TITLE: Virtues of
EMAIL: aeneus111 (a) hotmail (.) com
SUMMARY: Sanzo tries to stay virtuous in the
face of temptation.
DISCLAIMER: All of these characters belong to Minekura Kazuya. This is written purely for my own entertainment and hopefully that of others.
NOTE: Beta'ed by lirannutian and darkfire_blade. Written for the 7 Heavenly Virtues LiveJournal Community.
"But I'm hungry."
Sanzo shakes his head. He already feeds the kid more than he feeds himself. He's tempted to refuse. But Goku looks at him; there's a deep fear in the monkey's eyes that makes Sanzo shiver. The look halts his grab for his fan. The heavy chains around Goku's wrists and ankles make him look even smaller. Not for the first time Sanzo wonders who put them there.
"I'll bring you more food," he concedes.
Goku smiles brightly, filling the darkened shed with light. Sanzo sighs. He has an audience with the Three Aspects tomorrow. It will be hard to find a place for the kid.
"I thought you were leaving me."
He watches Goku sleep. It's hard to imagine this small sleeping form is the same as the monster that tore through the temple just hours ago. He puts his hand on Goku's hair, feeling the golden limiter his hands created. Goku doesn't wake up.
"I'm not going anywhere," the priest repeats softly. "And neither are you, stupid ape," he adds. Goku stirs, his brow furrowing for a moment before it relaxes back into sleep.
Goku's voice echoes loudly through the Temple courtyard. Sanzo cringes, as heads turn towards the excited teenager. The monks whisper under their breath. They know he can hear them, but they never care. Not then, not now. One monk speaks up: "Priest Sanzo, you have to control him."
Sanzo doesn't have the patience to answer. He watches as Goku runs towards him.
"Can I keep the puppy?"
Goku is wide-eyes with joy, holding up the dirty ball of fur. Sanzo can feel the disgust of the monks around him.
"No," Sanzo says. He turns away before he can see Goku's smile fade. As he walks away he hears Goku murmur to the puppy. He knows the dog will stay regardless of his order.
Sanzo won't stop him.
Why the hell do the Three Aspects want him to go after a mass murderer anyway? Sanzo curses as he packs his bags. Although he's secretly glad to have any reason to leave the temple.
"Take me with you."
He really doesn't need the distraction. He's actually dying for some privacy for a while. It could be dangerous. There might even be other reasons if he ever got enough peace and quiet to think about it. But he knows what it's like, being the only kid in a monastery of monks and priests.
"Get dressed," Sanzo gives in.
It's a long lost battle. From the moment he looked into those golden eyes and lost the urge to hit him. No matter how much he swears and grumbles; no matter how many times he pulls his fan, Goku never seems to lose his belief that in the end Sanzo will give him what makes him happy. And Sanzo can't help himself. Years of Goku's endless faith have worn him down.
Still, every time he lets Goku cross that line, there is the fear one day Goku will ask for too much. For something that Sanzo doesn't even know is in his power to give.
He fears even more he'll be unable to refuse.
The priest has his eyes shut tight. He can feel Hakkai's weight on top of him. He grunts, willing Hakkai to go on without saying the words.
"Sanzo," Hakkai insists, but Sanzo doesn't move. He feels Hakkai shift, leaving him. Only after he's sure Hakkai has left the bed does he open his eyes. Hakkai sits on the chair in the other corner of the room, as naked as him.
"You don't look at me," Hakkai says. He looks at Sanzo directly, challenging him.
Sanzo wants to make a quip, like how he's looking at Hakkai right now, but he swallows it. He knows it's not what the other man meant. He turns and stares up at the ceiling, uncomfortable under Hakkai's calm gaze.
"You don't want…." Hakkai continues, but doesn't finish. His voice is off -- not like Hakkai. Sanzo shuts his eyes as if that will block out the accusation.
Me? Is that what Hakkai wants to know? It's not Hakkai that Sanzo wants in his bed. "Does is matter?" he responds, sounding tired. The absence of Hakkai's body heat is making the room feel chilly. Sanzo wishes he had a cigarette so he could warm himself with the smoke, but his robes are scattered over the floor and not within reach. It's sex, does it matter who's who? As long as…
Hakkai doesn't reply, leaving the silence to fill Sanzo's mind with the answers. But Sanzo doesn't want his mind to go there. The priest groans and dares another look at Hakkai, replacing the forbidden images with reality. He studies the man's body, willing himself to want it. Willing Hakkai to believe it's all he wants.
Because Sanzo promised himself he wouldn't touch him. He doesn't hold a lot of things sacred, but this promise he will. No one will ever know. No one will ever know the hunger his body feels, the effort it takes not to reach out too far, too much.
Sanzo stretches out his hand, inviting Hakkai to come to him. He needs to do this to stay strong. He needs to burn out his desire. Hakkai comes but doesn't take his hand. He stands next to bed, all naked, all man. Not a boy. Not the boy who took his hand, takes his hand every time Sanzo reaches for him.
"Don't ask me again." Hakkai says, before he turns away. Sanzo stays behind, hand clutching empty air.
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