, as I've described.
"And I realized that that was because you saw right through me. And that you accepted what you saw unconditionally. Goku is obsessed with a blind adoration; Hakkai is overwhelmingly nurturing and always worried and fiercely devoted like a mother tiger; but you – you just let me be myself, no questions, no strings attached… asking only for the right to stand beside me. And so you fought for me, time and again, in order to keep that right alive. And I knew in that moment that with you… I was free.
"In that moment, lying there barely alive, I felt a trembling need to reach out and touch you… not in anger, or annoyance, or irritation, or necessity… I just wanted to touch you. Just one strand of the hair spilling out like blood there beside me, where you had rested your weary head down, while you kept watch over me, as always, while I slept."
Sanzo stopped talking. Gojyo reached down to take hold of his hand and brought it up to his lips, and gave it a soft kiss. "Thank you, Sanzo," he said gruffly.
"Now… what?" Sanzo growled warningly.
"Now tell me when you first fell in lust with me," Gojyo drawled wickedly.
Silence. Gojyo shielded his face instinctively for a blow… then stiffened in alarm at the choking sounds Sanzo was making. Gradually the alarm turned into wonder. Sanzo was…laughing.
Love Moves In Mysterious Ways
Who'd have thought this is how the pieces fit
You and I shouldn't even try making sense of it
I forgot how we ever came this far
I believe we have reasons but I don't know what they are
So blame it on the heart
Heaven knows love is just a chance we take
We make plans but the love demands a leap of faith
So hold me close never ever let me go
Coz even though we think we know
Which way the river flows
That's not the way love goes, oh
Love moves in mysterious ways
It's always so surprising
When love appears over the horizon
I'll love you for the rest of my days
And still it's a mystery
Of how you ever came to me
Which only proves
Love moves in mysterious ways
Lying there in the dark, a sleeping Sanzo cradled in his arms, Gojyo thought of all that Sanzo had revealed tonight… savoring every sweet confession, sure that in the light of day Sanzo would return to his usual grumpy, terse self.
With you I am free…
Yes, and with you I am whole, he mused, glancing down at Sanzo.
You are courage personified.
Gojyo's heart swelled.
Do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
Both. He hoped.
Your bold, bald, bad attitude…
I broke the last of my priestly vows for you. What the fuck do you want from me?
Gojyo stared. It suddenly hit him, the significance to Sanzo's words. The immensity of Sanzo's feelings, that he should sacrifice that one last, precious promise.
Gojyo blinked back tears, utterly overwhelmed. Sanzo was right. He hadn't needed to voice out his feelings at all. He'd already declared his love with that ultimate gift, that final surrender. Baka! Gojyo cursed himself, humbled, overjoyed, overcome.
And that was when it hit him. It was by far the most irrational thought that had ever crossed his mind, but at the same time it made perfect sense. He wanted to have Sanzo's baby.
He didn't mean he wanted to get pregnant – his eyes goggled at the very idea – hell, he wasn't even sure he could handle a wee, squirming, spitting mini-Sanzo or mini-me. It was purely a way of expressing how deeply he loved the sleeping human in his arms. Heh. Hakkai the intellectual would know what he meant. (A metaphor, you sexy beast! chides the Author.)
He supposed it was a feeble attempt to equal the gift that Sanzo had given him tonight, to think that the High Priest had broken his last vow – his most sacred vow – for one Sha Gojyo. He felt an overwhelming need to share something precious with Sanzo, and the image of a child had flashed in his mind, and the idea had clicked.
Strange as it was, it felt right – just like he had found it strange at first; when he had felt himself instantly, magnetically attracted to the arrogant monk who had come to arrest his roommate and best friend, Cho Gonou. At first he attributed the fierce attraction he felt to the priest's appearance – a man just wasn't supposed to be beautiful, for Tenkai's sakes, and Sanzo was beyond beautiful. In fact the violet-eyed, porcelain-skinned creature with hair the color of sunshine hardly seemed to be man or woman. He was genderless.
But as their ikkou was formed, as they started on their Journey to the West, Gojyo's initial impression about the aloof, disdainful creature changed. Genjyo Sanzo was definitely a man – in fact, he was the most unquestionably, blatantly male man Gojyo had ever met, apart from himself. But that didn't quench his fascination and secret attraction to the blonde. It only fueled it. He was always a perverse kappa, just as Jien had said time and again.
So Gojyo let his feelings grow, his sense of self so secure that he didn't bother to question his feelings. He just kept them hidden, and continued with his womanizing conquests, and chalked up his daydreams about the High Priest as just the perverted product of a twisted mind.
But then that moment – that split second in eternity – when the Toushin Taishi had cleaved through Sanzo and crimson human blood spilled forth – he was totally unprepared for the shock of discovering that this was no mere twisted infatuation, no perverted crush, no casual admiration he felt for their stern, implacable leader. When Sanzo fell, and his world collapsed around him, and he faced himself bleakly in the mirror, he knew. He was fatally in love with Genjyo Sanzo.
His breezy and carefree nature allowed him to accept the shocking truth, to deal with the undeniable fact that he was in love, for the first time in his life; and what's more, he – lady killer Sha Gojyo – was in love with a man – and not just any man, but with an untouchable, out-of-reach High Priest, the highest-ranked monk in the world, in fact; an enigmatic, ruthless man with a face like a fallen angel, who was as cold and unyielding as marble.
And so it was, when Kanzeon Bosatsu had smiled down on him and his most hopeless dreams had come true; that it was this same devil-may-care, easygoing nature that allowed him to embrace the idea of a baby, their baby… Hell, tomorrow he would probably wake up with a fucking hangover and be embarrassed as hell about what he was going to say, but when Sha Gojyo made up his mind to do something, he did it.
"I… I want to have your baby."
I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what love can do
I'll be there for you
A/N: Sanzo's comment "Do you love me because I'm beautiful…" is a quote by Oscar Hammerstein III. Think it fits nicely…
Harisen: paper fan
Kappa: water imp
Hontou ni gomen nasai: I'm very sorry
Yamero: stop it
Urusei: Shut up
Toushin Taishi: God of Flame, Fighting God
Kanzeon Bosatsu: Goddess of Mercy
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